Another Normal Report

It's been awhile...the Alaskan cruise was wonderful and I mostly enjoyed sleeping whenever I was tired. On Monday, we had another ultrasound at 9w2d and the 12 hours before were nail biters. I had spotting the night before, so I had lots of sleepless black thoughts going through my mind. Dr. Lin, came in & I told him, and he had a classic flat affect before the ultrasound. The first image was the heart beating---175 beats/min. The growth was normal and he said congratulations, aren't you excited? I guess I didn't look excited but did feel a ton of relief. Then I had that pesky thought that I have regularly as an infertile in a fertile world...you just don't get it! So I said, "When I see a live baby come out of me, I'll be excited." Silence. Mr. Tarheel broke the silence by asking about the chance of miscarriage...now 5% since normal growth is established. I know this is a step in the right direction, so of course I'm excited. But when your heart has been run over several times by an 18 wheeler, you just don't play chicken on the freeway!