Why, Why, Why, I scream inside...my sister Robin's level on Monday did not go up appropriately. One of the few times in life when I could say, "I know how you feel". When my 2nd level didn't go up very much, I thought this pregnancy wouldn't be healthy. Yesterday brought bad news, her level actually went down. This signals miscarriage and is so unfair. What do you say? No words can take away the searing knife in your heart and the sadness that spills out...I can't BE there to give her a hug:(
I revisit my losses, remembering the vivid details of each one, despite the years that have passed. The time period is cloaked with gray, a constant sadness, longing, and depression. It wasn't always a valley, but the valley was there in my heart. Time moves on and we process overwhelming things very slowly, like eating an elephant...one bite at a time. We don't know how it turns out here on earth, so we keep putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes faster than other times. We walk toward a very small flicker of light, the flicker of hope....
On our journey, we always have our Maker holding one hand, helping us along. The other hand is for our earthly helpers; different people who encourage us, listen, and are there to help to divide our pain and make it bearable.
Robin, take my hand, I'll help you along....
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