Ways to Pass Time

I'll bet some of you are wondering what am I doing with all this free time. I do wish that I had one of these lazy days in the middle of my former hectic life instead of under these circumstances....but here is a list of some of the highlights of my days:

1. I'm cooking Quaker oats almost every morning for breakfast and eating it with fresh sliced peaches. The cooking is one new thing..before, when I ate instant oatmeal, I was always busy doing something while I ate. Now, I'm enjoying the taste of real oats and I've learned how to recognize a ripe peach by the feel/smell of it.
2. Since we're talking about cooking...using Mr. Tarheel's mother's cookbook, I made homemade baked macaroni and cheese. Suffice it to say, my cooking needs more work and the dish needs salt in it. I get an A for effort.
3. I'm reading 2 books at once...now you may ask, Why? They are Charles Dickens' Bleak House and Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential. Both excellent but very different books and going back & forth during the day helps keep me reading, thus, passing more time.
4. Crocheting Jack's Baby Blanket...now any of you who have seen my crocheting will be impressed that I actually have straight rows that are the same length...I've come a long way. Mr. Tarheel picked out the yarn & it's a nice dark red.
5. Cow watching: Big Red, the bull came over for his yearly visit. Previously, I felt like the bull was in control, but now that I can recognize the nuances of bovine mating behavior, I know that the lady cows are 100% in control! Winston, our steer, developed a limp and wheezing...when the vet came over, he diagnosed hoof rot and pneumonia. Winston had to be sedated for his treatment and as a sitting by-stander, I'm glad that I work in a more controlled, clean environment!
6. Sleeping: Both high BP and labetalol make me sleepy, so at least one nap is necessary every day. I needed a morning and an afternoon nap until I slowly trained myself not to wake up at 0500 anymore. I've never been a late sleeper, but I've actually slept until 0800 a few times!
7. Watching TV & movies: Now, I'm interested in the weather, watching the weather, talking about the weather, and realizing that the forecast is their educated guess and I need to get a life if I'm telling people how the forecast was wrong for over half of last week. Watching the Mariners is difficult when they're losing...but I still turn it back during the commercials of whatever I move on to watch. I have UNC basketball games recorded from last season and I watch my Heels sometimes...only a little over 2 months until the new season starts! A new favorite show is Ninja Warrior...a Japanese obstacle course show with sub-titles.
8. Talking & emailing to lots of family & friends who are helping me pass this time...growing Jack!

One Hurdle Jumped: 24 weeks today

Today is 24 weeks...I don't exhale, relax, or think...yes, we've made it! But it is a milestone that I'm grateful to reach, at home. For all of you in neonatal land, you know what I'm talking about. For the others...until today, there was a 0% chance for Jack to be born & survive. Now this is a chance, albeit a small one, that if he was born, he could survive with maximum intervention. This "maximum intervention" is part of my job and I am intimately aware of the journey. Intimately aware, but not emotionally aware, because I have never stood by the bed of my own precious premature baby, feeling what I have observed so many times. When it's your job, you can & must compartmentalize it, so you can go back day after day, year after year and help where it is in your realm to help. When my mind goes there, terror seizes my heart and I leave that place as quickly as I can, talking to Jack & telling him that I will do everything in my power for him to be born in December, full-term!

Don't get me wrong, it's not easy to sit here, waiting. Yes, I fill the hours with semi-productive activities, especially sleep. I don't dwell too much on the future, just today. Mr. Tarheel is a big help, spending all his non-work, non-sleeping hours creating little mental diversions to distract me. He has told me the history of the Spartan/Persian war with a side discussion of using terrain to your advantage in battle. Then we watched the movie 300 and I actually liked it. We sit and watch the cows each day and here he told me the history of the development of the black and red Angus breeds in England and I had no idea he knew all this. We talk about where we want to travel and where will be the best places to take Jack at different ages. We agree that a toddler shouldn't and won't go on an 18 hour plane trip! We discuss parenting and I'm in awe of his introspection about what it takes to be a good parent. We wait together....for Jack.

A Tribute To Aunt Kat

Mary Kathleen Weishaar: 10/5/1932-8/20/2007...my beloved "Aunt Kat" died last Monday. She was actually my great-Aunt, my Grandmother's sister, who had moved so far from home over 40 years before and we ended up living in the same place. Although she suffered from the complications and pain from rheumatoid arthritis, she was a wonderful example of how to age with dignity and grace. She so rarely complained, that occasionally, I would force her by telling her that she had to for at least 1 minute...she never could complain for the entire minute. Except for the very end, her mind was sharp and she was kind and tolerate to those around her with dementia. Once we were discussing how some people suffer only in the mind and some, like her, suffer only physically. She had a profound response, "It's best if your body and mind wear out at the same time."
She loved the Seattle Mariners and she transferred that love over to me. We were known to talk on the phone through half the game, sharing commentary and opinions about the players, managers, and opposite team. She loved it when they beat the Yankees, especially if there was a "fight" during the game. Now I feel an emptiness during the games because I can't call to ask her opinion about the manager getting thrown out or why we get to the edge of winning and then lose 3 games to the Angels.

She was my little piece of North Carolina in this place over 3000 miles away. When you grow up in a place, even separated by 30 years, there is a comfort in "knowing" it and the history of all of the extended family without explanation. For years, she would prepare "home cooking" like fried chicken and okra for me and she was excited when I found a vendor at Pike Market that sold fried chicken livers--her favorite. Her speciality for years was making dish cloths out of a certain type of blanket that she would find at second hand stores and giving them away. She loved helping those she loved and found joy in their smile. She was a giver, in the true sense of the word.

Now, she's physically gone but I'm a better person to have known and loved her and I am so lucky to have been loved by her. Rest in peace, Aunt Kat.....

23 weeks Today!

Yesterday was the scheduled US and appointment with Dr. Tracy. Like last time, it was great to see Jack and they checked, he's still a boy! Interval growth was normal and estimated weight was 641 grams (1 lb, 6 oz)! He turns/moves alot and likes his hands by his face. He rests his right arm/hand on his forehead, like he's irritated at all the commotion. Mr. Tarheel went with me to the appt for the first time...I introduced him as my better half (isn't that the truth!). He recognized Dr. Tracy's skill/compassion and was impressed that she asked him for questions and answered them. He asked her to tell me not to research my condition on the internet anymore...she put her hand on my arm and said, "Stop!". He's really concerned about my persistent, moderately severe left foot/calf swelling (the right one is normal), so I'm going to get a doppler study next week to check the circulation. I don't think I have a blood clot b/c it's not red or painful and has been swollen since 11 weeks. Maybe I have a case of "bad vein valves"...that is so low on my list of concerns right now, but it's good he's watching out for me!

After just walking in to the office my BP was 150/82, meaning that's a little too much activity. My morning labetalol was doubled to 100mg twice a day and I was hoping for a normal BP. She reviewed all my BP readings and said the higher dose will help lower them. They range from 126-150's/70-84. Now I'll take my BP twice a day after rest and twice a day after activity...& call her if they reach 160/100. I asked about threshold for more aggressive (IV) treatment...she said at 160-180/110, you have to go into the hospital. Does anyone want to help me design my own home flowsheet for my BP?

Thinking back over the discussion, she presented a good combination of realism and optimism. She said we don't need to give you the betamethasone "yet"...Mr. Tarheel said, "What's that for?" and she said to accelerate the lung development. She went on to say that many times pre-eclampsia develops rapidly and you need it yesterday in these cases...meaning sometimes, you can't wait 48 hours to deliver after presentation. I asked her what chance she thought I had to develop pre-eclampisa...she said, "50%, but probably after 35 weeks"....I like this educated guess! She mentioned again that complete bedrest may be in my future.

So now the plan is to come back on 9/6, repeat PIH labs, do the glucola (checking for gestational diabetes) and check for some auto-immune issues that could be the needle in the haystack causing all this. So, I'm sitting around here on the farm, watching Mr. Tarheel do all the work except my job of growing Jack!

YIPPEE...UNC Basketball Schedule is Out!

