Flowers & Dark Rum

Another surprise-less & uneventful appointment yesterday...my platelet count went UP to 148K and all other labs/BP are holding steady. I see Dr. Tracy on Friday at 36 6/7 weeks...only 1 day before my goal date...YIPPEE!

Thanks for all the well wishes/emails/calls/prayers....I wish I could say something funny or catchy to make you chuckle. The fact is....look up the word misery in Mr. Webster and you will see my picture! But, as I have said many times before, this is temporary and soon I will be looking into Jack's eyes!

I did tell Mr. Tarheel that there will be no excuses because on every Mother's Day for the rest of my life, I am to be thanked with flowers! He agreed and then said that he would like to be thanked with a good bottle of dark rum! We laughed together, each imagining and almost understanding, for a moment, what the other person is going through.

Are We There Yet? 36 Weeks!

Good morning all you gestational trackers...I hear your shouts (that's holler, in the south) of joy from the east coast to the west coast because here we are.....Jack has made it to 36 WEEKS! Only 1 more week and he will officially not be a premature baby. So the answer to your question...the same question you asked your parents on the way to Grandma's house..."Are we there yet?"....the answer is no, but almost! I see the end and Mr. Tarheel & I are getting more & more excited....

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Know I Can

Well, the seemingly longest pregnancy in recent history is still progressing...much to my happiness & amazement! Here's a summary of yesterday's appointment:

1. I have a new diagnosis: macrosomia or large for gestational age (LGA). Jack's estimated weight for 35 3/7 weeks is 7 lb 11oz. Wow! The accuracy is within 10-15%, so maybe it's a little lower:) Everything else on the ultrasound is "normal" and they checked again...he's still a boy! So high BP hasn't affected his growth...yippee. Don't worry, I'm not going to start smoking now to lower his birth weight a little!
2. Yes, I'm the puffiest patient around with weight gain to prove it. I'm scratching my head wondering how much can my body take....maintaining homeostasis must come at some price but my skin isn't splitting yet.
3. Platelets are dropping...now at 132K...down from 157k since Friday, but only down from 146K from a week ago. Next appointment/labs are Monday, 11/26 at 36 2/7 weeks. BP doing "OK" with some readings 160's/mid-90's but with rest, comes down to 150's/80's. Dr. Tracy said no more increase on BP med b/c at this point, it won't extend the pregnancy & we'll consider delivery at a platelet count of 100K. So yes, I'll have my suitcase with me on Monday for the appointment...
4. Sleep quality is deteriorating....Mr. Tarheel is now sleeping in the guest room and even Tucker has joined him. But he still wakes up to listen for my snoring and if he doesn't hear it, he comes in to check on me.

Thanks for all the calls, cards, and emails of support...it's very nice and encouraging. I know I can do it but it's so much easier with all the wonderful support!

Stable (Mentally & Physiologically) & 35 Weeks!

Yesterday's appointment with Dr. Tracy went off without a hitch...I have stable labs & we're hanging out at home until the next appointment on Tuesday. Yeee-Heee--35 weeks today! Here's me getting ready for the appointment as described by different aspects of my personality...

"Why are you packing your hospital bag, complete with the cameras?" asked Mr. Tarheel.

"You know to be ready, just in case, he's born today....you know the labs could change enough and get more out of the normal range (abnormal), so Jack has be born...SO PACK YOUR BAG TOO", comments OCD Tarheel as she is packing Jack's bag also....

"Yes, Jack could be making his debut through the uterine sun-roof anytime now...look how far we've come and how wonderful it will be to see him..." says Comedy Tarheel, with a big, happy smile on her face.

"I've pre-programmed all the upcoming UNC basketball games to be recorded, but hopefully, the only one we'll miss is the one against SC State that won't be on TV here." says #1 Fan Tarheel.

"Let's go...everything's going to be fine," says Mr. Tarheel, as I get it together...thanking God for a husband that does more listening than talking.

