Jack Loves Water

Jack already acts like a future scuba diver like Daddy...He loves his bath and skin to skin with Mommy. He only cries when he gets out and is getting dried off & dressed. We tried something new last night...I got in the tub and then Mr. Tarheel did the drying/dressing (& a great job at it too!) He stays warm (& modest) with wash cloths over him and I slowly pour warm water over him. Then he smells oh so good. I don't actually look too happy in the "no smile" picture but the lighting is better...so I'll put my "smile" picture here also.

Tucker slept through this on the big green chair by the Christmas tree. Tonight's his turn!

Sweater of Love

Here's Jack, wearing his sweater of love...hand knitted by my wonderful friend--Sara Johnston. You can't see the emblem...but the baby blue hat is a NC Tarheel hat (yes, they are still #1!). Jack has so many wonderful things to wear and I wish I could remember exactly who gave me which items...I also wish I could adequately thank everyone. I have been overwhelmed with so many things that Jack is wearing/using....it's such an honor to have so many people who care about us.

I've always felt cared for and listened to (and boy, can I talk sometimes)....but I feel more comfortable being the giver instead of the receiver. But, even at my age..you're never too old to learn. Here are some things I've learned lately.....

I've learned to smile graciously and say thank you, from the heart.

I've also learned which grunts mean....I need to burp, eat more, I'm making you something stinky in my diaper...& so on, & so forth.

I've learned how wonderful it is to have a husband who has paternity leave and helps you during the night feedings. Even this talker can sit there & cat nap at 0300 instead of solving all the world's problems during the feeding.

I've learned that kissing Jack about a 100 times a day probably won't seem enough when that day comes when my kisses won't be allowed in public...I wish time could stand still for now....but then again, it will be a nice night when I sleep through the night again.

I'm sure each season will have it's joys.

Remember to Smile at Your Baby

No, I didn't take this picture...it's a sample picture from our new computer. Mr. Tarheel has been busy getting everything set up, but loading all the pictures has is still on the un-checked off part of the list. Learning the ins & outs of Vista is a work in progress...so be patient all you blog watchers:)

We're loving on Jack and constantly working to figure out all his needs....the sleep loss is starting to accumulate, so I won't be posting every day anymore. All you who have taken care of a newborn 24/7 will understand, I'm sure.

Jack updates: 12/27 weight 9 lbs, 6oz---the beautiful boy is getting bigger by the day. He loves to sit in his swing & even takes cat naps there. Tucker ignores him as he's going back & forth.

We're addicted to our baby monitor and it even has a belt clip...Jack makes grunts/groans while he's sleeping but we're figuring out what it sounds like when he's really waking up. I still wander in the nursery from time to time to see just how beautiful he is as he's sleeping. He definitely likes to wake up slow and enjoys his mobile music (Bach, Beethoven, Mozart) while he's waking up. I'm always saying...wake up sleepy head...and when he opens his eyes, I give him a big smile and tell him how much I love him.

Speaking of smiling at your baby...I took a class in school called Infant Mental Health (I know what you may be thinking but actually, I learned alot in the class). I read a study that said that parents smile less at their first born than later children. So, hence, I try to remember to smile more....just a little tid bit of possible useless information for you. Since Mr. Tarheel & I are both first born and we turned out just great...I'm sure it doesn't affect too many people negatively.

Happy Holidaze 2007

Here's Jack, under the Christmas tree. Our precious gift from God....His shirt says "#1 on Santa's List". He's wearing shoes for the first time too. There are so many firsts...first Christmas for him, but he won't remember that he didn't get any presents from his Mom & Dad...there's nothing whatsoever, he needs...his life is already filled with contentment.

Last night, we took him out to eat at a restaurant...he slept the entire time. We did our customary drive around Enumclaw....looking at Christmas lights. Like last year and in year's past, we saw families gathering together for holiday dinners and celebrations. It's hard living so far from your family during the holidays...but I didn't feel a sad undertone like in the year's past. Mr. Tarheel & I agreed....we were a family...the little girl, the little boy, and the big red dog. But now, with Jack...it's so much sweeter.

Here's the Christmas letter, written before Jack was born...for all of you who don't receive my Christmas letter. I write it like a children's story with us as the characters. And of course, Tucker, is the big red dog!

Happy Holidaze 2007

“Wow, what a year,” thought the big red dog, as he begged the little boy for some turkey and dressing. He knew he had so much to be thankful for, as he performed his new trick of sitting for a slice of salami. He remembered the look of amazement on their faces as the little girl’s stomach & ankles grew bigger and bigger. After all the patient waiting, the little girl and the little boy told him that he finally was going to be a 4-legged big brother. “What does that mean,” he thought? Even though he didn’t yet understand how fun it would be to have a 2-legged little brother, when he saw the smiles on their faces and the love in their eyes, he knew this was going to be a really wonderful thing!

The little boy and the little girl were planning to name his baby brother Jack, and told him that he would be born very soon, before Christmas time. The road had been long but persistence, determination, and hope had kept them going. It was a true miracle for their family of three as the little girl and the little boy looked at their big red dog. Because of high blood pressure, the little girl couldn’t go to work and had to rest since the end of summer. The big red dog loved this because he took naps with her and the little girl had more time to scratch his belly than ever. The little boy took very good care of both of them. The big red dog had always wanted his own little baby brother. The big red dog couldn’t wait for Jack to grow up enough to show him all the treasures on the farm in the great Northwest, with a view of the snow covered mountain. They were going to have so much fun together!

The big red dog had lots of fun chasing the new red mama and baby cows and running around the big red barn. He didn’t like it when the new electric fence bit him (and the little boy laughed) or when he got in trouble for running across the road to play with his friend. He loved being king of his green chair and even paid attention to some of the sports that the little girl was always watching. He liked it when the little boy would let him sit on the couch as long as his front paws stayed on the floor. The big red dog would give them the biggest look of love possible with his big brown eyes and he knew they were the best little boy and little girl that a big red dog could have!

The little boy still protected the good people from the bad people and the little girl would go back to helping new families being born in the hospital on the hill overlooking the water. But very soon, when they were all at home together, instead of being just the little boy, the little girl, and the big red dog…they were going to have a new baby Jack to join them—finally a family of four. My, oh my, this would even be more happiness than the little girl’s Tarheel basketball team being ranked #1 or the little boy’s joy of driving his boat over the Snake River rapids. The happiest day of their lives was fast approaching!

Our dream come true…baby Jack Christopher is due 12/22/07 but we are expecting him a little early…check Teresa’s blog for more information at http://www.tarheel88.blogspot.com/

Blessings to you at Christmas and throughout 2008!

Serious Look

Here's that serious face look that I was talking about yesterday. He has even made me laugh by sticking out his bottom lip when he's seriously pondering something...like why he has to burp or wait for 30 seconds for his most urgent need to be met!

Appreciating Jack

Jack likes it when his fingers magically find themselves in his mouth. It's not on purpose yet and I see the surprise in his eyes, followed by lots of sucking. In this picture, he looks like he's contemplating something...he routinely has a thoughtful look on his face. Sometimes, he looks quite serious...especially when he's first waking up or ready to eat.