Yes, all you Tarheel fans, or friends/family of the #1 Tarheel fan...aka...me. Today was the day & they made me wait a full 10 days later than last year (what's up with that Roy?).....the schedule is OUT! There are 2 games west of the Mississippi, but in late November, Tarheel88 will not be more than a lights and sirens drive from Swedish Medical Center at 36 weeks pregnant...poor Jack will be wondering what in the world is happening outside of his nice womb to make his Mom yell so loud! He'll be so happy to know he was born before the conference games begin...b/c that is on Jan 6 and he must head out before then! Yes, Tarheel88 is a crazy, screaming, lunatic during the games...what do you expect from the #1 fan!

I see my UNC beat Duke night will be on Feb 6...so watch out....the Cameron crazies will be doing what they were doing last year during the NCAA tournament...watching UNC win on TV! Coach K might better line up his next career with American Express....

So I'm off to memorize the schedule....with a smile on my face:)
Check out the website for the schedule:
http://tarheelblue.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/unc-m-baskbl-body.html

The Ups/Downs of Blood Pressure

After a few days on the Labetalol, I'm an expert on the drug. First of all, I can spell it correctly now and I know intimately the ebbs/flows of it's effects and side effects. The half life is 6-8 hours...I'm thinking the shorter time due to my increased volume of distribution (don't let your mind wonder...the increased blood volume of all pregnant women!). After about an hour of taking it, I feel wonderful for about 5-6 hours, except the side effect of drowsiness. This is an extreme drowsiness like working night shift and to stay awake, you have to force your eyes to stay open. Of course, I'm sitting around all the time, so I just take a nap. I fall asleep within seconds....no more insomnia! I take it about every 12 hours, so my feeling good time at night is while I'm sleeping. There is a relatively unknown side effect of beta blockers that I'm having...decreased anxiety! Wow, a side effect that I like, that is actually helping me! My BP is related to activity...when I'm active, it's too high...so I sit around most of the time. Reading, watching the Mariner's win, looking for the end of the internet, and of course, talking (on the phone) are my favorite activities this week.

Time keeps ticking, ticking, ticking..into the future.....

Counting Time: 22 weeks

There are so many different ways to count time...we celebrate years on our birthdays, months until the next season or vacation, days until Friday, hours until the alarm goes off, minutes during sports events, and seconds during pain. Today, I'm 22 weeks and I'm counting the weeks until Jack has the possibility of being a healthy baby. Of course, I still pray for a healthy term baby, but my compromise would be just a healthy pre-term baby. Yesterday was another doc visit, this time with Dr. Tracy. As always, she was the picture of reassurance and calmness. She reviewed my BP readings--about 4 a day anywhere from 130-164/70-86 and said, yes, you have gestational hypertension, let's start you on labetolol. I like ACTION! This will lower my BP and so far has made me very drowsy. That's OK, I have plenty of time for naps.

She wants to be conservative and have me not work until this is resolved. She reiterated that my chances for pre-eclampsia are higher now but with the next breath said, "but you don't have it now. We are at the beginning of our treatment ability for this, so just go home and rest. " I told her that I had done some research of my own and she said for me to remember that I don't have the context to put it in, so don't get my tail feathers ruffled. Next visit will be in 1 week on 8/24 and we'll have an ultrasound to check Jack's growth before the visit since high BP can decrease growth in the baby.

Mr. Tarheel is just learning about all this and is processing it pretty fast. Tucker likes to have me around all the time. I went on the library website and requested lots of books and movies from Netflix. I'm going to pick up some yarn and start on a baby blanket for Jack. That's a great activity during the Mariner's games. Luckily for me, they are playing 44 out of the next 45 days. I'll try to read the recommended Bleak House by Charles Dickens. I'm sure I'll not have time for any Dickens in the next few years!

My First "Abby-Normal"--Gestational Hypertension

Here is Mr. Tarheel & my niece Grace...my sister April came for a visit with 11 month old Grace. What a wonderful visit! This was just after 5am at the airport...thus the tired faces!

I had a regular prenatal visit with Dr. Tracy and my BP was up a little...138/84, up from 110/60. She wanted me to keep taking it myself and let her know if it ever got to 140/90 and come back in 2 weeks instead of 4. So on Monday, I was at work and not feeling very good. It's a feeling of not being quite right, tired, slight headache. I took my BP myself and it was about 144/90, so I called the office. I drank about 40 oz of water in 3 hours b/c I felt a little dehydrated. When I went over to the appt with Dr. Pray, it was 166/90. It came down a little with more rest. She said your long shifts are over and you must rest until this resolves. I had PIH labs done stat and they were normal. I'm going back to see Dr. Tracy on Friday & do a 24 hour urine collection for protein (don't ask!). So since I didn't have hypertension before pregnancy, my diagnosis is gestational hypertension.

So with lots of rest--2 or 3 naps a day and sleeping 8-9 hours at night, my BP is between 130-150/74-84...so rest is helping. It's frustrating for a control gal like me to not have any control over my own body..but sometimes I am just lying on the couch and my pulse is bounding enough for me to count my heart rate in my head. Weird..huh. Of course, sometimes I can let myself go down the dark road of worry, but I would say that overall, I'm positive & upbeat b/c it's not getting worse right now. My risk of pre-eclampsia is higher now, up to 25%, but I keep telling myself that there's a 75% chance of it not occurring. Jack is moving more and sometimes there are lumps or body parts that I can feel on the outside--interesting! I talk to him and tell him to hold on, grow big & fast, and if needed, I'll hang upside down for him to stay in there as long as possible!

Side note...the 2007-2008 UNC Basketball roster is out....usually, there is a time when I am learning everyone's statistics, position, hometown, etc but alas, we only have 1 new player. He is Will Graves, a red-shirt freshman and now the heaviest player on our team...he must be built like a brick wall...6-6 and 245 lbs! They update this roster and it's even been known for a player to lose an inch of height (how is that?) but I'll bet by Jan/Feb, Mr. Graves will slim down a little after he does all the running that Roy demands! I'm still waiting (impatiently) for the schedule to be released...it should be anytime.

The Apple Has a Stem

August 1st came & went and we had our anatomy screen of the baby. Beginning several days before, I started feeling more and more both excited and nervous. I knew if an anomaly was identified, I would have a new set of concerns...but I keep telling myself that it is a 98% chance for everything being healthy. I prayed alot and was unusually calm (some denial mixed in too). I told Karen, our ultrasound technician, that I took care of sick babies....she responded with "I know your type" and then smiled. She was great to tell us what she was looking for and then a "normal" afterwards. The baby was moving around alot and kicking, with hands by the mouth...it was great to see. Mr. Tarheel smiled really big. All measurements/growth/everything was reported as "normal". I'll see the written report when I go see Tracy on Wednesday. As she was scanning down the abdomen, Karen asked, "would you like to know the gender?". We said yes, together. The image was perfectly clear...a boy! We're so happy & can start calling him by his name....Jack Christopher!

19 weeks, 21 to go!

For all of you concerned people out there, here are my feet, elevated above my heart...Yes, my swelling continues, only mild in the right foot and moderate in the left. I wear RaRa's compression stockings when I'm working about 12-14 hours until pain sets in...it helps. This picture was after a day off, so working doesn't make it worse.

This week, I've been feeling little light touches inside...no distinctive thumps but it's getting stronger. It's easiest to feel when I'm sitting straight up, after eating. But a few days ago, I felt it while standing, before lunch. When I feel it, I have a reassuring thought...you're alive in there, I tell the baby.

My background anxiety continues...I think of the next milestone...the big anatomy scan on 8/1, Wednesday @ 4:30pm...we hope to find out the sex, if the baby cooperates! Neither Mr. Tarheel nor I have had any dreams about what sex it is, so we'll be surprised. I've been working alot and this is the root of most of my anxiety...I work with sick babies. Like the car commercial, I go from calm to terror in 2.3 seconds when dealing with extreme prematurity, or genetic defects, and this week, we've had 2 deaths...which are rare. So I focus on doing what I can for the babies/families, I keep breathing in/out, and putting one foot in front of the other. I know my chance of having a healthy term baby is 98%. One thing is for sure, pregnancy is a temporary condition!

