My New Title: Mother

Here's Jack right after delivery...getting his first weight. There are many people to thank, but for starters..thanks to Dr. Tracy and my co-workers Deb & Cheryl for taking care of Jack at the delivery.

What an experience it was...giving birth and seeing our son for the first time. It's such a long story and I'm sure to describe every detail in excruciating detail...but later. We're back from the hospital and learning how to take care of Mr. Jack. It's a steep learning curve and we fell off of it on our first night home. But we don't think Jack is holding a grudge because he is loved so, so much.

I am a sum of my experiences, so the old wounds of infertility will be there forever...but growing there too, in my inner being, is the intense love I feel for Jack. I know there are people out there who will read this who are still in the trenches, so I hope, in some way, my story gives you hope.

I have learned not to take pregnancy and parenthood for granted. My dream---my wish for a child was complicated but now I can say inspiringly successful! I once read a series of essays from people who shared my same dream and their journeys. Here is my edited version of “Heedless Love” by Barbara Jones.

The irrevocable moment in becoming a parent is not the moment you conceive a child; it’s the moment you conceive of him. Maybe in your mind, he looks partly like you and partly like your husband. Maybe he looks partly like your husband and partly like some beautiful, genius egg donor. Maybe he is coffee brown and Peruvian; you are white and English. Maybe he is a she.

But whatever your idea of your child, once you have it, once you have thought of him as yours (which may happen ten years before he’s born, or four months into your pregnancy, or six weeks after you meet him), nothing can stop you from wanting him. And only some terrible force outside of your control will prevent you from having him.

You will run through icy winds for him. You will leave your husband for him. You will quit your job for him, take two jobs for him. You will lie slant, almost upside down, for forty-eight hours so he can be born two fewer days premature. You will let your bones crack apart for him. If the adoption agency says you are too old to adopt him, you will find another agency. If the first in vitro- insemination fails to produce him, you will shoot hormones into your butt for another month. And if you miscarry, your child has died. If the birth mother changes her mind, your child has been torn from you. So stay strong in your quest, preserve and wherever your journey takes you, go confidently, head held high.

I like my new title...mother!