I'm settling in a little. I'm not surprised anymore when I go into the nursery (Wow, there's a nursery in my house!) and there, sleeping or crying, is my little baby Jack. It felt like a dream for awhile but I've never heard of a dream lasting this long. I still tell myself sometimes....this is real! I'm wondering if my feelings of appreciation for this gift is average or above average from how other people feel. I'm not talking about love...I don't doubt every parent feels this fierce love inside...the kind that doesn't hesitate to step in front of a bullet that's headed for your child. I'm talking about the appreciation....the realization that this event....parenthood....could have easily not been in the cards for you. Then I tell myself...and all those of you out there who are still in the trenches or those of you who had the dreaded unplanned pregnancy...keep playing your cards, keep searching for your path on your journey....All our journey's are different and I suppose I don't have to compare myself to everyone else's level of appreciation. All I know is, I won't be taking this gift of baby Jack for granted.

Enjoying the Boppy

Jack is starting to like his boppy and we do short sessions of tummy time. He practices his baby gymnastics and is working out his neck and back muscles. Afterwards, he enjoys sitting around in the boppy and has even fallen asleep there. Here he is in front of the Christmas tree but you can only see the railroad track of the Lionel train in the picture...I'll get a nice picture of the entire scene for a future posting. The neatest "kid" to watch is Tucker when the train is going....he hasn't figured out the train yet and runs back and forth when the train is going...at least he's getting some indoor exercise on our rainy days.

Brothers: One 4-legged & One 2-legged

Tucker is adjusting to his new brother Jack. The first day home, he was a little nervous but never aggressive. Now, he's settled in and is gentle. He gets up at night to help feed Jack. He usually sits on his chair and waits until we go back to bed...with his eyes closed. He uses the opportunity to go outside & potty. Since he's already 4 1/2 years old, maybe this is the reason for such fast understanding. Or maybe he innately knows that this little brother will bring him great joy over the rest of his life. Also, we haven't changed any of Tucker's routine...the big red dog still sleeps in the big bed, between the little girl and the little boy. Jack prefers his crib, so that's made it really easy.

Jack Looking at Mom at 2 weeks Old

Here's Jack looking at me...He has several very alert times each day and really takes in his environment. He especially seems to like my voice (even the loud version). He likes to have his hands mid-line & clasps them together well. Of course, I think he is a brilliant baby! Each day is one happy day after another, especially with Christmas fast approaching:)

Have Car Seat, Will Travel

So far, Jack is a good traveler...I think it has most to do with the fact that he falls asleep whenever we are driving somewhere. Now learning to work baby equipment can be a challenge....but I think Mr. Tarheel & I are learning fast. Yesterday, we took Jack for his first trip to the mall. The goal was to go into one store and one store only because we wanted to get back home before it was time for Jack to eat again...I call this "turning into a pumpkin". We were fast...we even had time to take Jack into Costco! The Costco trip was for one main reason...to buy diapers. You don't realize how many diapers you are changing until your supply quickly dwindles. There was almost an entire row of diapers....all except for size 1---the size we needed. Word to the wise...Costco rarely has size 1...oh well, it's good to learn something every day.

Frequently asked question: How is your swelling Tarheel88? Well, there is still "pitting" edema around my ankles/top of my feet. But they are soft! I can't wear my regular shoes yet and probably won't for a little while. But there is a new weight loss record for the guiness world book...I lost 33 lbs in the 2 weeks since birth! Now, I had gained 60 lbs total, so I still have the "normal" pregnancy weight to go, but at least I'm justified for all the complaining that I did about my swelling. Remember the "puffy is as puffy does" posting? And, I haven't received any diuretics! Lesson to be learned: correct the reason for the swelling and you won't need diuretics!~

Dr. Brian & 1st Tarheel Game

I haven't said too much about Dr. Brian...Jack's pediatrician. I wasn't able to meet him personally before Jack was born, but I did read & really relate to his philosophy of care on the practice web site. I liked the location, the after hours urgent care (nights & weekends if needed), and the ability to schedule appointments & get labs on-line. So far, we have seen Dr. Brian twice....at 4 & 7 days of age. I had a great feeling about the efficiency of the office immediately. Dr. Brian was all smiles, thorough, and addressed all my concerns. He told me to be the Mom...of course, I am a Mom now, but also, I am a sum of all my other experiences. It will be a process...I did great until the end of the 2nd visit when I asked about the result of the 1st state screen (we were getting the 2nd one done). Everything was "normal"...you know how that word is...but this time, I just said..."great!". On the way out, this was my response to Mr. Tarheel, who asked about the test:

My response was....well, he doesn't have hypothyroid, congenital adrenal hyperplasia, phenylkentonuria, maple syrup urine disease...then Mr. Tarheel interrupted me and said..."it was normal, right?" and I said "yes".

"That's all I need to know", he said...& I smiled:)

Side note: Jack watched his first Tarheel game last night...a blow-out of Rutgers and UNC continues to be ranked #1. I see it will take a few years to transfer the excitement that I feel over to my boy.

Birth Story---Part 2

Here's beautiful Jack at 6 days old...I brushed his hair for the first time and gave him a hair part like Daddy.

More birth story..I think I ended last time after the amnio at about 3:00pm....So, I made my calls to my parents & sisters and Mr. Tarheel called his parents. Everyone was so excited and so was I, with a little bit of nervousness added in there. I thought...it's almost show time! I was waiting in OB triage and about 4:30pm, Dr. Tracy came by to tell me the lungs were mature and it was a go! Deb & Cheryl (NNPs extraordinaire) came by and I knew Jack was in great hands with them, if needed. Mr. Tarheel & I were all smiles and the planned time was 6:30pm. They wheeled me over to room 451...a room that I had been in many times before but now, I was in the bed. A very nice nurse...Jarret got me ready for the surgery. I had to get undressed and put on the hospital gown. On the monitor, Jack was perfect. I had to have an IV done (2 sticks but it didn't hurt with lidocaine) and I got my antibiotic. I remember Monday night football being on and I was mildly interested in the game but it didn't hold my attention. Time passed quickly and there was a delay b/c the anesthesiologist was busy. Then George came by and did my pre-op exam and he was very laid back and proficient. A little before 7pm, I walked over to C/S room #3...another room where I go at work...it felt more & more weird. Mr. Tarheel was very interested in the surgical part of the delivery and he began to walk around the room, taking lots of pictures. George started doing my spinal and I called out for someone's hand...Dr. Tracy was waiting, so she ran over to support me. Mr. Tarheel got the idea quick and rushed over to relieve her. The spinal was only about 20 seconds of discomfort and then WOW...they told me to lay down quickly and boy was that feeling quick...it's hard to describe but you can feel certain things, but not pain. It felt alien, for sure. I quickly started feeling nauseous....a common side of effect of the drop in blood pressure. George gave me some quick drugs for that & luckily, I didn't throw up and felt great within 2 minutes. I had some unusual sensations and one was the feeling of hunger! Dr. Tracy said the adhesions from my previous surgery were more than she expected, so luckily I didn't need an emergent delivery...it took some time to get to the uterus. I laughed when Dr. Tracy said my uterus was beautiful!