1:20,000

Today I got the integrated screen results and it wasn't just another "normal" it was "way better than normal", the equivalent of A++. The risks of a chromosomal abnormality is 1:20,000, which equals a 0.00005% chance. I'll sleep good tonight! Maybe I should buy a lotto ticket today too.

I took a belly picture...since I had to take it myself, I left my head out. Imagine my face with a big smile on it! This is me at 17 weeks pregnant...

For the last few days, I have gotten an organization bug. I've started cleaning out drawers, boxes, and throwing old junk away. I feel productive! I have to consolidate 2 closets into 1, so I'm cleaning out the one in the future nursery first. I'm a little supersticious, so we won't be officially calling it the nursery until September, the edge of viability. But dreams are forming for future crib purchases, themes, etc. Any ideas?

Don't worry, I still take my daily afternoon nap after lunch...resting up for my long work weekend of Friday & Sunday...both 25 hour shifts. Saturday will be an official sleep day!

A Healthy Dose of Denial

Coping with pregnancy is a new experience. I'm an old hat at coping with infertility...I'm an expert at waiting to become pregnant but actually being pregnant is so completely different. My #1 coping strategy so far has been denial. Now, I remember believing that denial was never good or appropriate. Over the years, I've learned that denial can be OK unless it keeps you from doing what you need to be doing. My denial is highest in the mornings because unless I see that side view of myself in the mirror, I feel like a heavier version of my non-pregnant self. Something or someone will break my denial bubble by bringing up something like "Congratulations, how far along are you?" or go to give me hug. I do a double take sometimes and think, wow, they are happy for Me. Then the old alibi of fear steps in, telling me "oh yes, you are pregnant now, but you don't know if you'll have a premature baby or a healthy one or tease me with negative thoughts of being an old 41 year old mother...". At this moment, I decide to take one day at a time and use more denial (I have a limitless amount) and after a little prayer, go on about my daily business!

Denial aside, I've updated the look of the blog and put a pregnancy ticker at the top. This was a big step for me and just a small way to decrease the denial and say, yes, you are 17 weeks pregnant today! When I saw the 161 days left, I threw some denial back on because that seems like such a long time from now!

Ice cream, snoring, & other random thoughts

Summer madness is here, the wonderful, beautiful Pacific Northwest summer. Amnesia ensues for everyone here, no thoughts about rain or gray days....just the beautiful, daily view of our Mt. Rainer. I'm feeling lucky because I have air conditioning and that means that I can sleep cool and only wake myself up from snoring. When your snoring wakes you up, you realize that you've heard a sound, but you're not sure at first what...is it someone trying to come in? Despite clear and open nasal passages all day, my nose is stuffy at night and poor Mr. Tarheel doesn't complain too much. He wakes me up sometimes with various descriptions of the sounds that I'm making and it's quite sweet except he thinks I having decreased oxygen or hypoxia...but I don't think so...what do you think? I told him that if he was so very worried that he could record my snoring and come with me to my next appointment and play it for Tracy to see if she thinks I should get a sleep apnea test....so we'll see.

I've developed a liking to a new favorite St*rb*cks drink...an orange creamsicle. You must try it, it's a frappacino and the best treat in the world. I have decided not to look up the nutritional information because I don't need any more guilt in my life.

Speaking of ice cream, I had ice cream for dinner tonight...mint chocolate chip..my favorite. I compromised with the slow, churned brand, 1/2 the fat. Mr. Tarheel was questioning the nutrition of such a dinner ...I read this week that one reason why your children like food that you like & eat is because the amniotic fluid is slightly flavored by the mother's diet. So I told Mr. Tarheel that the baby will like all foods hot & spicy (it must burn) and mint chocolate chip flavor! He shook his head...it must be hard to keep trying to understand a wild & crazy 40 year old pregnant woman.

More random thoughts....being 40 & pregnant...wow, never in my wildest dreams. I remember looking up what age I would be for the new millennium & feeling sad that I would be so old, in my 30's. It's a good thing that as you age, your concept of age changes. I do believe that if I was 30, this pregnancy wouldn't be as stressful on my body...but here I am. I feel good right now, just a little more tired than normal. Maybe that has something to do with my snoring...

Now, a note to the real Tarheel fans....only 4 months to basketball season. I hear your screaming already! I'm waiting and checking weekly for the release of the 07-08 roster/schedule. It usually comes out in August. Congrats to Brandan Wright...#8 overall in the NBA draft! Check out his story: http://tarheelblue.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/spec-rel/062807aab.html

That will be one lucky baby...to be able to start watching the Tarheels right after birth!

16 weeks, 3 days

The last week has passed mostly uneventfully. After work on Thursday, I'll be having the quad screen drawn and will find out the results early the next week. Only 3 weeks left until the anatomy screen and hopefully finding out the sex of the baby. That is so far down on my list, but it will be good to be able to say "he" or "she" instead of "the baby" or "it" to reference the baby. As time gets closer, I'm sure I'll have a crescendo of anxiety. I've seen the list put out by genetics to discuss various anomalies and pray that I won't be on any such list. I'm also not naive about getting all these "normal" reports and then after the fact, there is something wrong. When I do my own newborn exam on the baby, I'll have some reassurance then and only then. Now, I wait & trust!

I tried to take a picture of myself to show how pregnant I look. I kept deleting them b/c I actually hated how I looked. I have gained weight all over, not just in the stomach area. So unless you remember my pre- pregnancy body, it just looks like I've gained weight. But I know I have amnesty right now and actually don't worry too much about it. My stomach is firm and round and it is slowly getting bigger. It will be interesting as this unfolds. I'll write more again soon:)

I'm Normal

Today is Mr. Tarheel & my 13 year anniversary...where have all the years gone? It just seems like yesterday, we were young, footloose, & fancy-free. Yes, we were dumb & naive too & dirt poor, but I'm chosing to remember the great memories! Here's to many more years of wedded bliss!

My prenatal visit this week was another "normal". There I was, sitting in the office, waiting to go back, feeling like an imposter. There were "pregnant" women sitting all around me. Very pregnant women. They were smiling, & chatting, & reading magazines. I don't feel like a real pregnant woman yet. I get anxious as I'm driving to my appointment. I write down my questions, & review them in the waiting room. These aren't your normal questions, like how is everything going. These are questions like, when can we make sure the aorta is coming off the left ventricle and how common is a choriod plexus cyst. I'm trying not to have a OCD pregnancy, even though I fight a gravitational pull toward it. I've even missed a few days of my prenatal vitamin...

It goes like this...you check your urine for glucose/protein. I did mine twice, just to make sure. I weigh myself and they trust you to tell them, the truth. I gained 4 pounds in 5 weeks. Wow! The assistant takes you into the room..super nice girl named Eva. She takes your blood pressure...again, I'm looking at the dial and wondering how can she be so sure when she's letting the air out that fast? Tracy comes in...she's chatty & smiling. She answers all my questions, reassurringly. She gets the doppler and puts in down very low and the wonderful sound of a heart rate of 160 is pounding away. I think to myself, the baby is still alive! I write down her instructions on how to schedule my ultrasound...at 19 instead of 18 weeks so we can see that pesky pulmonary artery/aorta that I'm so insistent to see. She tells me, if they can't see it, we'll do another ultrasound later in pregnancy. I add, can they see the diaphragm then too? She says, Yes! I start breathing deeper. Next week is the quad screen...the second part of my integrated screen. I should hear by the following Monday/Tues. Ok, I say, I write these things down too. Then a break in the conversation happens and I say, I'm anxious about all this. She smiles and says, of course, everyone who works with sick babies has anxiety, you're NORMAL. I'm normal, I think? Ok, I repeat to myself as I leave, I'm normal!

14 weeks 5 days :)

A month has passed and I am still pregnant....I say that over & over to convince myself. Denial is a strong coping mechanism! The nausea is gone now and I feel like I recovered from a bout of the flu that lasted 6 weeks. My nuchal thickness was normal (another normal...it's beginning to sound more familiar) and I had all my pregnancy lab work drawn. I tried to convince them that I did not need my blood type drawn b/c the donor is A+, but they insisted...it doesn't matter what my blood type is, duh! My feet are beginning to swell, left greater than right but my BP is still good. Next doctor's appt is Monday, July 2...Mr. Tarheel is planning to go so he can meet Tracy. I had a nice visit back home to NC and loved seeing everyone. My next visit will be when I'm on maternity leave and I'll be taking the baby! Next milestone is the anatomy ultrasound during the week of July 23 @ 18 weeks.