Tucker Says Hi to In-Utero Jack

Watchful Waiting

Today was a scheduled appointment with Dr. Tracy. I hadn't seen her in 2 weeks and she smiled and said, "We've made it, you're 34 weeks!" Boy, do I know what she's talking about, comparing the worst case scenerio to now. During the NST, I had a strong contraction but luckily, didn't feel a thing. The nurses were surprised. I laughed by myself when I said that I hope I never feel a contraction. There was much hoopla about my fluid retention/swelling/extreme weight gain. I'm passed justifying that I had only eaten ice cream once in the last 2 weeks! My feet were the main attraction...they were noted to be about the puffiest feet that they had seen in a long time. For some reason, this notoriety did not make me feel better.


Dr. Tracy said that everyone who has to come in wearing their slippers, must have a stat PIH panel done. She wanted me (with increased concern) to wait for the results, so I slowly walked over and rested in the NNP call room. It was nice to see some co-workers that I have missed over these last 3 months...I reassured them that I wouldn't deliver today b/c I had my camcorder and my camera with me (thanks, April, for the wonderful advice!). Being prepared wards off evil spirits in neonatal land....


The labs weren't all completely normal anymore (yes, that means some were abnormal or not in the normal range....). The platelets are falling and the uric acid is rising but the creatinine and liver enzymes are still normal. So Dr. Tracy said things like..."I'm concerned there's a change and we need to watch you more closely...". So I go back in on Friday afternoon to repeat the labs and NST. Mr. Tarheel will be able to go with me for this visit. I think I will pack my bag and have it in the car (you know, those pesky evil spirits)....hopefully, I can keep on trucking for a couple more weeks....I have my eyes set on Dec 1st--37 weeks!


I did have a moment of panic...I may only have a short time left to be pregnant. As bad as I feel sometimes....I have come to enjoy my long-awaited pregnancy...well, at least the good parts of it. Mostly, I have loved knowing that I am nurturing Jack and I love feeling his movements. I know many pregnancies progress much more easily than mine has, but this has been mine, all mine to experience and savor.

Important news just in: Jack will listen (through skin, muscle, & yes, some body fat) to his first UNC basketball game vs. Davidson today at 4pm PST...the loudest part will be his mother (aka #1 fan) shouting her commentary & cheers! This is just the beginning of a fierce sports bond between mother and son!

Hooray--34 Weeks Today!

Here's a picture of my feet...I don't think you can fully appreciate it but these are now my puffy painful feet. I had Mr. Tarheel rub them with lotion and while it felt good during the massage, afterwards, it was a painful, burning sensation for hours. I did buy some shoes that fit.........size 9 1/2 and I wore a size 7 1/2 before. Anyone that size need some almost new Merrill's when this is over? Mostly, I wear either nothing or some soft house shoes for comfort....I'm past worrying about fashion.

My cheering team is giving me new motivation to get ready for Jack. It takes forever to do anything when you can only do something for 5 minutes if it involves movement. Sometimes, I even get short of breath talking on the phone, while I'm sitting. I have to monitor myself for how much laughing that I'm doing. I can only laugh about 15% of the time! The crib & bassinet are up and the clothes are about half organized. Wow, a baby needs a lot of supplies! Today, we are going to work on Jack's closet. What that means, is I sit in a chair and tell Mr. Tarheel in excruciating detail where and how to do everything and he does it as long as he can possibly tolerate it. Then he distracts me by offering to cook our dinner. Cooking is his respite because we both know that he can cook far better than I can, so I'm not going to offer any directions, only thanks.

Only 3 weeks to term...for those marathoners out there, is this like the 24th mile of a marathon?

Men's Basketball Pre-season Poll: UNC #1 & Mr. Tarheel at Midnight

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/rankings?poll=1

Not Tarheel Born, but Tarheel Bred

Today, the most wonderful of surprises arrived from the bestest Tarheel friend a Tarheel could ever have. Wrapped in Tarheel paper, was the most thoughtful package of Tarheel love that Mr. Jack, future Tarheel, has received. Some of the contents included the softest, Carolina blue, hand-knitted baby blanket, handmade Tarheel 07 Jack burp clothes, a Tarheel hat, pacifier, & Tarheel pacifier lanyard, a Jack bib, and Jack's first soft infant Tarheel basketball! Tears of joy and sweet memories flooded my heart....Here's a picture of us about 20 years ago!

