We Are A Sum of Our Experiences

Jack loves strawberries with CHOCOLATE!

So, it's Mother's Day week...the culmination of every infertile's* worst nightmare...everyone is celebrating what you long for...being a mother.  This is my 3rd happy Mother's day...but it hasn't erased the pain of the previous 10 ones.  Of course, I'm very thankful for my own wonderful Mother and always tried to shift the focus there.  But, the lump in my throat, would build and build, until I had trouble breathing or swallowing.  Then, a caring & genuinely concerned person would ask me how I was feeling, and the pain would rise up, until it spilled out of my eyes as tears.

The scars will always be in my heart for all that was lost, especially our other 3 babies (pregnancy losses).  And there are the years of parenting joy that I can never get back.  Luckily, my story didn't end there. 

Enter:  JACK

Just like before, when the going got tough...to help my psyche, I would tell myself...SELF...just put one foot in front of the other.  Other positive self-talk included..."it is what it is"...from Alayne and "this too shall pass"..from April.  Prayer helped, sometimes my prayers and sometimes the prayers from others.  Lesson learned:  you have to get rid of the blame/anger before you can open your heart to God.

So now, in my most frustrating & fatiguing parenting moment...guess what I tell myself?  Put one foot in front of the other, it is what it is, & this too shall pass.  As time passes, the edges of the pain has softened and it's not a constant thought anymore.  Jack is a joyous diversion of my time & energy.  I'm actually thankful now for that pain & loss...it helped mold me into the person that I am today.  All of our experiences do that. 

So if you know or care about an infertile*on this Mother's Day..you might want to avoid the topic all together or give a hug or create a distraction for them.  They will appreciate it!

*my word and not meant to be derogatory...if you have called yourself a name in the past, you can politically correctly call others that word...even redneck!