Bye Bye Needles

The shots are over! Yip, Yip, Hoorah! After 85 days of needles with the last 51 being in the muscle (a literal pain in the a--), the shots are over. The sticky estrogen patches are off now too! My progesterone level today was 24.4--another Normal! What a relief...I went in for my first OB visit with Tracy this week...what a calm doctor she is. That's a whole post in itself, but I'll be having the integrated screen, which will be another ultrasound on 6/4 for nuchal thickness and a blood draw. They use this information, along with the quad screen later to determine risks for trisomy 21 & 18. With a 27 year old egg, the theoretical risk of trisomy 21 is 1: 1,150.

10 weeks today:)

Another Normal Report

It's been awhile...the Alaskan cruise was wonderful and I mostly enjoyed sleeping whenever I was tired. On Monday, we had another ultrasound at 9w2d and the 12 hours before were nail biters. I had spotting the night before, so I had lots of sleepless black thoughts going through my mind. Dr. Lin, came in & I told him, and he had a classic flat affect before the ultrasound. The first image was the heart beating---175 beats/min. The growth was normal and he said congratulations, aren't you excited? I guess I didn't look excited but did feel a ton of relief. Then I had that pesky thought that I have regularly as an infertile in a fertile world...you just don't get it! So I said, "When I see a live baby come out of me, I'll be excited." Silence. Mr. Tarheel broke the silence by asking about the chance of miscarriage...now 5% since normal growth is established. I know this is a step in the right direction, so of course I'm excited. But when your heart has been run over several times by an 18 wheeler, you just don't play chicken on the freeway!

70 Shots So Far

It's been a busy work week and prep for vacation next week. Mr. Tarheel, his parents, & some other family will be joining me on my first Alaskan cruise! I'm looking forward to no pager, no errands, no mowing, just beautiful scenery, good food, and to sleep whenever I want to. Yesterday at work, I was so tired after lunch that I said that I would rather get a beating than stay awake...now that shows a real Southerner talking! I stayed awake and like always, did my best, came home and went straight to bed.

My hips are getting pretty sore from the shots...Mr. Tarheel is counting them down with me...mainly b/c he has to wake up each morning in the middle of his sleep to give them to me. He doesn't mind, he says, but I would be a little irritated if I had to wake up in the middle of my sleep to give him a shot every day. We have 16 more to go....70 so far....

The next ultrasound in May 21, the day after our cruise ends....I'm 7w 5 d now & I'll be 9w 2d then. Fingers are crossed and prayers are constant to hear "normal" again...I won't write again until after the ultrasound b/c I won't be paying to use an internet on vacation:) I'm sure you understand...

Surprise of the night....Mr. Tarheel's parents arrive this afternoon and we haven't told them anything yet but we'll be telling them today....they will be VERY surprised!

A Beating Heart

Yesterday was our first ultrasound, at 6w5d. I counted down the 10 days from the last level. Mr. Tarheel & I jokingly told each other that we will be pregnant at least until Thursday. Dr. Thyer came in & we hadn't met her before. She said she was concerned about what we would find after reviewing my levels. On the inside, I was thinking, yeah, right, so am I...get on with it. The first image was the yolk sac, shaped interestingly like an egg...she zoomed in and said, we have an embryo with a beating heart! Let's measure...the measurement was 6w4d with a +- 5 day accurracy. I exhaled! She dopplered the heart rate...at 125--normal! She said if the initial levels had been normal, she would release me to the OB but since they weren't, let's monitor the growth in 2-3 weeks. Then quiet, reserved Mr. Tarheel & Dr. Thyer start talking/telling stories about kayaking and I know that he is super happy, b/c that's when he's the most talkative. You really know your spouse when you've been married 13 years! I loved calling my fan club with good news...YIPPEE.

I thought it through, I have been infertile for 10 years...that's 1/4 of my life...this is really going to be the change that I've been waiting for!

Another Broken Heart

Why, Why, Why, I scream inside...my sister Robin's level on Monday did not go up appropriately. One of the few times in life when I could say, "I know how you feel". When my 2nd level didn't go up very much, I thought this pregnancy wouldn't be healthy. Yesterday brought bad news, her level actually went down. This signals miscarriage and is so unfair. What do you say? No words can take away the searing knife in your heart and the sadness that spills out...I can't BE there to give her a hug:(

I revisit my losses, remembering the vivid details of each one, despite the years that have passed. The time period is cloaked with gray, a constant sadness, longing, and depression. It wasn't always a valley, but the valley was there in my heart. Time moves on and we process overwhelming things very slowly, like eating an elephant...one bite at a time. We don't know how it turns out here on earth, so we keep putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes faster than other times. We walk toward a very small flicker of light, the flicker of hope....

On our journey, we always have our Maker holding one hand, helping us along. The other hand is for our earthly helpers; different people who encourage us, listen, and are there to help to divide our pain and make it bearable.

Robin, take my hand, I'll help you along....

True Joy!

Yesterday, I received some great news! My sister, Robin, found out she was pregnant! Whooooohoooo! That was a Tarheel scream:) Hopefully, we will have our babies within 2 weeks of each other! Now how wonderful is that! Tucker and Trooper (her dog) have been waiting way too long to be big 4 legged brothers....Today, Mr. Tarheel & I are going out on the boat for the first time together. I'll let you know how it goes:) I'll be the brunette with all smiles out there today...

An Announcement from the Emergency Broadcast System

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this UNC Basketball update....Brandan Wright has announced he will be eligible for the NBA draft. Coach Williams supports his decision b/c research has suggested he will be selected in the top 10. He is not going to sign with an agent at this point, so he is still eligible to come back to school if desired. http://tarheelblue.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/spec-rel/042307aac.html

Now let me imagine this was my decision: on one hand, start for the Tarheels with a great chance to be national champions next year or go make millions of dollars and sit on the bench during most games while trying to gain 50 pounds of productive muscle in 1 year? I'm back & forth but it would be a hard decision. Brandan is 6'9'' and weighs 205...he is going to get tossed around in there with the likes of Shaq until he bulks up but I know he can do it.....we'll miss him but like every year, fans like me, stand back up, brush off the dust, and keep going...always believing in our team!

Pregnancy update: I forget sometimes (denial can be good for coping) but I am still pregnant. 6 days until the 1st ultrasound, Thursday, 5/3 at 11:10am. Chris will be with me....a little pack to be together to hear whatever news comes our way. Cautious optimism is the mood but I dream of the day when I'll be holding my precious baby, hopefully!

Jumping for Joy

So today was the 4th HCG...48 hours after the 367. I had my cautious optimism all around me like a soft, fluffy cloud. I was calm, relaxed, and counted the hours down until the phone call. Lori, the nurse, said the wonderful words..."I have good news." The HCG was 815...it more than doubled in 48 hours....I jumped for joy & called Mr. Tarheel right away. Then I reverted into my #1 Tarheel fan mode...I screamed at the top of my lungs! The next step is a ultrasound on Thursday, May 5...I will be 6w5d and we should see a heart beat! All fingers & toes are crossed and there is much rejoicing happening! Thanks to all who have me in their thoughts and prayers! Today is a great day!