Some people are destined to be life-long friends, even if they meet because one is the most gregariously loud person who can talk to anyone, even if she doesn't know them (that would be me)! Back in college, when I was waiting in line to be a hospital volunteer & wearing an unforgettable sun-dress, I met my bestest friend Kristi. We would conquer nursing school together in most of the same classes and clinical groups. We had so many fun times together and she kept me out of some trouble, here & there. Despite time and distance, we can pick up where we left off and know we will always have the other's understanding. Wow, she's great!

She knows that Jack won't be Tarheel born, since his mother is the #1 Tarheel fan, he will definitely be Tarheel Bred!

Shower of Love

My baby shower turned out so wonderful and beautiful. My friends Alayne, Debbie, and Karen were the hostesses and had every detail planned out...and waited on me hand & foot....It was extra activity but I took extra labetalol and the highest BP was 160/90. I held it together because I was so busy talking (who, me?) and eating and opening presents and before I had much time to reflect, Mr. Tarheel came to pick me up & it was over. I received SO many beautiful presents, it's hard to believe. So many current & old friends came...thank you! It meant SO much...to have each and every person there and I am so grateful!

Today, it feels a little emotional to think about....how I got to this point & all those that helped me along my way. I, (ME), was the guest of honor, at a baby shower for ME! If I had known the journey, would I have had the perseverance to complete it? Maybe knowing would have made it easier, because it took SO long. Last year about this time, I made my first appointment to begin the process for the cycle. I remember that Mr. Tarheel & I had a conversation (one of thousands) about one of OUR 2 possible outcomes (have a baby or live child-free). I remember thinking & believing in US, whatever the outcome. I saw myself & us living happily with either outcome...it had taken so many years, but I had finally released the burden. Now, I don't think this caused the cycle to work....it's a gamble, a percentage thing. Donor egg IVF will work about 70% of the time presently. It's a roll of the dice....after so many losing rolls, our number came up & here we are. But it's good to know that I would have been OK either way. Don't get me wrong...I'm super excited to go down the path of motherhood, but I know that Mr. Tarheel & I could have been super excited too about the rest of their lives, living child-free.

Now back to the wonderful shower of love....each person there, at some point and/or for years & years had helped me "fight my battle in the trenches". Every person had taken the time (some hours/hours & some days/days), to help me process my journey of trying/loss/infertility. Boy, it lightened my load! I couldn't have done it alone...so to each of you....I thank you not only for the beautiful baby gifts, but even more for all the support over the years...listening, offering insight, redirecting me from my tangent thoughts, distracting me, and now being happy for me...You are the best!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Cautious Optimism

Today was another regular OB visit...another one with Dr. Megan, since Dr. Tracy is on vacation. We started with nurse Stacey and the non-stress test..monitoring the heart rate, looking for reactivity. Jack was passing with flying colors (especially after my apple juice) until nurse Stacey thought his heart rate dropped to the 80's. I thought it was my heart rate but Dr. Megan wanted to make sure, so we kept monitoring for a full hour and it never happened again. Nothing to worry about, they say. Now I can go back to my regular worries of global warming and who will win this weekend's NFL match-ups...

Dr. Megan is a good mix of humor and expertise....she checked out the amount of amniotic fluid and it's a little lower but still normal (in the normal range, but decreasing:). She said...you might make it to term (hopeful optimism).... & I started to laugh. Mr. Tarheel asked me, why are you laughing? I thought, I never in my wildest dreams actually believed that I would make it to term. I mentally prepared for the worst case scenario and it looks like it's not going to happen. I'm starting to feel more & more lucky (cautious optimism). Tomorrow is 33 weeks and this is the week on the outcome statistics that I have been waiting for....100% survival without severe sequela.

It's hard for me to believe that he's almost here. I have so much more to do...I don't have much stamina/energy to do much each day. We have to get the nursery ready...I don't have any diapers! I don't even know what kind to buy....I still have my goal of Dec 1---37 weeks....only 28 days to go.

Sleeping (aka Sawing Logs)

Here's a picture of my pillow wedge that Mr. Tarheel designed to help me with my breathing (aka snoring) at night. He refuses to go sleep in the guest room (aka foolish dedication) and has been known to press on my chin (aka jaw thrust) to see if he can open my airway more. Tucker (aka future big brother) hasn't complained yet!