Then, a surreal moment happened...time stood still for me and the event that would separate the two parts of my life happened...Jack was born and he cried! They showed him to me on the way over to the radiant warmer...he was very pink and kept crying....(apgars 9 & 9) giving me lots of reassurance. Now, I'm wondering how all the mothers feel when we are there and immediately intubate their little premie....I can never take hearing him cry for granted! Deb & Cheryl were there and they were the best...taking pictures and helping Mr. Tarheel trim the cord. I could see him as they weighed him and my thought at that time was...he doesn't weigh 8 lbs...I was right...he was 7 lbs, 10 oz. They wrapped him up and Chris held him and walked over to show him to me. Some of my first thoughts were...he is so beautiful! Wow, he's here---finally!

Extreme Joy

Not the best picture of Jack...those little hands love to be near his face...but I thought my smile really captures my extreme joy!

Today was his second pediatrician visit with Dr. Brian and he is over his birth weight at 8 lbs 1 oz. Dr. Brian asked me a dreaded question, but I got it right...he asked, "have you listened to him with a stethoscope yet?" and my answer was "No"...so even though I have "tendencies", I'm not completely over the top yet!

Sorry for such a lag in completing the birth story...I'll work on it soon!

Early Morning

Here's Jack at 6 days of life...not really looking at the camera but a nice entire body (jaundiced) picture.

In the stillness of the early morning, our eyes meet and connect...the look that only a mother & newborn son share. He thanks me with a grunt of contentment, we touch skin to skin. I savor the moment, remembering all the details for future recall.

Jack's Learning the Newborn Tarheel Fight Song

There's a break in Tarheel basketball action from Dec 4 to Dec 16...no games to watch for me & Jack. I had set to record the Dec 4 Tarheel game before Jack was born..so luckily, we were able to watch it during those first home, middle of the night feedings. It was another of those early season blow-outs. But of course as #1 fan, I'm watching how each player is playing...memorizing statistics, making predictions. We're early season ranked #1, then #2 (sorry Bruins on your loss), then #1 again...no losses yet for us. With Ty Lawson as point guard, I think we are a Final 4 team...I just hope to beat the Dukies in both games and seal up the ACC championship (once again...to make Coach K frown). This will be to a great advantage b/c we will be able to play first round NCAA tournament games in Raleigh, NC and then move on the Charlotte, NC for the 2nd round before going on the San Antonio for the Final Four. To enjoy the motivating home crowd/team advantage is a big advantage on the way to April 7...the night of the National Championship!

When I talk to Jack about all things Tarheel, he gives me that big eyed look of interest...I'm sure it's all sinking in to that little brain! Now speaking of Jack's eye color...it's not very evident right now....sometimes, I'm sure they will be blue. In certain light, they appear that way. But in other light, they look hazel...we'll have to see how they change.

I'm hearing Jack beginning the newborn Tarheel fight song...so more later:) Here's a picture us with Jack at 8 days old...all you neonatal nurses will see Jack wrapped in the infamous "bunny" blanket...with the Bunnies pointing in the up (right) direction...yes, you can take the girl out of the NICU but the NICU is still in the girl!

Seeking Passport Photo

Here's Jack at 8 days old....head resting on his frog silkie and loving his soothie pacifier. More firsts today...he peed on the wall....I laughed so hard that Tucker & Mr. Tarheel came in to see what was so funny. Jack screamed bloody murder b/c I was so tickled that I was slow changing all his clothes (again). We visited a breastfeeding specialist and Jack showed off for her...things are improving. His bilirubin or jaundice level was 12.4 (transcutaneous/skin) which is dropping and now officially in zone 1 (for all you know the AAP chart by heart....like me!). His weight was up to 7 lbs 9.8 oz---almost back to birthweight....since Friday at the Pediatrician visit (another posting)...he is gaining over 2 oz a day (milk guzzler).

We were the crazy parents at the Walgreen's photo center today...you know the ones..who are oblivious to everything else in the world...especially the fact that you are in a long line and they are doing something you think is stupid and taking way to long to do it. We were both trying to wake him up (after a feeding...bad idea) so we could have his passport photo taken. Yes, according to the United States government, an infant, must have their eyes open in a passport photo. We laughed so much but never got that photo! Now, I want to know, how they will use a newborn picture to identify him in a few months?

First Family Picture & Other Firsts

First Family Photo after Jack was born...You can't see Mr. Tarheel's smile but I know he had a big grin b/c of how his eyes looked. Poor Jack...he wasn't so happy getting pulled through a sun-roof into a bright, cold room.

There are other firsts...he laughed out loud last night. I don't know why but I imagined he was dreaming about how great his life will be! We went today & got our Christmas tree...his first Christmas is coming up....He also went to the grocery store for the first time. He was the quietest kid there...compared to all the toddlers asking for high sugary snacks. He's getting less jaundiced, eating well, and sleeping well...except between 1-3am...he likes quiet time with his Mom or Dad.

Sometimes, it's hard to believe. He's ours, all ours. Mr. Tarheel believed in this outcome. April believed for me when the HCG didn't rise normally. My believing has come in stages...one little step at a time. I'm almost there.

Thanks Dr. Tracy

Here's a picture of Dr. Tracy, getting ready to do my C-section...She was great for me emotionally and of course, the best skilled OB around. She remained a calming force for me throughout this long pregnancy, especially at the end. On the day of delivery, she handled everything so efficiently and reassured me constantly. When I saw her after the delivery, I asked her...now that he was born at 37 weeks, when did you really think he would be born? Remember, her prediction was to get to the "middle 30's" in gestation.... She smiled and said...I really did believe we would get there! Way to go...maybe she should open her own psychic office....So the day Jack was born, will always be remembered as a great day with no excepts at the end of the sentence!

Jack Update....well, he's still the cutest baby in Enumclaw! I'm biased, but it's really, really true! Jack is jaundiced and we were concerned, so we went to Swedish for a jaundice or bilirubin check last night. The level was 16 at 5 days of age, so he doesn't need phototherapy (18 was the treatment level). Guess what his Mom did....I guessed the level before I knew. I have ESPN...no, I mean ESP. My wonderful colleague, Alison, was SO helpful...thank you! She helped us get the level done and took time out of her busy day to spend time with us. Jack did something for the first time...he peed out of his diaper and on Sally, a night shift nurse. Sorry, Sally...I felt bad b/c she had to change her clothes.

My First Sight of Jack

Here's how Jack looked when I first saw him...I first saw the color pink (then exhaled) and then saw how handsome he was. He cried continuously during the first minutes of life and his apgars were 9 and 9!