Stuck on a Roller Coaster

On Wednesday morning, I went in for my 2nd HCG level. There was no good news introduction to start out the afternoon call. At least Mr. Tarheel was here to hear...the level only went up to 169. I heard the words "don't be optimistic" as I felt the searing pain & cloud of darkness descend. This is a doubling time of 130 hours, way above the normal. Then I had to work days on Thursday and a long shift on Friday and had a repeat level done on Sat morning, 72 hours later. The level went up to 367, a doubling time of 66 hours! The afternoon call focused on "this is normal". I will be going for another level tomorrow after 48 hours...so cautious optimism is the mood for the day:)

Life-Jacket of Hope

Today was a short work day, a good day. I felt good & happy and happy & good. I felt a little emotional when I stopped by the nursing home to see my wonderful great-Aunt Kat. She is back from the hospital, recovered from pneumonia. I felt like crying there but held it together. I got home and felt very irritated for no good reason. Well, here are some reasons...Tucker, the big red dog has an issue w/ me taking him out to potty. He won't do his #2 business very easily. He just stands there, looking off into the distance & then sniffs and walks around. So he's probably constipated tonight, but he had his opportunity. Then all the dishes were piled up and that got on my nerves. Then there were dirty clothes piled up by the washer. That got on my nerves. Probably for no good reason! Then I went into the closet to get into jammies and lo, & behold, Mr Tarheel made it all better....he has hope...he has bought our baby something after only knowing for 1 day....guess what it is? A baby life-jacket. It's hanging right beside the miracle t-shirt in yesterday's post. Can you believe it? A baby life jacket....it's so CUTE! Hope expresses itself in many ways! I'll post a picture another day when I have more energy to take one:)

Grinning From Ear to Ear

I know some of you have been in the dark and some of you haven't...But all those in the Tarheel88 cheering section were whistling, clapping, jumping, dancing, and shaking pom poms (if they had them)today! That's because after years and years, Tarheel88 is pregnant! The first blood test today was 131--a very good, normal number. There will be another level done on Wednesday to make sure it's going up normally.

Months & months ago, I saw a baby t-shirt that represented my situation and I had to buy it. It has been hanging in the closet, in view, since then. This t-shirt meant hope..Hope that one day, there would be a newborn baby to wear it and like every baby, he/she would be a miracle. It reads "Miracle"....

Today was the beginning of a miracle...& I'm grinning from ear to ear! Now...don't worry, I'm going to turn the light on for all of you who thought I was only about basketball!...

There's More Than Basketball Happening in My Life

Basketball summary: Gator fans Gloat while Tarheel 88 starts count down to next season! My gloom has lifted and hope springs up...enough about basketball until later in the summer when the new schedule/roster is out. Tarheel88 did cheer for the Lady Heels in the Final Four! Congrats to Ivory Latta...a great role model in life & basketball. Set goals, work hard, and motiviate your team and your dreams will come true! Unfortunately, Tarheel88 had to mute another game when UNC lost to the eventual champion, powerhouse Tennessee. But once again, guess where the Duke gals were? At home, watching it on TV!!!!!! Just like their boy counterparts! As always, beating Duke & Duke losing in the tourney was a big highlight of my spring!

Now on to other matters...I'm going to use this blog to write about all the other parts of Tarheel88's life...& I would say that I am a very diverse southerner! The picture shows baby calf Winston taking a break from lunch! His Mom is giving me a dirty look too! We are down to 8 cows--YIPPEE! An appropriate herd for our modest 10 acres. We have 4 cows and 4 calves...2 girls, 2 boys! Our other bull is Big Kahona, born while we were in Hawaii! Our girls are Ruby & Rosie...b/c they are sweet red girls!

Tomorrow is a long awaited day...it's too long of a story for now. Just send good thoughts/prayers my way! Lots of fingers are crossed!

Tarheels Fall to Georgetown in Elite 8 :(

What excitement to begin the weekend with the comeback win over the USC Trogans! Oh to be so high & then fall so hard! Me, Tarheel88, wearing my blue wig and gameface glasses, screamed alot on Sunday afternoon. Screamed as each basket fell and as each Hoya fouled. Did you hear me in NC? Even Roy didn't take his glasses off during the first half! Then the end...the tragic end, when I had to mute the game & run to bury my head in my pillow. Even Tucker, the Tarheel dog, came to give a condolence lick. I couldn't watch as the shots didn't fall and the Hoya elation became nauseating. Don't worry, it's recorded and I'll be able to critique it later! Here's Adam Lucas' recreation of the walk back to the locker room....
http://tarheelblue.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/spec-rel/032507aab.html

The 2006-2007 season is over....I'll never see Reyshawn, Wes, & Dewey in that uniform again...a lump is forming in my throat. Don't cry boys! You'll be there every year, like Tarheel88, watching & living through the next team, & the next. They will always be YOUR team! Good luck with the rest of your life!

When people tell me this & that about my Heels...you know, the naysayers...I give a brief chuckle and say, it's OK...there's only 8 months left before the beginning of next season! I will always support my team, winning or losing. It's a proven fact that the year we won only 8 games, I still watched all the games (usually muted) and I'm no different when I believe we could be National Champions! Now that's what being a #1 fan is all about!

No, I didn't paint my body blue and run amongst the calves, wearing only my bathing suit! But I did ask anyone who would listen....Guess where Duke is right now? Guess what Coach K is doing? WATCHING US ON TV!

Go Tarheels!

Full of Madness

Here is newborn calf Ruby, born 2/28 and healthy. You're right, new calves aren't related to basketball but I wanted to show you that Tarheel88 does have other interests!

Now on to March Madness! One BIG issue for me is how CBS handles the tournament broadcasts. I actually WATCHED 4 out of 40 minutes of my Heels play the Eastern Kentucky Colonels. That is a one digit number...FOUR. I had to watch a ticker at the top of the screen, in fast forward as I watched DUKE LOSE & Xavier pull out a close one. Now, I could have listened on my computer (note for next time) but for half of the game, I was at Wild Ginger enjoying peppered scallops, duck, & Chilean sea bass! So hence, recording the games is a must. Mr. Tarheel saved me b/c there is only 100 hours of capacity and I was almost maxed out. Stop biting your nails...we won! & by a comfortable margin but they tried to make a comeback while we were playing sloppy (according to Roy)....& Tarheel88 didn't get to actually SEE it! I'm mad about more than one thing!

Next up, tomorrow we play the Michigian State Spartans with coach Tom Izzo. Hopefully, more of the game will be shown and I'll have some time at work in the hospital on the hill, overlooking the sound to watch. Stay tuned!

After 9 long years--ACC CHAMPIONS

Sorry about the hiatus Tarheel fans, but between working, watching basketball, computer problems, and birthing calves....Tarheel88 has been tied up! Rest assurred, I was THERE when Duke bit the dust and when the Ram snuck up and took the bite right out of the Wolfpack! What a game it was! Does that mean Sidney Lowe's red coat doesn't have good luck anymore?

It was a day to remember...cutting down the net in Tampa Bay...congrats to seniors Reyshawn Terry and Wes Miller! The memories will last forever! Best of all was the tenacity and heart demonstrated by Roy's boys...yes, yes, yes, they have the heart, talent, desire, and dream to go 6 out of 6 and be crowned National Champions in only 18 days!!!

(Confession by Tarheel88....when the brackets came out, there was some periodic breathing as espn.com loaded up on the screen...we must win more games than Ohio State, Georgetown, & Texas to make it to the final game. A knot developed in my throat and that night, I had a nightmare....we were playing the Hoya's in the Elite 8. Now what is a Hoya? We were behind, with enough time left. We sparked, 5' 11'' Ty Lawson drove in to the basket, Brandon was brilliant and we pulled ahead just before the end! The nightmare was over and I woke up in a sweat but happy!)

Next up...tonight we will play & beat Eastern Kentucky Colonels! Go Heels!

UNC Now a Depressing #8

Sunday in snowy College Park was a shoot-fest between UNC and the Maryland Terrapins. The game would be won by the team with the most defensive desire...(like the fairy tail race, the tortoise won but the hare was more rested!) After a 28 hour shift, a 2 hour nap, and while drinking coffee from a yellow pocca-dot cup, Tarheel88 contemplated starting some high dose Prozac. Like sand through an hourglass, the Heels let a 10 point lead slip through their fingers. Give credit to Gary Williams and his team, especially senior DJ Strawberry....never give up and there's always a chance. Now for Tarheel88's ideas on reviving some Tarheel energy: Roy should remove the rims from the Dean Dome goals and have defensive only practice. And I mean, long, long practices where each player is broken down and then rebuilt like bootcamp. Then, more foul shooting practice...instead of having everyone make 8 out of 10 before leaving, up it to 18 out of 20....come on guys! We have the heart, desire, and the talent to be National Champions....& Tarheel 88 still has hope! We will redeem ourselves by out-performing & becoming ACC Champions in 13 days....& the count down to the UNC will beat Duke again party....Sunday at 1 pm PST. Up next at Georgia Tech on Thursday...Go Heels!

