It is the New Year. I sat in the dark this evening, holding Jack. Staring at his sweet, perfect little sleeping face, I have tears running down my cheeks. Tears of joy. Thinking about this past year - a life-changing year. My life is so different than it was a year ago. My dreams are fulfilled, my life feels whole, I feel complete. All the pain and sadness is forever gone. I closed my eyes - trying to imprint this moment in my memory forever. Will I remember how sweet he looks, how soft his skin feels, how wonderful he smells, how his breath feels on my cheek? This is my only fear - that I will forget. That I will forget how wonderful this feels. My wish for the New Year is not for me. I have all that I wished for. My wish for the New Year is for everyone of you who are still suffering the pain of infertility and loss. My wish is that next New Year every one of you will be holding your sweet baby in your arms, gazing at his precious face, inhaling his scent.
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