I've been avoiding for quite some time something that I know I have to do.  It's writing my story.  See, it will be painful but there are some really good reasons to confront the pain.  I hope to gain a more balance view of the events.  I want others, especially Jack, to know some of the great things about his parents and not just the not so great things.

So, I will stop saying no to my heart and do what I need to do.

There's been lots of crying.  When I have a trigger, I have my go to coping...avoidance and denial.  Sometimes, I look the thought, event, memory in it's eyes, head on and do a stare down.  I search for the meaning, the significance.  I gleam a lesson.  I overcome.

I will try to smile more.  Not the fake one that I have perfected.  A real smile, from the heart.  

My healing heart.

tlb