The Ram Squeezes the Wolf's Neck

Wednesday night came and the Wolfpack came to our house...the Rockin' Dean Dome. Tarheel88 was at an engagement until half-time. I saw the score 41-40 and I thought we were in for a fight--Ali-style! But when the Heels took the floor, there was no looking back. The Pack had tired legs and a sick coach (best wishes to Sidney Lowe, the bearer of all red jackets!). And the rebounding festivities began! Even Roy said he was proud of the team without giving even a little constructive criticism after the praises. YIPPEE, UNC reigns as #1 in ACC!! Up next is Sunday's trip to Maryland. Only 39 days until the National Championship Game!!!!

Reyshawn's My Man

Chestnull Hill was rocking and BC's Dudley & Rice wanted Tarheel heads to roll...but it wasn't to be! Intensity was the key, as the Heels and BC went head to head for #1 spot in the ACC rankings. Silent, but deadly, Reyshawn Terry, the only starting senior, performed brilliantly offensively...Congrats! Mr Tarheel tried to get a great picture but only part of my head is in this picture. Imagine me clapping & screaming for each tri-vector and free throw....even Tucker had trouble sleeping through this one. So Tarheels are #1 in the ACC! When tomorrow's rankings come out, I predict a new #1 Wisconsin...since Florida lost to those Vandy Commodores...too bad, even Goliath has a vulnerable spot...Get ready for NC State in our house on Wednesday night. The madness is intensifying...Hurry up March, hurry up...

Roy Blames Himself

I'm sure you've heard by now, the Hokies came out ahead, again, this time in Dean's Dome. How depressing! It took me 3 days plus all afternoon to watch it, interrupted by a hacking cough, Theraflu, and 2 naps. I saw a crack in Roy's foundation of Substitution 101, it's difficult to keep the rhythm going with so many changes in players. How much depth is right? Only 10 hours to our match-up with Boston College on our first visit to Chestnut Hill. Here's the game guide: http://tarheelblue.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/spec-rel/021707aab.html Hopefully, Brandan Wright's shoulder it better, we need him to play. BC is #1 in ACC play, a win is essential...I know Roy's boys are up for it! Go Heels!

Another One Bites the Dust

What a wonderful weekend...starting out with a nice 25 hour work day, then another nice UNC blowout (http://tarheelblue.cstv.com/), then a sunny northwest Sunday afternoon, and now, I know you can't hear, but in the background is the sweet, sweet sound of Dook losing to Maryland! 4 in a row! I can't wait to see them drop down, down, down in the rankings tomorrow. UNC may (hopefully) move up 1 notch or stay the same...we'll see. During Saturday's half-time show, they honored the 25 year anniversary of the 1982 National Championship team. When they announced Coach Dean Smith as the best college basketball coach of all time, Michael Jordan kissed him on the head. Tarheel88 got choked up...I just love that man, my adopted Grandpa! First up this week on Tuesday, is Va Tech at home on Tuesday. WE MUST AVENGE OUR LOSS! Tarheel88 predicts we win by 20 and watch some Hokie tails go between their legs!

No other words are needed...UNC beats Dook!

Roy's Enthusiasm

Good morning all you Heels fans, all the ones who slept like a baby, with smiles on your faces. I hope you didn't go to the gym yesterday b/c your heart rate had to be in the aerobic target zone last night until the end of the 2nd half! Tarheel88 had a wonderful day watching the end of the 04 and 95 UNC/Dook games on ESPN classic. After watching the 04 team lose in overtime in the morning, I knew we won the 95 game, b/c ESPN has a reputation of fairness to uphold. I got to see Dean Smith himself coaching Jerry Stackhouse and Rasheed Wallace win in 2OT! Then, the live game at 6pm PST....the Cameron crazies were out in full force, Coach K was himself and didn't show any teeth the entire night. It was a slow start, those dirty little devils showed sparks of brilliance. The Heels were a little slow out of the gate (remember the tortoise won), stoic was the main emotion. But Lawson, Hansbrough, Wright, & Ellington went to work and in the end, reigned victorous! So now Duke has lost 3 in a row, the first time since yada yada year...I will just be smiling on Monday when the new polls come out and they drop out of the top 25! Roy has a unique way he enthusiastically motivates his team with emotion, as you can see in the picture. I hope his cardiologist recreates these conditions to see what exactly his blood pressure is during a game! Coming up next Wake at home on Sat...!

Tonight's Hype..by Sportz Assassin

UNC-Duke: The Matchups
Posted Feb 7th 2007 6:06AM by Sportz Assassin Here are the matchups for tonight's North Carolina-Duke game. Instead of the normal positional battles...below is more of a sectional battle. Starters names are in italics:
BACKCOURT
UNC: Tywon Lawson, Wayne Ellington, Marcus Ginyard, Bobby Frasor, Wes Miller, Quentin ThomasDUKE: DeMarcus Nelson, Greg Paulus, Jon Scheyer, Martynas Pocius
The key here will be Duke's ability to slow down the speed in the Heels' backcourt. This will be a great match-up as Duke has always prided themselves with the defensive guards and they will get a work out with this Heels team. They are deep in the backcourt and have a variety of guys they can bring in. Despite being freshmen, Lawson and Ellington don't turn the ball over as much as you'd think. They should in this one since Duke really pressures the ballhandlers. Lawson is finding his offensive legs while Ellington has become one of the better perimeter players in the ACC. Ginyard [defense], Frasor [intelligence], Miller [range] and Thomas [speed/passing] bring different aspects when they get into the game. For Duke, the big thing will be how Paulus performs. Paulus can look great at times...while looking lost at others. Nelson should keep in the tradition of experienced off guards who tend to torch the Heels when they get their chance. UNC doesn't guard the three-point shot that well, so Scheyer could really become a Duke X-factor.
WINGS
UNC: Reyshawn Terry, Danny GreenDUKE: Gerald Henderson, David McClure
Henderson has just recently broken into the starting lineup for the Devils. He is very athletic and has gotten into the lineup by picking up his defensive effort. Terry is a tough pickup for most small forwards. Terry is also athletic, has great range and has that senior experience that helps in games like this. He's 6'9 and one of Carolina's best rebounders. However, this season Terry seems to be on his own program at times and can play himself out of games. Green and McClure are good intangible guys for both teams. Both are very good defenders but Green is a bigger scoring threat.
FRONTCOURT
UNC: Tyler Hansbrough, Brandan Wright, Deon Thompson, Alex StephensonDUKE: Josh McRoberts, Lance Thomas, Brian Zoubek
The premiere matchup is here. Entering 2005, Tyler Hansbrough and Josh McRoberts were the top names that entered the college ranks. Last year, Psycho T was the focal point of UNC while McRoberts was more of a role player. This year, Hansbrough doesn't have to have outstanding games for North Carolina to win...while Duke needs McRoberts to play well to have success. Both are tireless on the boards and are willing to bang inside. Tyler is more physical while Josh is more athletic. The difference here is Brandan Wright, one of the ACC's top freshmen. Wright, at times, turns into Carolina's best player. He's tall, lanky, has long arms and very athletic which means there will be two guys in Carolina blue fighting on the boards, and Wright is a solid shotblocker. The key will be if Thomas can make a difference inside. Last year, Hansbrough did well against an experienced defensive guru Sheldon Williams. Can Thomas hold his own and contribute? And don't underestimate the contributions of Thompson for the Heels.
INTANGIBLES
Well, both teams are coming off tough losses. UNC lost at NC State in which they were outplayed and outclassed. No doubt that Roy Williams has this team focused for this one. Duke has lost two straight, including Sunday's home game with Florida State. At times, Duke looks like they can be the Duke we all know and love/hate. Other times, Duke becomes befuddled and struggles the find points. Both teams can bring the defense...but Duke does a much better job doing it all the time. It also will be interesting to see how Carolina's freshmen hold up to the Cameron Crazies. Last year's freshmen crop did a solid job. One clear advantage for UNC is their depth. The Heels will keep moving people in and out of the game to keep their guys fresh in that hot, steamy, tense atmosphere. Needless to say, the coaches have been in some big games before.
STYLE
UNC wants to push it. Duke wants to work it. Whomever gets to impose their will gets a big advantage. Normally in games that pit high scoring teams against low scoring teams, the low scorers want to slow the game down and limit the amount of possessions. Look for Duke to do that. That could end up being advantageous for a variety of reasons. One, it will keep UNC from running them out of the gym. Two, it should frustrate the Heels enough for them to force up quick shots which, at times, kills Carolina. And when UNC has bad nights on the offensive end, their defense suffers. A problem for Duke is that they turn the ball over waaaay too much...which plays into the runnin' Heels hands.
HOW I FIGURE IT WILL PLAY OUT
Duke will open up with a furor. The emotion will be there as they really, really need this win. The Heels will [they better] stuff that opening run and work their way back into the game. For the rest of the first half, both coaches will work their benches, subbing liberally until halftime. At the half, the game will be within 4 points [either team could be leading]. Second half rolls out. They key will be who imposes their will. I think UNC will find places in the Duke defense they can exploit. Both schools are nice 2nd half teams so they will take it to war for a while. But UNC pulls away as their fresh legs finally allow them the run a bit and get some easy baskets. Duke furiously closes the gap within the final two minutes...setting up a great finish. The Heels interior presence of Hansbrough and Wright come alive, get to the line, and salt the game away. The verdict? North Carolina 75-Duke 70