Big News! UNC #1 and 32 weeks!

Big news...UNC ranked pre-season #1 in Coaches poll and I'm 32 weeks today! This Tarheel gal couldn't be happier....well, let me think about that. I'll be happier, first, when I see my healthy baby Jack and I'll be happier, second, when on March 16, UNC is wins the National Championship! This next year is going to be the happiest year of my life!

Here's some news:
GREENSBORO, N.C. -- The University of North Carolina was the unanimous pick as the favorite to win the Atlantic Coast Conference championship in men's basketball in 2007-08 and Tyler Hansbrough was voted the preseason ACC player of the year.

Men's Hoops No. 1 in Coaches' Poll
The University of North Carolina is ranked No. 1 in the nation in the 2007-08 preseason men's basketball coaches' poll, which was released by USA Today and ESPN Friday morning.

The Votes are In

Thanks to everyone who voted...helping me to guess what gestation Jack will be when he is born. Here are the results:

31-33 weeks: 18%
34-36 weeks: 43%
37-39 weeks: 37%

The funny thing is....about 18% of the time, I think he will come soon (31-33 weeks)...especially after my 32 week dream. Dr. Tracy has said several times that her prediction is the "middle 30's", which would be 34-36 weeks. But I'm banking on December 1st--the day that I turn 37 weeks---so in 36 days! I'm visualizing 37 weeks and a 7lb healthy baby, without any feeding problems:)

Puffy Is as Puffy Does

I know it's wordless Wednesday, but I need words today. On Monday, I was feeling more (& very) puffy...when I weighed myself yesterday morning, I had gained 7 lbs since my appointment on Friday. Now, in my pre-pregnant life, the number would have taken my breath away, but I'm passed that...my mind started racing towards the question, "Is this the beginning of pre-eclampsia?" So, of course, I didn't call Dr. Tracy until my sister, RaRa from SC told me to!

Yes, they were concerned enough to have me come in for a visit. Especially after I mentioned that I was short of breath with very slow walking. Dr. Tracy wasn't there, so I saw Dr. Megan. I liked her plan...check stat PIH (pre-eclampsia) labs, do a non-stress test, and give steroids if either isn't normal. This was my first non-stress test. There are 2 probes attached to your stomach...one to check for uterine contractions and one for the baby's heart rate. To "pass" the test, Jack had to have an acceleration in his heart rate, at least 15 beats above the baseline, lasting for at least 15 seconds. He was moving constantly (after I drank apple juice) and the nurse kept having to chase him with the probe. He cooperated better when I was on my left side. He passed and I had no contractions!

The labs turned out to be normal...yes, still in the normal range, not approaching the edge of the range, and not getting worse. My BP went from 160/90 (after walking in) to 110/60 (after lying down for 30 minutes). Dr. Megan's Plan: stay pregnant and rest more!

But, I say, I'm SO PUFFY! She says, yes, yes, it will probably get worse. I ask, when will I pop? She empathetically laughs. I appreciate the humor, but I don't laugh because I'm serious. One gallon of water weighs about 8 lbs...so my body is retaining lots of water. Hopefully, my heart and kidneys can keep pushing for another 5 weeks...Luckily, I bought a pair of 9 1/2 house shoes to wear b/c all my other shoes are 7 1/2!

Revisiting An Old Dream

Early in my pregnancy, when everything was "normal", including my BP...I had a dream that Jack would be born at 32 weeks. The next day, I went to work and we had five 32 week admissions...2 sets of twins and a singleton. That was weird but hopefully not prophetic. In my dream, I remember that Jack needed CPAP and one of my co-workers was giving me the RDS (respiratory distress syndrome) speech...like I've done so many times before. Mr. Tarheel was there, standing, and I was sitting in a wheelchair. I told him to sit down b/c he was pale. I turned and told my co-worker that I'd like them to intubate Jack and give him the survanta anyway. Then I woke up. In my dream, I wasn't emotional just my usual opinionated self. I see these "older" premies that need CPAP and believe they breath and eat better, faster, with a dose of survanta. Hopefully, this meant nothing....

