Jack & Scout

Here's the beautiful boy! He's wearing his Classic Pooh outfit (the hat, which you can't see, is a Pooh hat, with socks to match)....a gift from Ms. Ernestine...thanks for the wonderful gifts and to all the others...I'm am gratefully amazed!

The stuffed animal is a sentimental one...Chris brought it to the hospital in 1999 when I had my ectopic surgery...it represented Scout, the first big red dog....our first 4 legged son. He's been gone over 3 years now and there's still a lump in my throat when I remember him. So "Scout", the stuffed animal, looks over Jack. Jack likes to touch him!

Eye color...it's still open for discussion...I'm thinking I need to look in a thesaurus to find the name of the color for Jack's eyes. Dark, dark blue with something else...flecks of brown/green, but I wouldn't call it hazel right now....It's OK, we have 16 years before he has to tell the driver's license examiner what to put on his driver's license.

Brothers: Sleeping Together

When Tarheel88 is at work, the boys begin their day together in bed....Mr. Tarheel saw this great opportunity to take a picture of Jack and Tucker sleeping...Tucker is very gentle but we make sure he can't step on Jack.

Isn't a sleeping baby the most beautiful picture in the world?

We had about 6 inches of snow in Enumclaw yesterday....here's our house, looking from the drive way. Yes, don't worry, Mr. Tarheel gave the cows extra food since it would be hard to graze on the frozen grass underneath all the snow.

Yes, there was screaming last night...during the game...Sorry Cougs! There wasn't a bus accident on the way to the game....I'll back up...I told some die hard Coug fans that the only way they could win, is if the Tarheels got into a bus accident on the way to the game. Now, I like the Cougs...except when they are playing my boys! Even being a UW graduate, I don't have a UW coffee mug, but I have a WSU mug...so stay off my back, you rabid fans!! Sorry about the description...that's the pot calling the kettle black, huh? Now, we're on to Elite 8...Only 11 more days until April 7th and the National Championship game!

A Belly like a Bowl Full of Jelly

Jack loves bath time...it's a special time with Mommy....After I dry him off, before he gets dressed...I "blow" a hole in his belly....as you can see...he has a nice big belly to use...He's starting to laugh before, during, and afterwards...My special boy!

Special Aunt Linda

There are Aunts in the world and then there are the very, very, very special Aunts...now Aunt Linda is one of those. She has the kindest heart and loves Jack & Tarheel88 so much...& we love & miss her already. She came for a nice visit and Jack went to his first wedding! I didn't cry until I thought about the future when I'll be at Jack's wedding and I thought that even though the groom's mother is so happy for her son, she must also be heartbroken to lose her baby boy....So he's my baby for now and hopefully, I'll be ready & willing to release him to the next love of his life when he's old enough to fall in love...

You know he won't be old enough until he's 30! By then, I'll be over 70 & rocking in my chair, with the southern breeze blowing through my hair!

Tarheel Jack

Tomorrow's the big day...the first game of the NCAA tournament for UNC...only 6 more games until we're National Champions....Jack wanted to celebrate his excitement for his Tarheels along with Easter...it was only fitting that his Easter basket was a basketball...filled with eggs and chocolate candy that Mommy & Daddy want to eat! Doesn't he look good in his Mom's blue wig? The look on his face is the questioning look of:

Why did you take my binky away from me?

New activities for the week....Jack sucks his fists but he doesn't know they are there ALL the time....

He loves his bath and now even loves getting dried off b/c Mommy always blows holes in his belly...& that's a belly to write home about...he's one healthy boy!

UNC, UNC, UNC, UNC

Good Morning all you Jack & Tarheel fans....the excitement is brewing (& Peet's coffee too).....Mama Tarheel filled in her brackets last night and can you believe what I filled in first....UNC, UNC, UNC, UNC....all the way to the National Championship box. Yes, we have a great chance this year and I'm starting to think about my promise *(or threat)* to run around with my body painted blue after we win. Even Duke fans may be happy with my bracketology....I have Duke winning their first game. Ssssppppp....don't tell them that I have a tradition of always having all ACC teams win their first game!