Not Hungry Like a Wolf

Well, fans...Saturday wasn't as upbeat as I'd planned. The Heels went to Raleigh to the NC State Wolfpack house and walked out with long faces and heads held down. No teeth were showing. Roy took his glasses on and off more than usual. Let me explain....Roy wears what looks to be reading glasses. When he is especially frustrated with a play, a player, or how things are going....he takes his glasses off and puts them down, demonstratively. Then Tarheel88 screams to Mr. Tarheel, "He's taking his glasses off!" It's a sure sign of trouble! The Wolfpack were hungry like a wolf (in keeping with song lyrics, this one from Duran Duran from 1980's...I love the 80's). There were sparks of brillance....Ty's downtown 3's, Tyler's derriere pushing Pack players out of the way, Brandan's consistency as a skinny giant. Before the Heels could get a fire going, the Pack doused us with water.....we tried, but didn't overcome their belief that they could beat the Heels. What does that mean to the #1 fan? Their were no tears, no sadness, the day wasn't ruined. Their still #1 in my heart, being the #1 fan. Don't focus on the negatives, b/c in 4 days, we are going to Krzyzewskiville to take on Dook! Now looking back, having a loss does do something for motivation and being properly motivated to take on Dook is absolutely necessary. Everyone who knows me, would never say that I hate NC State. But if asked, what would everyone say that Tarheel88 hates? It would be those dirty little devils with their rabbit impersonating coach! Doesn't Mike look like a little rabbit when he's mad? Shake it off Heels and get ready to beat Dook in their house on Wednesday night! Now for your trival pursuit question: How did Duran Duran get their name? How did Duran Duran get their name?The band took their name from Roger Vadim's 1960's cult sci-fi classic film "Barbarella," starring Jane Fonda. There was a character played by Milo O'Shea called Duran Duran.

Week 12--UNC back up to # 3!

Two weeks have passed and Mr. Tarheel & I were enjoying the warmth & sun of the Big Island, Hawaii. My plans included watching the games with the Pacific Ocean waves breaking in the background! Since my last post, Roy's boys have taken Clemson, Ga. Tech, Wake, & AZ and moved back up to # 3! Next up is Miami at the Dean Dome tomorrow & NC State in Raleigh on Sat. Now, being the #1 fan isn't synonomous with being cocky...in the ACC, we all know that when you go to someone else's house, you have to play hard to win & don't take it for granted. Marcus Ginyard & Brandan Wright were ill for AZ & Ellington & Stepheson stepped up to the plate & did very well! Congrats! Now, on our vacation, our first Red Angus calf delivered safely...a bull calf, weighing in at 106 pounds birth weight...YIKES! We've decided on the name Big Kahouna..Big K for short..which is Big Chief in Hawaiian. All are doing well...isn't he cute!

That's What Fans are For

As I was watching the Tarheel vs. Hokie game on Saturday, Dionne Warwick came to mind. You know, you remember, Whitney Houston's cousin & fellow hit-maker back in 1985...singing the song, That's What Friends are For. I interposed Fans for Friends and you have Tarheel88 with a non-smiling game face at the end of the contest. As you can see, blue hair & sunglasses become me! I was all smiles at the beginning, watching the poised Heels execute and even Roy showed some teeth now & then. Then, my boys, fell into either a fox hole,a hornets nest, or a snake pit. As you can see, we were losing by 14 with 2:31 left....we ended up losing 94 to 88....so we brilliantly made 19 points in 2:31 minutes....just a little late for the run to put us on top. Here are some thoughts about the game: 1) Ty Lawson, freshman point guard extraordinaire is still learning to be a leader. His most brilliant move was forcing the ball inside while being triple teamed by giants...he is listed at 5' 11" and got his own rebound 2 times before being stripped of the ball. Now all you short basketball wanta-bes out there....don't let anyone tell you that you are too short. You will have to have to be faster and have a bigger heart....but don't let height limit you! 2) Poor foul shouting contributed in a major way in our loss. I don't have the stats but I'll bet if we had made 80% of our free throws, we would have won. Tarheel88 would have everyone stay after practice this week until they could hit 8 out of 10 free throws! 3) Anyone can beat anyone in the ACC on their home court...I saw some Carolina fans sitting behind the bench, sitting, arms folded in lap, no smiles. Now, that's not the way to be when cheering on your team. Take lessons from Tarheel88...run around the room, scream, scare Tucker & the cows, have Mr. Tarheel tell you to calm down, & on & on & on....So we'll probably slide down from #1, but it was great while it lasted. We'll be back...this was the "learning experience" that Roy needed to motivate & teach his team. At the end of March, I'm sure the Hokies will be home in Blacksburg, boasting about how they beat the Tarheels back in January, while they're watching us in the Final Four! Here are the lyrics to That's What Friends are For: go ahead, make sure no one is listening and sing your heart out! "And I never thought I'd feel this way, And as far as I'm concerned, I'm glad I got the chance to say, That I do believe I love you, And if I should ever go away, Well then close your eyes and try, To feel the way we do today, And then if you can remember** Keep smiling, keep shining, Knowing you can always count on me, for sure, That's what friends are for, For/In good times and/in bad times, I'll be on your side forever more, That's what friends are for, Well you came and opened me, And now there's so much more I see, And so by the way I thank you, And then for the times when we're apart, Well then close your eyes and know, These words are coming from my hearts, And then if you can remember."

Finally, Tarheel88 Jumping for Joy---We're #1!!!

Today is one of the days that I have been waiting for....well, actually, yesterday. Those dirty devils had some Va techies come to THEIR house & leave doing a victory dance. Hence the fall for them from #5 to #11. Usually, I don't baste in someone else's loss, but all who know me, know that there is one and only one thing that Tarheel88 hates & that is Dook! Now, right before the first conference game for the Tarheels, I found out that the mightlyless #1 Bruins had fallen to some really strong ducks and I began the celebrating early. Then came the Seminoles ready for battle. The announcers talked about their struggles without a post player, yada, yada, yada (I tuned out during the excuses), giving them an out for the loss. Only during the end of the blowout did they adequately recognize the talent, the depth, the coaching, the heart, the drive, and the FANS (including me, screaming at home) that makes UNC Tarheels the #1 team they are destined to be. Only 85 days until National Championship Night on April 3 in the Georgia Dome. My fingers are crossed!~ Next up UVA on Saturday...Here are the rankings:

