When a relationship fails, it is never only one person's fault. This is my philosophy, at least. I look back and process the deep regret of all the chances when I could have, should have, done something to change the trajectory of the outcome. Maybe, it could have been changed. I don't know. When I think of my part, I am flooded with regrets. But, I know that I did my best and my best wasn't good enough.
There was a specific moment when C gave up on us, for good. That moment was when he made his inappropriate, emotional attachment, physical. Sometimes, I do think it was way before that and he didn't have what it took to tell me. I'll never know for sure and I tell myself that it doesn't matter.
But I am clear in my thinking and belief, that I would have never, and I mean NEVER, done to him what he did to me. So for that, I do feel sorry for him with a compassion for someone who has to live with a mistake forever.
C said, "We tried everything." Well, no, I don't think so because I didn't understand that you didn't love me. So no, we didn't try everything. Direct communication, open and honest communication, would have helped me understand the gravity of your feelings. Beating around the bush did not work in this situation. At least not for me. So now, our son, must suffer the consequences of this...so I feel most sorry for J.
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