But, I am concerned b/c I'm getting weaker, more swollen, more short of breath, and my world continues to shrink as I go from the bed to the couch and back again. Good news...my BP is still under 160/100--the magic numbers for possibly going into the hospital for more aggressive treatment. We're holding on...

Getting Closer--31 weeks!

Yesterday was another appointment to have an ultrasound and see Dr. Tracy....during the US, Jack was wiggling all over the place and putting his arms/hands near his head/mouth. The tech captured a great profile picture this time and each time I look at it, I think...Wow, there he is! Now, I still don't believe those mothers who say they didn't know they were pregnant and go to the ER with "abdominal pain" and then give birth to an 8 lb baby. How would you not know something very different is happening to your body with the normal changes of pregnancy? I've used denial, but even denial has it's limitations.

Jack's estimated weight is 4 lbs-6oz (60%), so my BP problems have not affected his growth. Everything is being reported as "normal"...and this time, he was big enough to see his gall bladder and aortic arch. You know me....wanting to check out everything possible! Dr. Tracy was pleased with the report but as I expected, thought my BP is getting too high again. So she increased my labetalol (BP medication). We are trying to achieve a balance because when I'm resting, my BP is normal and more medication could cause the resting BP to go too low. She brought up induction of labor when there's no where else to go with this and my/Jack's health begins to be affected. That's when I began my long request of a primary C-section...it was funny, b/c she cut me off after about 2 sentences, with the response, "OK". She said that I was right, there are less neonatal risks when the dating is correct (like in our case with IVF) and I would have at least a 50% chance to need one anyway with all my risk factors. Of all the things that I have had absolutely no control over during this experience, it felt weird but great to have a sliver of control! This is a load off my mind until I start thinking of the pain of surgery, but he has to come out one way or the other and my first choice is c-section.

So I go in now for weekly non-stress tests and appointments and there's a new push to get ready for him...I've ordered the crib and dresser/changing table and it will arrive next week.

My Sleeping Boys

Now, it's 30 weeks!

Yippee, instead of my lips starting to say TW (for twenty), now they can form TH (for thirty) and this is the phonetic sound that I will be making when I describe when Jack is born.....Yes, it's 30 weeks & 97% survival without severe sequela. That number is so high, we don't have to think anymore about survival with sequela because that's not going to happen!

Sometimes, time passes so slow...like the school clock in Risky Business (email me if you know what I'm talking about), that I sometimes think the clock is tricking me by ticking backwards. Then other times, I look at the pregnancy ticker and think, oh no, I have too much to do to get ready for this boy. There are too many books to read, too many movies to watch, more photo albums to do, birth announcements, Christmas cards, the nursery to set up....on & on. But then this old(er) pregnant body does the talking....telling me to rest after only about 5 minutes of anything unless I'm sitting/reclining. When this is over, my drive to move is going to take over and I'm going to be able to get things done.

But then again, I imagine that I'll be sitting for hours, staring into his face, feeling so thankful for this blessing named Jack.

Teenager Vs. Advanced Maternal Aged Red Angus

Starting today, I'm going to try a new thing...wordless Wednesday. I know, I know, this isn't wordless...but I felt compelled to at least tell you why I'll just be posting a picture and you'll only have the title as text--starting next week. This should be fun & help my creativity:)

Some of you know that I'm a Red Angus owner & certified cow watcher (yes, I'm in charge of nutrition & reproduction...Mr. Tarheel does all the dirty work!). The younger cow in the top is Scout, born in March 6th, weighing 88 lbs and on 9/1, she weighed 639 lbs. So she's officially a teenager and can be bred next summer/fall. The bigger Red Angus above is #38. I know, I should have thought of a name for her....but didn't/haven't. So her tag number is 38. She's 10 years old...already delivered about 7 or 8 calves and is officially advanced maternal age! She has an intermittently limp with arthritis and we are treating her gently to help her gain some weight (see the ribs). She is about 100 days pregnant (270 days is the gestation). She is SO laid back...you can walk behind her & she won't kick! Take Mr. Tarheel's advice and never stand behind a cow! I'll take her example & try to develop a laid back attitude since I'm in the advanced maternal age category also!