2006-2007 Men's Rankings - Week 10
Week: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
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Week 10 AP Top 25
1. North Carolina (64) 14-1 1,788
2. Florida (3) 14-2 1,682
3. Wisconsin (1) 15-1 1,635
4. UCLA (4) 14-1 1,621
5. Ohio State 13-2 1,508
6. Kansas 13-2 1,410
7. Pittsburgh 14-2 1,265
8. Texas A&M 13-2 1,194
9. Oklahoma State 15-1 1,151
10. Arizona 12-2 1,141
11. Duke 13-2 1,090
12. Butler 14-1 916
13. LSU 11-3 898
14. Alabama 13-2 863
15. Oregon 14-1 830
16. Tennessee 13-2 697
17. Clemson 16-0 632
18. Air Force 15-1 567
19. Nevada 13-1 486
20. Memphis 11-3 428
21. West Virginia 13-1 342
22. Washington State 14-2 214
22. Notre Dame 13-2 214
24. Connecticut 12-2 188
25. Texas 11-3 99
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTESGeorgetown 90, Maryland 74, Marquette 69, Northern Iowa 69, Washington 61, Arkansas 57, Kentucky 36, Missouri State 24, USC 13, Drexel 11, Virginia Tech 10, Wichita State 10, Southern Illinois 10, Syracuse 4, Providence 2, Indiana 1.
DROPPED FROM RANKINGSMarquette 15, Washington 24.
Complete Rankings
Week 10 ESPN/USA Today Poll
1. North Carolina (27) 14-1 771
2. Florida (2) 14-2 726
3. UCLA (2) 14-1 708
4. Wisconsin 15-1 680
5. Ohio State 13-2 645
6. Kansas 13-2 590
7. Pittsburgh 14-2 547
8. Arizona 12-2 508
9. Texas A&M 13-2 505
10. Oklahoma State 15-1 465
11. Duke 13-2 445
12. Butler 14-1 437
13. Alabama 13-2 380
14. Clemson 16-0 343
15. Air Force 15-1 342
15. Nevada 13-1 342
17. Oregon 14-1 295
18. LSU 11-3 284
19. Memphis 11-3 178
20. Tennessee 13-2 162
21. West Virginia 13-1 149
22. Connecticut 12-2 135
23. Washington State 14-2 79
24. Washington 11-4 75
25. Maryland 14-2 74

#2 Tarheels

As we reflect on 2006 and plan for 2007, UNC is still ranked #2:( UCLA (#1 ranked) beat UW today, so I'm doubtful this will change. You Bruins & Devils will live your vivid nightmares when Hansbrough, Wright, & Lawson meet you face to face in Hotlanta in the Final 4. Stay tuned, I'm gearing up for intense conference play....where the men and boys are separated.

A Visit to Blue Heaven

During my recent Thanksgiving trip back home, I had the opportunity to visit the southern part of heaven. Now the thought has crossed my mind, will UNC be National Champions every year in heaven? I'm sure I won't care when I'm there. I was able to drive down Franklin street and by the infamous Dean Dome and see all the construction progress around campus and UNC Hospitals. The years are passing quickly because it was 22 years ago that the 2 ton dump truck brought me & all of my belongings up Hwy 54 & delivered me to 111 Joyner, across from the then "new" Wilson library. The memories will always be held dear because it was there in that environment where various experiences shaped me into the woman I am today. My first job as a nurse was at the then North Carolina Memorial Hospital at the NC Jaycee Burn Center. I was able to catch up with old friend Anita Fields and Ernie Grant. The experience of working there, with the best team in the world, developed my view of nursing into the positive, affirming one that I still hold today. I knew I would make a difference as a nurse because I saw that I did every day. More about that at a later date....111 Joyner has an air conditioner in the window and the outside door has been replaced to a connector with another new building. The tennis courts behind the dorm are gone, replaced with a parking garage. The Pit, the Bell Tower, Kenan stadium, Woolen gym...they are all still there. There is an new & improved Carrington Nursing School...so beautiful with it's dark wood, still holding the rooms where I learned my profession. How lucky I was to have the opportunity to go to the University of North Carolina! Here's a picture of me at the Old Well...the symbol of the University. I'm so far away now, but the place will live on in my memories and heart. Because whereever you go, you can look up and see that God made the sky Carolina blue!

Teardrops fall for Deputy Steve Cox

Thousands gather to honor fallen King County deputy

Governor Gregoire called slain King County Deputy Steve Cox a role model, an inspiration, a hero and a superman.She spoke at his funeral today at a SeaTac church."He was the embodiment of the best of public service," she said. "As a deputy prosecutor, as a sheriff's deputy, and as a community activist, he never stopped believing and working to the betterment of his community."King County Sheriff Sue Rahr told the mourners that no one will be able to fill Steve's shoes but she says deputies have an obligation to keep his legacy alive by not letting down the people of White Center.That's where Cox was working early Saturday when he was shot while questioning a suspect.Thousands of officers from across the region joined families and friends for the service at the Christian Faith Center. A motorcade to the service Friday morning went through White Center and past the sheriff's station where a memorial of flowers had been placed.Mike Schemnitzer served as Steve's partner for the past 2 ½ years, and said working with Steve was the biggest honor of his life. "The only thing Steve loved more than protecting White Center was his family," he said while holding back tears. Schemnitzer said that patrolling the community with Steve was like riding around with a rock star. "People would yell his name at the car and wave, and when we got out people would crowd around because they wanted to talk to him.""He was more than just a partner and a friend," Schemnitzer said of Cox. "He was a legend." The 46-year-old Cox was a former deputy prosecuting attorney who became a police officer and joined the King County sheriff's office nine years ago.He was known as a "cop's cop" -- bigger than life and determined to clean up the streets he patrolled.But at home, he was a loving husband and a new father. The day before the memorial service his widow wanted to share memories of the man she loved and lost."There's no words. I cannot express exactly what I feel," said Maria Cox.Maria Cox says it feels like a part of her has been ripped away; the way any woman would feel when she's lost her husband."He had a mission," Maria Cox said. "He wanted White Center to become a decent area. He says 'it's going to be clean, it's going to be fixed and we are going to make that happen.' "Steve Cox was on that mission Saturday, investigating an assault outside a White Center home. Police say as the deputy questioned Raymond Porter -- a known gang member and convicted felon -- Porter shot Cox in the head.Friends and family say Porter's bullet took a dedicated cop, a devoted husband, and an excited new father. Just a few months ago, the couple adopted Bronson, a son who brought out the softer side of Steve."Bronson's going to know his Dad was a big, big man," Maria Cox said. "Not just a tall, beefy guy but he had a very large heart, very responsible."To many in the community he seemed bigger than life. But at home, Maria says he tried to protect her from the sometimes dark details of his job.So, she says, she never knew just how special he was on the streets."I didn't know my Superman was everybody else's Superman."Even though Maria Cox thought of her husband as Superman, she worried about him being out on the streets. So every night, she fell asleep to the chatter of a police scanner so she could hear his code name and know that he was OK.In what seems like a merciful twist, Friday night was the one night that she didn't have the scanner on. So she never heard the desperate call that there was an officer down. Our hearts are breaking for the Cox family.

UNC Ranked #3

So, all you fans..weren't we PUMPED when the Heels beat Ohio State...now don't talk about the ifs, when, or buts...b/c on that night, the game ended with UNC having more points than the Buckeyes. YIPPEE. I did practice some deep breathing and guided imagery during the first half. Now we are going into the holiday blow out period....stay tuned.....PS. more & more Dook fans head for the closet...if they aren't # 1, you just don't hear many people saying how they are fans. Read my lips...when UNC only won 8 games ALL YEAR, I still watched the games (on mute, sometimes) and told everyone who asked, my name is #1 Tarheel Fan....move over, fair weathered fans....New AP Poll--Week 5
1. UCLA (55) 6-0 1,781
2. Pittsburgh (15) 8-0 1,713
3. North Carolina (2) 6-1 1,619
4. Alabama 7-0 1,550
5. Ohio State 7-1 1,510
6. Texas A&M 7-0 1,385
7. Duke 7-1 1,168
7. Florida 7-2 1,168
9. LSU 4-1 1,099
10. Wichita State 6-0 1,016

Lance, Zackery, & Grace

There are 3 special people in my life and unfortunately, I have to travel on a plane to see them. (teardrop)!Thanksgiving time was my trip back to see family and meet the newest special person...Grace, age 2 1/2 months. Lance in 4 and Zackery is 2. What a busy, wonderful time it was! I miss & love them so much!