The birth story would be way, way too long for one posting...you know my seem less rambling thoughts....so I'll give it in installments. Here we go...Mr. Tarheel & I had a visit with Dr. Tracy on Friday, Nov 30 with the plan to come back Monday, Dec 3rd for a NST/labs. Beforehand, I thought it could be that day, so I did pack my hospital bag (but unfortunately, I forgot to tell Mr. Tarheel to put it in the car...so we left it by the door that morning). The NST was normal and while we were waiting for the lab results to come back, we went to World Wraps, where I ate a nice steak burrito at 1130am (this insignificant detail becomes significant later:). When we returned to the office about noon to get the lab results, we noticed fire trucks around the administration building of Swedish and lots of people standing outside in the windy, pouring rain. The labs were mostly normal...platelets were low at 140K and uric acid above normal (officially) and increasing. Eva, Dr. Tracy's assistant, had called & told her my labs and she said she wanted to talk to us but couldn't leave the hospital b/c of some type of "electrical" fire in the hospital. Dr. Tracy wanted us to come back before 2:00pm to talk with her. So we went on a drive around Seattle, during the 2nd wettest day in Seattle's history, and guessed about what she was going to tell us. My guess was wrong....I thought she would say come back at the end of week again and maybe deliver next week. Mr. Tarheel dropped me off and after walking in to the office, I did not feel well. I asked Eva to take my BP again...earlier it had been 150/90 & stable. My BP was 168/100! Dr. Tracy came in & said...we need to have this baby....I said....today? The question was lung maturity...so she consulted her partner and the plan was to do an amnio to test for lung maturity and if mature, deliver. I had to ride in a wheelchair over to OB triage...which was initially weird but at least I wasn't short of breath, like when I was walking. I started worrying about the amnio but none of my fears were confirmed. It was less painful than a blood draw! Dr. Finch, radiologist, helped identify the best pocket of amniotic fluid and Jack held still and Dr. Tracy, aspirated (with a 22gauge needle...I had to ask) and the fluid was sent off stat, with the results usually taking 1-2 hours. My concept of time may not be precise, but I think the amnio was done about 3pm. So I started making my calls about what was happening....we knew we had to wait until my stomach was empty for 7-9 hours...so the delivery wouldn't be before 6:30pm.

More next time....Jack's waking up and I must go look into those beautiful eyes again!

My New Title: Mother

Here's Jack right after delivery...getting his first weight. There are many people to thank, but for starters..thanks to Dr. Tracy and my co-workers Deb & Cheryl for taking care of Jack at the delivery.

What an experience it was...giving birth and seeing our son for the first time. It's such a long story and I'm sure to describe every detail in excruciating detail...but later. We're back from the hospital and learning how to take care of Mr. Jack. It's a steep learning curve and we fell off of it on our first night home. But we don't think Jack is holding a grudge because he is loved so, so much.

I am a sum of my experiences, so the old wounds of infertility will be there forever...but growing there too, in my inner being, is the intense love I feel for Jack. I know there are people out there who will read this who are still in the trenches, so I hope, in some way, my story gives you hope.

I have learned not to take pregnancy and parenthood for granted. My dream---my wish for a child was complicated but now I can say inspiringly successful! I once read a series of essays from people who shared my same dream and their journeys. Here is my edited version of “Heedless Love” by Barbara Jones.

The irrevocable moment in becoming a parent is not the moment you conceive a child; it’s the moment you conceive of him. Maybe in your mind, he looks partly like you and partly like your husband. Maybe he looks partly like your husband and partly like some beautiful, genius egg donor. Maybe he is coffee brown and Peruvian; you are white and English. Maybe he is a she.

But whatever your idea of your child, once you have it, once you have thought of him as yours (which may happen ten years before he’s born, or four months into your pregnancy, or six weeks after you meet him), nothing can stop you from wanting him. And only some terrible force outside of your control will prevent you from having him.

You will run through icy winds for him. You will leave your husband for him. You will quit your job for him, take two jobs for him. You will lie slant, almost upside down, for forty-eight hours so he can be born two fewer days premature. You will let your bones crack apart for him. If the adoption agency says you are too old to adopt him, you will find another agency. If the first in vitro- insemination fails to produce him, you will shoot hormones into your butt for another month. And if you miscarry, your child has died. If the birth mother changes her mind, your child has been torn from you. So stay strong in your quest, preserve and wherever your journey takes you, go confidently, head held high.

I like my new title...mother!

The Happiest Day of Our Lives!

He's Here! Our Dream Come True!

Jack Christopher

Date: 12/03/07

Time: 7:28 pm

Weight: 7 pounds 10 ounces

Length: 21 inches

We will post more info/pictures when we are home from the hospital.

Goal Reached--37 weeks Today

This countdown will end soon, but not before the celebration of 37 Weeks Today!! I'm imagining (& you can too) me running like Rocky Balboa, through the streets of Philadelphia, shaking my fists in the air, my crowd of well-wishers running with me....go ahead, hum the theme to Rocky in your head.... I have a big smile on my face and so does Mr. Tarheel & Tucker....

At yesterday's appointment, my BP was 158/98--the highest ever but came down with rest to 140/90. My NST/labs were *normal*. I'm BIG, measuring 42cm (that's the uterus, measured from bottom to top) and at 37 weeks, it's supposed to be 37cm---so I'm 5 cm bigger than expected. Dr. Tracy started talking about delivery sooner rather than later but the plan now is to go back on Monday for another NST & labs. She listened to my fears & acknowledged with my job, I can go places others don't go. She explained wet lungs, maturity, & size to Mr. Tarheel, who quickly gave his views on factors affecting calf birth weight...(smile).

So the waiting continues, & we are going to bank up on sleep this weekend so we'll be ready for Mr. Jack if he comes next week.

Flowers & Dark Rum

Another surprise-less & uneventful appointment yesterday...my platelet count went UP to 148K and all other labs/BP are holding steady. I see Dr. Tracy on Friday at 36 6/7 weeks...only 1 day before my goal date...YIPPEE!

Thanks for all the well wishes/emails/calls/prayers....I wish I could say something funny or catchy to make you chuckle. The fact is....look up the word misery in Mr. Webster and you will see my picture! But, as I have said many times before, this is temporary and soon I will be looking into Jack's eyes!

I did tell Mr. Tarheel that there will be no excuses because on every Mother's Day for the rest of my life, I am to be thanked with flowers! He agreed and then said that he would like to be thanked with a good bottle of dark rum! We laughed together, each imagining and almost understanding, for a moment, what the other person is going through.

Are We There Yet? 36 Weeks!

Good morning all you gestational trackers...I hear your shouts (that's holler, in the south) of joy from the east coast to the west coast because here we are.....Jack has made it to 36 WEEKS! Only 1 more week and he will officially not be a premature baby. So the answer to your question...the same question you asked your parents on the way to Grandma's house..."Are we there yet?"....the answer is no, but almost! I see the end and Mr. Tarheel & I are getting more & more excited....