Last night, in a dining room in Enumclaw, were descendants of Bessie and Frank...all eating & talking & laughing....who would have believed in back in the day...sitting in Dublin, NC (home of roasted peanuts & pickles)....the most special was my wonderful Aunt Linda, who loved on Jack & we'll miss her alot....but her home in Cerro Gordo awaits....

Here's Jack with his Pooh at 3 months and busting out of 3 month sleepers. He's a happy boy!

Jack's a Smiley Boy

There's so much to be happy about....my stomach's full, my pants are dry, and I have already quickly trained my two older parents to meet my every need as quickly as possible. I hardly ever cry for more than a minute before they rush over to help me...this is the life. What other baby has already been to North Carolina and Hawaii before 3 months old?

Another wonderful thing to be happy about...DUKE LOST! Sorry, Coach K, you'll be watching us today in the ACC Championship game beat the Clemson Tigers on TV but maybe you can review your next State Farm commercial...

I love to watch the Tarheels play on my big screen TV and listen to my Mommy, the #1 Tarheel fan, scream for joy when Roy's boys win the game with the last shot. Now, wonder when I can wear the blue wig on my little head...so I will really be in the spirit? Only 22 days until the National Championship!

The Little Girl Meets the Rock Wall

Great Aunt Joan...loving on Jack :)

Once upon a time, the little girl was walking merrily on her way...her baby Jack on her back in the pack, laughing. All was well in her world. Her head was down, looking at the beautiful lavender crocus, poking through the firm spring soil. She didn't look too far ahead, careful to savor every moment of this beautiful spring day. Then low & behold, she ran into an abrupt mountain...giant sharp boulders sticking out of a very tall wall that loomed up above the hovering cumulus clouds. Her first thoughts...now why did this mountainous, rock wall have to enter my world? She tried but couldn't go around it, she knew she couldn't go under it or through it...so she knew she had to go over it. Her first thoughts...how can I become an instantaneous rock climber and keep baby Jack safe? She sat down on a nearby rock to contemplate the future....

3 month Jack

Beautiful Jack @ 3 months old...

Relaxing with Daddy, being held by Grandpa CA...

no other words needed :)

UNC #1

Don't check the stock reports or even the international news...just check espn.com and you will see....UNC is #1! My "boys" or Roy's boys, as I call them are #1 again.....and it's on the eve of the big game...UNC vs Duke in Cameron Indoor...with all the Cameron Crazies...now remember when it was JJ's last home game and it was such a bad, bad disappointment for him...sorry JJ....now, with Ty Lawson back, I do believe we are better than we have been at any point of the season....

I'll be on the "hill"....aka "pill hill" on Saturday at work -but I will do everything possible to get all my work done to see as much of the game live as possible. Of course, I will be recording to analyze every possession on Sunday. So cheers to my team....please, pretty please....win for Tarheel 88. It will make her SO, SO happy!

Perception of My Perspective

Yes, little man isn't so little anymore. He's a big boy, growing really fast on Mama's milk. His eyes aren't so deep blue but a little gray...now have you ever heard of someone's driver's license saying gray eyes? Here's Mom & Dad CA on their last morning with us...and of course, Mr. Tarheel too. We all had such a nice visit...so much more than a "meet & greet"...Grandma CA is right there, taking great care of Jack and offering well thought out, great advice.....THANKS!

Jack misses his Grandma holding him...we're readjusting to life with just him and me....I know it will be OK, but there has been a raw nerve today. I know it's probably me wondering how will I fit in being a good mother and a good NNP or even a great mother and an adequate NNP and of course a wonderful wife, friend, sister, daughter...so many things, so few hours of the day.








GRATITUDE is the next word in my mind. I feel so grateful to be having these problems. Last year, I was on my medications, synchronizing my cycle to the donor's cycle, waiting, hoping for the timing to work out. It didn't, but it turned out OK. Really OK, b/c the donor stimulated well (made lots of eggs) and there were embryos waiting to become our precious child...Jack! Now, he's sleeping in the swing and brother Tucker goes back & forth between me & looking over him. So any little problem or inconvenience that I have now is so very, very small in comparison to the anxiety and anticipation that I was feeling one year ago.

