Sleeping Jack

Jack likes to sleep with his arm over or near his face...which is the exact way Mr. Tarheel sleeps....sorry, but I don't have a picture of Mr. Tarheel sleeping. Plus, I don't like payback and if I took a picture of him sleeping, before you know it, he would play a practical joke on me while I'm sleeping....

Now that you all have had your Jack fix....

Life isn't perfect, even when your dreams come true. I'm challenged with feelings of being overwhelmed and low confidence with this new stage in my life. I tell myself this is normal (I hate this word..., maybe typical is a better one) and as my sister April says, "this too shall pass". Of course, you want to do a great job as a mother but there are so many other things in life that I want to keep doing or feel I must do....I'm a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, and now, I'm going back to work tomorrow, I'll be helping sick babies. I know I'm feeling this way today because I'm wondering how will it be to leave Jack and how will it be to see sick, premature babies.

There were so many hours that turned into days, where I would sit/lie here waiting for the day to pass, so I could add one more day to my pregnancy. I didn't go there often, but sometimes, I would envision how it might be if Jack was born on that day...how much would he weigh, what life support would he need, how long would he need to stay in the hospital? The days did pass and my worries decreased....I felt like I won the lottery when he was born at 37 weeks and healthy.

All the other mothers who are having high risk pregnancies and who know what it means to have a premature baby, must feel these things too. Some aren't so lucky...I think I'm having a variation of survivor's guilt. I'm just grateful and happy! So in the whole scheme of things, I tell myself that it will be OK. Tomorrow will come and I will go to work and do my best. Time will pass quickly because I'll be working and thinking about things that haven't been on my mind in 6 months and of course, I'll be talking about Jack to everyone. Mr. Tarheel will be here with Jack. I wonder if he will be struggling with low confidence? Probably not, he's very easy going and takes things in stride.