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Know I Can

Well, the seemingly longest pregnancy in recent history is still progressing...much to my happiness & amazement! Here's a summary of yesterday's appointment:

1. I have a new diagnosis: macrosomia or large for gestational age (LGA). Jack's estimated weight for 35 3/7 weeks is 7 lb 11oz. Wow! The accuracy is within 10-15%, so maybe it's a little lower:) Everything else on the ultrasound is "normal" and they checked again...he's still a boy! So high BP hasn't affected his growth...yippee. Don't worry, I'm not going to start smoking now to lower his birth weight a little!
2. Yes, I'm the puffiest patient around with weight gain to prove it. I'm scratching my head wondering how much can my body take....maintaining homeostasis must come at some price but my skin isn't splitting yet.
3. Platelets are dropping...now at 132K...down from 157k since Friday, but only down from 146K from a week ago. Next appointment/labs are Monday, 11/26 at 36 2/7 weeks. BP doing "OK" with some readings 160's/mid-90's but with rest, comes down to 150's/80's. Dr. Tracy said no more increase on BP med b/c at this point, it won't extend the pregnancy & we'll consider delivery at a platelet count of 100K. So yes, I'll have my suitcase with me on Monday for the appointment...
4. Sleep quality is deteriorating....Mr. Tarheel is now sleeping in the guest room and even Tucker has joined him. But he still wakes up to listen for my snoring and if he doesn't hear it, he comes in to check on me.

Thanks for all the calls, cards, and emails of support...it's very nice and encouraging. I know I can do it but it's so much easier with all the wonderful support!

Stable (Mentally & Physiologically) & 35 Weeks!

Yesterday's appointment with Dr. Tracy went off without a hitch...I have stable labs & we're hanging out at home until the next appointment on Tuesday. Yeee-Heee--35 weeks today! Here's me getting ready for the appointment as described by different aspects of my personality...

"Why are you packing your hospital bag, complete with the cameras?" asked Mr. Tarheel.

"You know to be ready, just in case, he's born today....you know the labs could change enough and get more out of the normal range (abnormal), so Jack has be born...SO PACK YOUR BAG TOO", comments OCD Tarheel as she is packing Jack's bag also....

"Yes, Jack could be making his debut through the uterine sun-roof anytime now...look how far we've come and how wonderful it will be to see him..." says Comedy Tarheel, with a big, happy smile on her face.

"I've pre-programmed all the upcoming UNC basketball games to be recorded, but hopefully, the only one we'll miss is the one against SC State that won't be on TV here." says #1 Fan Tarheel.

"Let's go...everything's going to be fine," says Mr. Tarheel, as I get it together...thanking God for a husband that does more listening than talking.

Tucker Says Hi to In-Utero Jack

Watchful Waiting

Today was a scheduled appointment with Dr. Tracy. I hadn't seen her in 2 weeks and she smiled and said, "We've made it, you're 34 weeks!" Boy, do I know what she's talking about, comparing the worst case scenerio to now. During the NST, I had a strong contraction but luckily, didn't feel a thing. The nurses were surprised. I laughed by myself when I said that I hope I never feel a contraction. There was much hoopla about my fluid retention/swelling/extreme weight gain. I'm passed justifying that I had only eaten ice cream once in the last 2 weeks! My feet were the main attraction...they were noted to be about the puffiest feet that they had seen in a long time. For some reason, this notoriety did not make me feel better.


Dr. Tracy said that everyone who has to come in wearing their slippers, must have a stat PIH panel done. She wanted me (with increased concern) to wait for the results, so I slowly walked over and rested in the NNP call room. It was nice to see some co-workers that I have missed over these last 3 months...I reassured them that I wouldn't deliver today b/c I had my camcorder and my camera with me (thanks, April, for the wonderful advice!). Being prepared wards off evil spirits in neonatal land....


The labs weren't all completely normal anymore (yes, that means some were abnormal or not in the normal range....). The platelets are falling and the uric acid is rising but the creatinine and liver enzymes are still normal. So Dr. Tracy said things like..."I'm concerned there's a change and we need to watch you more closely...". So I go back in on Friday afternoon to repeat the labs and NST. Mr. Tarheel will be able to go with me for this visit. I think I will pack my bag and have it in the car (you know, those pesky evil spirits)....hopefully, I can keep on trucking for a couple more weeks....I have my eyes set on Dec 1st--37 weeks!


I did have a moment of panic...I may only have a short time left to be pregnant. As bad as I feel sometimes....I have come to enjoy my long-awaited pregnancy...well, at least the good parts of it. Mostly, I have loved knowing that I am nurturing Jack and I love feeling his movements. I know many pregnancies progress much more easily than mine has, but this has been mine, all mine to experience and savor.

Important news just in: Jack will listen (through skin, muscle, & yes, some body fat) to his first UNC basketball game vs. Davidson today at 4pm PST...the loudest part will be his mother (aka #1 fan) shouting her commentary & cheers! This is just the beginning of a fierce sports bond between mother and son!

Hooray--34 Weeks Today!

Here's a picture of my feet...I don't think you can fully appreciate it but these are now my puffy painful feet. I had Mr. Tarheel rub them with lotion and while it felt good during the massage, afterwards, it was a painful, burning sensation for hours. I did buy some shoes that fit.........size 9 1/2 and I wore a size 7 1/2 before. Anyone that size need some almost new Merrill's when this is over? Mostly, I wear either nothing or some soft house shoes for comfort....I'm past worrying about fashion.

My cheering team is giving me new motivation to get ready for Jack. It takes forever to do anything when you can only do something for 5 minutes if it involves movement. Sometimes, I even get short of breath talking on the phone, while I'm sitting. I have to monitor myself for how much laughing that I'm doing. I can only laugh about 15% of the time! The crib & bassinet are up and the clothes are about half organized. Wow, a baby needs a lot of supplies! Today, we are going to work on Jack's closet. What that means, is I sit in a chair and tell Mr. Tarheel in excruciating detail where and how to do everything and he does it as long as he can possibly tolerate it. Then he distracts me by offering to cook our dinner. Cooking is his respite because we both know that he can cook far better than I can, so I'm not going to offer any directions, only thanks.

Only 3 weeks to term...for those marathoners out there, is this like the 24th mile of a marathon?

Men's Basketball Pre-season Poll: UNC #1 & Mr. Tarheel at Midnight

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/rankings?poll=1

Not Tarheel Born, but Tarheel Bred

Today, the most wonderful of surprises arrived from the bestest Tarheel friend a Tarheel could ever have. Wrapped in Tarheel paper, was the most thoughtful package of Tarheel love that Mr. Jack, future Tarheel, has received. Some of the contents included the softest, Carolina blue, hand-knitted baby blanket, handmade Tarheel 07 Jack burp clothes, a Tarheel hat, pacifier, & Tarheel pacifier lanyard, a Jack bib, and Jack's first soft infant Tarheel basketball! Tears of joy and sweet memories flooded my heart....Here's a picture of us about 20 years ago!

Some people are destined to be life-long friends, even if they meet because one is the most gregariously loud person who can talk to anyone, even if she doesn't know them (that would be me)! Back in college, when I was waiting in line to be a hospital volunteer & wearing an unforgettable sun-dress, I met my bestest friend Kristi. We would conquer nursing school together in most of the same classes and clinical groups. We had so many fun times together and she kept me out of some trouble, here & there. Despite time and distance, we can pick up where we left off and know we will always have the other's understanding. Wow, she's great!

She knows that Jack won't be Tarheel born, since his mother is the #1 Tarheel fan, he will definitely be Tarheel Bred!