Now let me work on my perception of my perspective...say that 10 times!

I Chose Jack

So, so, sorry to all my readers, lurkers, and fans....no time for blogging over the past week. Yes, I have good intentions to write something note-worthy but then life happens. Here's our big red barn....with us in front. Here's a synopsis of my week:

In-laws--I'll call them Mom & Dad CA (short for California) are here for a visit. Love in action...that's what they are. It's been a special time for Jack and he LOVES his Grandma/Grandpa.

Jack is 3 months old tomorrow! My little baby isn't so little anymore. No chest hair yet though. I thought about how short the time will be...it makes me just a little sad. Now, don't get me wrong....I'd love to have a few of those precious sleep hours back from that LONG pregnancy.... I figured out that there are about 6340 days in 18 years and that each day is about 0.0001578 % of the time. Lucky for me, he will be about 18 1/2 when he goes to college....so I have a few more days than average....So when my choice is to play/hold/kiss Jack or do dishes....I chose Jack (most of the time). If there are no clean forks, I must rarely choose dishes. I'm choosing not to sleep sometimes to get everything done but the good Lord above is helping me through each day.

Jack can have major, massive blow-outs and this is both funny & gross. I can both laugh and gag at the same time...I went with the flow when it was during church, especially since he looks at me with the look of relief while I'm cleaning him up. Thanks to my next door neighbor, Ms. Jo, we have a duck dispensing scented trash bags for our diaper bag!

Jack cried some during the UNC/Boston College game...up until the middle of the 2nd half when Roy's boys pulled ahead for good. I mean it was the UNC/Tyrese Rice game....you know, the 1 man show...and a brilliant one at that....Good job to Mr. 47 points for Boston College! Sorry, but our 5 players against 1, will come out ahead every time. The count down is on...6 days until we go to Durham to plan against Coach State Farm and his Cameron Crazies....my prediction is....we'll win by 12...& we'll be ranked #1 in the country come tomorrow....

Gloating...with Malicious Pleasure

I did survive my first day at work and sped home to see my boy after 27 hours with Mr. Tarheel, aka Daddy. Daddy said it was "easy" and the house didn't blow away in a hurricane. Jack waved his arms and kicked with excitement when he saw me. Then he promptly took a big poop because he secretly knows that I will give him a nice bath because of it. He loves his bath and play time in the tub. We had such fun together....

The babies at worked looked a little smaller than they did before...especially compared to my big boy. It was neat talking about Jack constantly and showing off his picture. My life does revolve around him right now but I had the energy/stamina to direct my attention to the babies who needed me at work. Plus, I had so much adult conversation and didn't really have to hear any loud screaming, like Jack sometimes does at home.

Now on to my 2nd favorite topic...Jack is #1 and I'll give you one guess what is #2................................

I love the Tarheels but who do I hate?

DUKE SUCKS!

And I hate to gloat...(Mr. Webster says this means to think about with malicious pleasure)....but Duke has lost 2 road games in the past week....YIPPEE! Plus, they were to lower ranked teams...Wake Forest & Miami....come Monday, #5 Duke will fall, fall, fall in the rankings and I will be really gloating! The Tarheels play Wake Forest today in Chapel Hill...so I'll be rooting for them big time later today and Jack & I get some much needed rest time. But imagine me falling asleep with a big smile on my face...you know, the smile that means I'm thinking with malicious pleasure....

Sleeping Jack

Jack likes to sleep with his arm over or near his face...which is the exact way Mr. Tarheel sleeps....sorry, but I don't have a picture of Mr. Tarheel sleeping. Plus, I don't like payback and if I took a picture of him sleeping, before you know it, he would play a practical joke on me while I'm sleeping....

Now that you all have had your Jack fix....