Shower of Love

My baby shower turned out so wonderful and beautiful. My friends Alayne, Debbie, and Karen were the hostesses and had every detail planned out...and waited on me hand & foot....It was extra activity but I took extra labetalol and the highest BP was 160/90. I held it together because I was so busy talking (who, me?) and eating and opening presents and before I had much time to reflect, Mr. Tarheel came to pick me up & it was over. I received SO many beautiful presents, it's hard to believe. So many current & old friends came...thank you! It meant SO much...to have each and every person there and I am so grateful!

Today, it feels a little emotional to think about....how I got to this point & all those that helped me along my way. I, (ME), was the guest of honor, at a baby shower for ME! If I had known the journey, would I have had the perseverance to complete it? Maybe knowing would have made it easier, because it took SO long. Last year about this time, I made my first appointment to begin the process for the cycle. I remember that Mr. Tarheel & I had a conversation (one of thousands) about one of OUR 2 possible outcomes (have a baby or live child-free). I remember thinking & believing in US, whatever the outcome. I saw myself & us living happily with either outcome...it had taken so many years, but I had finally released the burden. Now, I don't think this caused the cycle to work....it's a gamble, a percentage thing. Donor egg IVF will work about 70% of the time presently. It's a roll of the dice....after so many losing rolls, our number came up & here we are. But it's good to know that I would have been OK either way. Don't get me wrong...I'm super excited to go down the path of motherhood, but I know that Mr. Tarheel & I could have been super excited too about the rest of their lives, living child-free.

Now back to the wonderful shower of love....each person there, at some point and/or for years & years had helped me "fight my battle in the trenches". Every person had taken the time (some hours/hours & some days/days), to help me process my journey of trying/loss/infertility. Boy, it lightened my load! I couldn't have done it alone...so to each of you....I thank you not only for the beautiful baby gifts, but even more for all the support over the years...listening, offering insight, redirecting me from my tangent thoughts, distracting me, and now being happy for me...You are the best!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Cautious Optimism

Today was another regular OB visit...another one with Dr. Megan, since Dr. Tracy is on vacation. We started with nurse Stacey and the non-stress test..monitoring the heart rate, looking for reactivity. Jack was passing with flying colors (especially after my apple juice) until nurse Stacey thought his heart rate dropped to the 80's. I thought it was my heart rate but Dr. Megan wanted to make sure, so we kept monitoring for a full hour and it never happened again. Nothing to worry about, they say. Now I can go back to my regular worries of global warming and who will win this weekend's NFL match-ups...

Dr. Megan is a good mix of humor and expertise....she checked out the amount of amniotic fluid and it's a little lower but still normal (in the normal range, but decreasing:). She said...you might make it to term (hopeful optimism).... & I started to laugh. Mr. Tarheel asked me, why are you laughing? I thought, I never in my wildest dreams actually believed that I would make it to term. I mentally prepared for the worst case scenario and it looks like it's not going to happen. I'm starting to feel more & more lucky (cautious optimism). Tomorrow is 33 weeks and this is the week on the outcome statistics that I have been waiting for....100% survival without severe sequela.

It's hard for me to believe that he's almost here. I have so much more to do...I don't have much stamina/energy to do much each day. We have to get the nursery ready...I don't have any diapers! I don't even know what kind to buy....I still have my goal of Dec 1---37 weeks....only 28 days to go.

Sleeping (aka Sawing Logs)

Here's a picture of my pillow wedge that Mr. Tarheel designed to help me with my breathing (aka snoring) at night. He refuses to go sleep in the guest room (aka foolish dedication) and has been known to press on my chin (aka jaw thrust) to see if he can open my airway more. Tucker (aka future big brother) hasn't complained yet!

Big News! UNC #1 and 32 weeks!

Big news...UNC ranked pre-season #1 in Coaches poll and I'm 32 weeks today! This Tarheel gal couldn't be happier....well, let me think about that. I'll be happier, first, when I see my healthy baby Jack and I'll be happier, second, when on March 16, UNC is wins the National Championship! This next year is going to be the happiest year of my life!

Here's some news:
GREENSBORO, N.C. -- The University of North Carolina was the unanimous pick as the favorite to win the Atlantic Coast Conference championship in men's basketball in 2007-08 and Tyler Hansbrough was voted the preseason ACC player of the year.

Men's Hoops No. 1 in Coaches' Poll
The University of North Carolina is ranked No. 1 in the nation in the 2007-08 preseason men's basketball coaches' poll, which was released by USA Today and ESPN Friday morning.

The Votes are In

Thanks to everyone who voted...helping me to guess what gestation Jack will be when he is born. Here are the results:

31-33 weeks: 18%
34-36 weeks: 43%
37-39 weeks: 37%

The funny thing is....about 18% of the time, I think he will come soon (31-33 weeks)...especially after my 32 week dream. Dr. Tracy has said several times that her prediction is the "middle 30's", which would be 34-36 weeks. But I'm banking on December 1st--the day that I turn 37 weeks---so in 36 days! I'm visualizing 37 weeks and a 7lb healthy baby, without any feeding problems:)

Puffy Is as Puffy Does

I know it's wordless Wednesday, but I need words today. On Monday, I was feeling more (& very) puffy...when I weighed myself yesterday morning, I had gained 7 lbs since my appointment on Friday. Now, in my pre-pregnant life, the number would have taken my breath away, but I'm passed that...my mind started racing towards the question, "Is this the beginning of pre-eclampsia?" So, of course, I didn't call Dr. Tracy until my sister, RaRa from SC told me to!

Yes, they were concerned enough to have me come in for a visit. Especially after I mentioned that I was short of breath with very slow walking. Dr. Tracy wasn't there, so I saw Dr. Megan. I liked her plan...check stat PIH (pre-eclampsia) labs, do a non-stress test, and give steroids if either isn't normal. This was my first non-stress test. There are 2 probes attached to your stomach...one to check for uterine contractions and one for the baby's heart rate. To "pass" the test, Jack had to have an acceleration in his heart rate, at least 15 beats above the baseline, lasting for at least 15 seconds. He was moving constantly (after I drank apple juice) and the nurse kept having to chase him with the probe. He cooperated better when I was on my left side. He passed and I had no contractions!

The labs turned out to be normal...yes, still in the normal range, not approaching the edge of the range, and not getting worse. My BP went from 160/90 (after walking in) to 110/60 (after lying down for 30 minutes). Dr. Megan's Plan: stay pregnant and rest more!

But, I say, I'm SO PUFFY! She says, yes, yes, it will probably get worse. I ask, when will I pop? She empathetically laughs. I appreciate the humor, but I don't laugh because I'm serious. One gallon of water weighs about 8 lbs...so my body is retaining lots of water. Hopefully, my heart and kidneys can keep pushing for another 5 weeks...Luckily, I bought a pair of 9 1/2 house shoes to wear b/c all my other shoes are 7 1/2!

Revisiting An Old Dream

Early in my pregnancy, when everything was "normal", including my BP...I had a dream that Jack would be born at 32 weeks. The next day, I went to work and we had five 32 week admissions...2 sets of twins and a singleton. That was weird but hopefully not prophetic. In my dream, I remember that Jack needed CPAP and one of my co-workers was giving me the RDS (respiratory distress syndrome) speech...like I've done so many times before. Mr. Tarheel was there, standing, and I was sitting in a wheelchair. I told him to sit down b/c he was pale. I turned and told my co-worker that I'd like them to intubate Jack and give him the survanta anyway. Then I woke up. In my dream, I wasn't emotional just my usual opinionated self. I see these "older" premies that need CPAP and believe they breath and eat better, faster, with a dose of survanta. Hopefully, this meant nothing....

But, I am concerned b/c I'm getting weaker, more swollen, more short of breath, and my world continues to shrink as I go from the bed to the couch and back again. Good news...my BP is still under 160/100--the magic numbers for possibly going into the hospital for more aggressive treatment. We're holding on...

Getting Closer--31 weeks!

Yesterday was another appointment to have an ultrasound and see Dr. Tracy....during the US, Jack was wiggling all over the place and putting his arms/hands near his head/mouth. The tech captured a great profile picture this time and each time I look at it, I think...Wow, there he is! Now, I still don't believe those mothers who say they didn't know they were pregnant and go to the ER with "abdominal pain" and then give birth to an 8 lb baby. How would you not know something very different is happening to your body with the normal changes of pregnancy? I've used denial, but even denial has it's limitations.

Jack's estimated weight is 4 lbs-6oz (60%), so my BP problems have not affected his growth. Everything is being reported as "normal"...and this time, he was big enough to see his gall bladder and aortic arch. You know me....wanting to check out everything possible! Dr. Tracy was pleased with the report but as I expected, thought my BP is getting too high again. So she increased my labetalol (BP medication). We are trying to achieve a balance because when I'm resting, my BP is normal and more medication could cause the resting BP to go too low. She brought up induction of labor when there's no where else to go with this and my/Jack's health begins to be affected. That's when I began my long request of a primary C-section...it was funny, b/c she cut me off after about 2 sentences, with the response, "OK". She said that I was right, there are less neonatal risks when the dating is correct (like in our case with IVF) and I would have at least a 50% chance to need one anyway with all my risk factors. Of all the things that I have had absolutely no control over during this experience, it felt weird but great to have a sliver of control! This is a load off my mind until I start thinking of the pain of surgery, but he has to come out one way or the other and my first choice is c-section.

So I go in now for weekly non-stress tests and appointments and there's a new push to get ready for him...I've ordered the crib and dresser/changing table and it will arrive next week.

My Sleeping Boys

Now, it's 30 weeks!

Yippee, instead of my lips starting to say TW (for twenty), now they can form TH (for thirty) and this is the phonetic sound that I will be making when I describe when Jack is born.....Yes, it's 30 weeks & 97% survival without severe sequela. That number is so high, we don't have to think anymore about survival with sequela because that's not going to happen!

Sometimes, time passes so slow...like the school clock in Risky Business (email me if you know what I'm talking about), that I sometimes think the clock is tricking me by ticking backwards. Then other times, I look at the pregnancy ticker and think, oh no, I have too much to do to get ready for this boy. There are too many books to read, too many movies to watch, more photo albums to do, birth announcements, Christmas cards, the nursery to set up....on & on. But then this old(er) pregnant body does the talking....telling me to rest after only about 5 minutes of anything unless I'm sitting/reclining. When this is over, my drive to move is going to take over and I'm going to be able to get things done.

But then again, I imagine that I'll be sitting for hours, staring into his face, feeling so thankful for this blessing named Jack.

Teenager Vs. Advanced Maternal Aged Red Angus

Starting today, I'm going to try a new thing...wordless Wednesday. I know, I know, this isn't wordless...but I felt compelled to at least tell you why I'll just be posting a picture and you'll only have the title as text--starting next week. This should be fun & help my creativity:)

Some of you know that I'm a Red Angus owner & certified cow watcher (yes, I'm in charge of nutrition & reproduction...Mr. Tarheel does all the dirty work!). The younger cow in the top is Scout, born in March 6th, weighing 88 lbs and on 9/1, she weighed 639 lbs. So she's officially a teenager and can be bred next summer/fall. The bigger Red Angus above is #38. I know, I should have thought of a name for her....but didn't/haven't. So her tag number is 38. She's 10 years old...already delivered about 7 or 8 calves and is officially advanced maternal age! She has an intermittently limp with arthritis and we are treating her gently to help her gain some weight (see the ribs). She is about 100 days pregnant (270 days is the gestation). She is SO laid back...you can walk behind her & she won't kick! Take Mr. Tarheel's advice and never stand behind a cow! I'll take her example & try to develop a laid back attitude since I'm in the advanced maternal age category also!

Baby Shower on 11/3: For Me?

You're invited to a Baby Shower on

Saturday, November 3, 2007

from 12-3pm (drop-in)

at Debbie Lester's home

7417 NE 198th PL

Kenmore, WA 98028

Please bring an appetizer to share.

Jack Christopher is registered at BabiesRUs (search under Teresa Myers)

RSVP (425) 486-8869 or

email: deb@isis.bm

In my previous infertile life, baby showers were a testament to extreme endurance and suppression of pain....it's right there in your face...what you hope for, save for, wait for....to have your own baby is happening for someone else & it's usually much, much easier than it will ever be for you. Now, don't get me wrong...infertiles are happy for those they care about having babies (even when it was easy for them), but it's just when you are left behind, the pain is ever so sharp. You must garner the energy to believe that it will be you one day...you will be the guest of honor at your own baby shower! There's a date on the calendar & Jack is constantly moving...it's finally happening for me!

Woo-Hoo at 29 Weeks!

This morning, early, before the clouds came up, I woke up Tucker (he's not a morning dog) and shouted---29 WEEKS today! He looks at me, wondering, what is all the excitement about? I ask forgiveness for the early arousal by giving him a new toy---a toy gorilla that makes gorilla sounds when it's squeezed. He's a fast learner....I only demonstrate it once and he's off to his spot and the house sounds like a jungle for the next 10 minutes. Enough time for me to make my coffee (decaf, of course) and sit down for my first rest break of the day.

Yes, the outcome data for 29 weeks is up to 97% survival and 93% without severe sequela....every day still counts because it means less time in the hospital and faster discharge. But of course, my goal is for him to come home with me--full-term! I'm starting to wonder how it will be to see him and take care of him! It's like waiting for Christmas to come when you're a kid...the anticipation is growing!

Doctor's order: More Rest

Yesterday was another appointment with Dr. Tracy. We're really getting to know each other well....after Jack is born, who will listen to all my aches & pains and help me solve all my problems?

None of my BPs are "dangerous" but they are trending up with even less activity...so more rest is in order. She entertained the idea of increasing the medicine again but with rest, my BP is normal and can't go any lower. She did the PIH labs again, so I'll find out those results today. My measurement went up 1 cm and is supposed to go up 2 in 2 weeks---so before the next appointment, I'll have another growth ultrasound. Maybe I heard her differently when she said things like..."He's not going to be a VLBW baby....hopefully, we'll get to the middle 30's gestation, and get ready for him..." Am I imagining things or is she preparing me for a preterm birth?