Life isn't perfect, even when your dreams come true. I'm challenged with feelings of being overwhelmed and low confidence with this new stage in my life. I tell myself this is normal (I hate this word..., maybe typical is a better one) and as my sister April says, "this too shall pass". Of course, you want to do a great job as a mother but there are so many other things in life that I want to keep doing or feel I must do....I'm a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, and now, I'm going back to work tomorrow, I'll be helping sick babies. I know I'm feeling this way today because I'm wondering how will it be to leave Jack and how will it be to see sick, premature babies.

There were so many hours that turned into days, where I would sit/lie here waiting for the day to pass, so I could add one more day to my pregnancy. I didn't go there often, but sometimes, I would envision how it might be if Jack was born on that day...how much would he weigh, what life support would he need, how long would he need to stay in the hospital? The days did pass and my worries decreased....I felt like I won the lottery when he was born at 37 weeks and healthy.

All the other mothers who are having high risk pregnancies and who know what it means to have a premature baby, must feel these things too. Some aren't so lucky...I think I'm having a variation of survivor's guilt. I'm just grateful and happy! So in the whole scheme of things, I tell myself that it will be OK. Tomorrow will come and I will go to work and do my best. Time will pass quickly because I'll be working and thinking about things that haven't been on my mind in 6 months and of course, I'll be talking about Jack to everyone. Mr. Tarheel will be here with Jack. I wonder if he will be struggling with low confidence? Probably not, he's very easy going and takes things in stride.

Jack & Daddy

At the 2 month appointment to see Dr. Brian, we received the usual handout of developmental milestones for the 2-3 month old infant. One of them described the baby prefers the mother's face/voice. Mr. Tarheel (aka Daddy) and I looked at each other and knew we were thinking the same thing. You know you've been married aWHILE when you can look at your spouse and not only are you thinking the exact same thing, but you know by just looking into each other's eyes that you are thinking the exact same thing. Okay, so that explains the communication part.

NOW, what were you thinking, you ask?

Drum roll............Jack doesn't prefer one of us over the other...really, at least not at this point. Daddy Tarheel has been taking care of him almost as much as I have and there is an ebb and flow to this that is benefiting everyone. I'm not disappointed, even secretly. Wow, what a wonderful generation to be in...our Dads weren't able to take care of us about half of the time. Both of us had stay at home Moms and both our Dads were busy working/going to school/war and culturally were not encouraged to have that caregiving role. Now, we turned out good but I think it's better for the father to be able to be there in the thick and thin of taking care of the baby.

There is one thing that Jack prefers from me...my LOUD voice. All of you who know me, know that I am "genetically loud"...I say that because I have tried over & over, so many times to talk softly. I've even been asked why am I always so LOUD? I get so excited to talk or maybe it's what I'm going to say has to get out of my mouth quickly...that it comes out LOUD. Jack does prefer this....except of course, when he's sleeping.

Then, he prefers his quiet Daddy.

Baby Equipment

Some random thoughts about baby equipment...yes, you think you need a lot of it and in some ways you do...b/c it makes your life so much easier. Now, aren't we into easy! When we were planning to go to Hawaii, I had to plan exactly how much stuff to take...overall, I only took a small number of the bare essentials and since I had time to do laundry every day, it all worked out well.

Here is a picture of Jack in his *Pea Pod*...a portable bed, even coming with an inflatable air mattress. It worked great on the beach b/c we could keep him out of the sun and still have easy access with the side zippers. I might sound like a sales rep, but I don't even have stock in this company. If I have a baby equipment question, I make a bee line or email to my friend Heather Cruz, because she is the expert in this department. Her son Alec is already 2 now and she travels quite a bit and recommended this bed.

Guess where he slept though...between us! We thought we would need to go through some Ranger school crib training when we arrived back home, but he went right back to his crib, without a hitch.

Jack & the Cat

While we were waiting to go on our coffee tour, the tame farm cat jumped up on the bench where Jack & I were sitting...wanting a pet. So I helped Jack pet his first cat! He's looking down in the pictures, but he thought it was pretty cool...

Notice the fat rolls on his legs...