Dr. Tracy said the obvious...you can't go back to work while you're pregnant...duh! I needed to be told because there was a sliver of hope left in me. It had dwindled significantly when I stopped by work on my way over to my appointment (the buildings are connected with a skybridge). First of all, just getting ready for work and getting there would skyrocket my BP and the activity required there wouldn't definitely be too much....so I must adjust! It will be there, with it's joys & stresses, after Jack...

Excuse me, I must go rest....

First Goal Achieved--28 weeks today!

Today is a good day...my first goal reached--28 weeks! Hip, hip, hooray! 95% survival!!!! Back in the middle of August when my BP first went up, I kept looking at today's date on the calendar, hoping & praying that Jack would not be born in September. Here it is the end of September and everything is stable...no signs of preeclampsia and acceptable BPs on higher labetalol and lots of sitting around.

My nephew Lance once said, as he was buckled in his car seat, "I'm stuck!". I don't have a choice but to be a cooperative, compliant patient but the energy required to stay sane is increasing. If my thoughts turn south, I know to call someone who is a positive force and even discussing a new recipe or a recent cold will divert my attention. Mr. Tarheel, who isn't a talker, calls several times a day from work and helps distract me & keeps up with my BP. My attention span is decreasing and I've stopped looking at the clock so much. It doesn't matter what time it is to me anymore, except to take my medication. I use the sun for that...sun comes up..take my pills, sun goes down, take my pills...

I'm sure this is just the beginning of putting Jack's needs before mine. He has lots more growing to do, so I wait as patiently as possible. I thought of starting a new countdown--to 37 weeks instead of 40...that takes 21 days off the ticker and seems much less emotionally...so here's to 63 days to go!

The Listening Skills of Tucker

Tucker, the big red dog, is a great listener. As I am constantly talking, he looks at me with his wrinkled brow and his eyes seem to understand what I'm saying. He can interpret Southern!

Let's go back to the beginning...when my precious, first-loved dog Scout died, I sub-consciously had no intentions of letting another dog get inside the deepest part of my heart ever again. Scout was my four-legged son and that's all there was to it. Even though almost 3 years have passed, it's a wound that is still there, rarely sharp, but a consistent dull ache. When Tucker walked into my life, I resisted a deep bond with him. Mr. Tarheel must have quietly sensed this, because he took care of Tucker most of the time.

Over the past year, my guard has slowly been let down as Tucker has not given up on helping me to unconditionally love him. He seeks me out for a pet and follows me around the house constantly. He will even interrupt his sprint for the neighbor's cat, if I tell him no. He makes me laugh with his whimsical faces. Yes, if he wants to go outside when I'm sleeping, I don't resist anymore or get irritated. I know he wouldn't make me go to the bathroom in the rain if our roles were reversed.

He has been truly excited about spending all this time with me. He will position himself beside the desk, so when I'm on the computer, I can rub him with my feet. He never complains about my naps and takes those opportunities to stretch out & rest his head on Mr. Tarheel's pillow. I've been telling him that our lives will be changing soon and he will be a big brother...& he appears to be listening!

27 weeks today--only 10 more to term!

Yesterday, we went for our ultrasound and appt with Dr. Tracy. Mr. Tarheel noted that I wasn't the least bit nervous this time (a first). I guessed Jack would weigh about 1100 grams--but his estimated weight is 1335 grams/2lb-15oz (81st%) and head circumference is 25.8cm(55%)! Mr. Tarheel (with a smirk on his face) said that we could have a 10 pound baby...but on the growth charts, this percentile at 40 weeks equals an 8lb baby (OK, bigger than my dream of 7lbs, but still OK)! In every category, we were put in the "normal" range with a comment of "borderline greater than expected growth since 8/24". I guess Jack did obey his mother and grow as fast as he could!

I shifted into "OCD pregnancy mode" as we walked over to the OB appt. After chit chatting with Mr. Tarheel, Tracy set me at ease by checking out all my concerns. First, she agreed that with mild activity, my BP was getting too high. I wanted to increase my daytime Labetalol dose and keep the same night time dose--so she agreed and let me feel in control! I was feeling cervical pressure over the last few days, so she checked that out and it was normal. She told me to start relaxing because Jack was going to survive but he was still a "big, wimpy, white boy"....this she had to interpret for Mr. Tarheel...he had never heard of big white baby boys not wanting to breath or eat like others their size/age. We all laughed & I was calm when I left the office. Now, that's a good visit--when you can leave calm!

Today is 27 weeks! Today's outcome data is 94% survival, with 85% without severe sequela! This week the survival % goes up 0.4% daily and the "without severe sequela" % goes up 1.5% daily....As these numbers improve, I do start to hope for more...to go home with us, no feeding problems...I'm feeling greedy!

Preseason Blue Ribbon Poll: UNC #1

The preseason predictions of success begin with the blue ribbon poll & the Tarheels are #1! We await the big boys (the ones that really count)...the AP & ESPN poll.

http://tarheelblue.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/spec-rel/091807aac.html

Excitement is building and the first game that Tarheel88 will be able to watch on TV is November 14th at Davidson on ESPN. Only 53 days away! Now we have 2 countdowns going on!

Random Thoughts of Boredom

Yes, I believe I can officially call myself bored. There are levels to everything and the degree of boredom that I'm feeling has reached a deeper level. I think I will look back at this time and wish for a lazy afternoon with no agenda and no fatigue. Too much of any one thing isn't balanced...even resting. So here are some random activities/thoughts of the day:

1. Today I read letters between Mr. Tarheel & I written back in 1994, while he was in Haiti serving Uncle Sam. Wow, just married and young in love...it was refreshing. Time passed: 1 1/2 hours.
   
2. Today, I organized all the needlepoint pillow cases that my precious, recently passed away Aunt Kat made for me--keepsake treasures! Time passed: 30 minutes.
3. I wrote a letter to an old friend's mother, who will never be in computer land and always gives me handmade birthday gifts. I was on a roll and wrote another letter to an aunt to send with a pillow, which was made by her mother over 19 years ago. Her mother has passed away and I thought she would love to have this pillow, instead of me keeping it stored in a closet. Letter writing is a long lost art! Time passed: 1 hour.
4. I watched the channel Equator and saw 9 mountain lions hunt/kill a wildabeest...dramatic but real life footage. My obsession with the weather reached an all-time height today when I noticed that during the morning forecast, today's high was decreased 3 times! Time passed: 1 hour.
5. Mr. Tarheel sensed my anxiety about the new dishwasher not being completely installed even though I have lots of time to wash dishes. He obliged me and finished it and it is 100% level! I read the new manual to him aloud and he laughed as I read the section on "How to load for maximum efficiency". Time passed: 1 hour.
6. Daytime Mariners vs. A's--(we swept them!) & crotcheting. Time passed: 2 hours.
7. Reading & nap. Time passed: 1 1/2 hours.
8. Joined a Surviver pool...read all the new Survivor contestant bios. Time passed 15 minutes.

So this is only a total of about 9 hours....Oh yes, I did my kick count, dutifully cooked my oatmeal, took my BP, did some laundry, talked on the phone to my regulars--April & Alayne, and sat in the sun while watering the cows...I guess from this list, I'm staying very busy!