He liked warmth, but he did not like to get too hot. This brings me to some of the rare sad thoughts I have. He won't be Southern or Californian like his parents. One day, someone will ask him why his Mom talks "funny" and he will answer, "because she's from North Carolina." He won't say that he's from NC, b/c he isn't. But I'm going to choose to think positive here and imagine that he'll be describing only the best attributes about the Pacific Northwest like I do about the south.

Onto another thought...I go back to work in one week. Most of you know, but I help sick babies. I've been around babies at work since 1991 and it's my life's calling. But I am different now. I was always very empathetic (& sympathetic, when needed) and loved supporting the families and doing my very best to help each baby. Now, I will know the feelings of being a mother and this will make me even better. I will also know some of the stresses of having a high risk pregnancy and what that does to you. We were lucky...Jack was full-term. Some aren't so lucky.

I'm thinking it will also make me more emotional, but I will deal with that as it happens. I can't wait to be better than I was before...b/c even in each small way, each kindness, each touch, each interaction...I can help someone who is dealing with their difficult situation...I will be this way because of Jack.

Jack & the Hibiscus

Here's Hibiscus Hawaiian Jack...it was such a beautiful flower, but I wanted to capture the size of the flower...look...it's as big as his head! The flowers and plants in Hawaii are so lush and beautiful...of course, most of them, I can't identify. Mr. Tarheel knew the name of this one...he's pretty smart about most things.

Yesterday was a first...there are so many, but this one was big for me. I left, yes, LEFT, Jack with a babysitter. Julia is her name and she is so good with Jack...I had her come over to our house before and get to know Jack and she was great with him. I had about 10 errands to do...in about 10 different stores. As big as Jack is, it's difficult & time-consuming getting him in and out of the car that many times (this is only the beginning of my justification, which comes before guilt). When I dropped him off, Heidi, Julia's Mom, immediately put me at ease. I knew he would be in good hands.

I didn't relax..I drove fast & furious to each place, ran in (no browsing), did my errand, and ran out. I looked at my watch every few minutes. I wondered what Jack was doing. I counted down the minutes since I had last seen him. I constantly checked my phone to make sure they hadn't called. When I arrived back to pick him up, after less than 4 hours, he was dozing and was content and happy. Heidi & Julia tell me how great it was to hold him & take care of him. Then I relax, pick him up, and he looks over at me with bright eyes. I see that I have not damaged my child...he doesn't have to be with me 24/7 to be well cared for and happy. More guilt...I want me to be the only person he wants....but I know that isn't healthy for either of us.

We're learning...

Pacific Jack

What a lucky boy, he is...jet setting from coast to coast before 3 months old...here's Jack in sunny Hawaii with his cool sun hat. Isn't he the cutest thing? He has the fatest, most kissable cheeks!

Now, how am I going to get to a point where I'm going to let my precious son go on a date with a girl? Instead of the Dad cleaning the gun when the date comes over, I'll be the Mom who is cleaning her rolling pin or her frying pan...I have years to get used to this idea....

Mr. Tarheel says that he's a Mama's boy, but I know the real deal...he has Mr. Tarheel wrapped around his little finger. Mr. Tarheel has the world's most P & P...that's our acronym for patience and persistence...that Daddy has a supreme amount of it..lots more than I do. I'm working on it!

Tarheel Crazy

Yes, I'm trying to slow my breathing down to normal and drink lots of water to rehydrate after an afternoon of hollering for my Tarheels...We beat the Clemson Tigers in double overtime after being behind most of the game until the very end! Jack liked the activity until it was time for his nap and then off to the crib he went. Who can sleep through the #1 Tarheel fan screaming her commentary to Roy and her boys? But Jack did have Tarheel spirit dressed in his fleece Tarheel shirt and looking so, so cute...



Now that I mention it...Jack hasn't been able to see an entire Tarheel game due to his need to sleep...so we'll have to work up to him enjoying the entire game in one sitting. Don't worry...each game is protected on the DVR for many future viewings and we especially like to re-watch them during our usual 3am feeding. See, I told you, I am the #1 fan if I'm re-watching games during the middle of the night. But have you even seen the viewing selection at 3am? I'm sorry, but I can't watch professional bowling or infomercials.

More about Jack next time...he's calling me...