Here contains glimpses of my life (especially Jack, the 8 year old) and obsession with UNC Tarheel basketball!



Sunday, May 11, 2008

There's Nothing Like a Mother & Her Son





Today's one of those days long hoped for, long dreamed about. The first Mother's Day of a new Mom....For so long, I was only a Mom-Wanna-be...Now, b/c of patience, perserverence, lots of money, and Jack...I am a Mom! Motherhood is so many things that I knew it would be, and so many other things that I never even considered. I knew I would have my Ah-Ha moments...that I had finally arrived at my destination or the end of a long, hard journey. I never dreamed of the ferocity or intensity of the love that you have for your child. I didn't consider the endurance and hard work that's required of motherhood. I never knew it would be so fun!


Jack rolled over (from tummy to back) on Friday...you know, of course, it was while I was at work and he was with Mr. Tarheel. Jack hasn't enjoyed tummy time very much but Mr. Tarheel put him down under his "gym" and he immediately rolled over, and over, and over...a total of 3 times. Now, I tried to get him to do it the next day....he would just look up at me, like in the picture above, and laugh and laugh and laugh. So much for Jack trying to impress his mother. I'll have to wait for him to get a little older to encourage him to perform his tricks after I get home from work!


Saturday, May 03, 2008

Jack @ 5 months



Here's Jack @ 5 months old...he loves to laugh and put his fingers in his mouth. He's one happy baby!

Friday, May 02, 2008

Quack Quack Jack



Here's Jack in his thick, soft, Duck towel...after Mr. Tarheel gave him a nice long bath. He loves to put his 1st/2nd fingers in his mouth now and he's drooling constantly. I never knew a baby could drool through so many bibs in one day. I bought some of the water proof ones and they work better. No teeth yet...but Jack loves to put a cold teether in his mouth.

Here's some things Jack's doing now:
  1. He's sleeping 8-10 hours a night with at least 2 naps a day...YIPPEE!
  2. He found his ears and pulls on them sometimes...like, WOW, what's this? I looked into them with my otoscope (yes, I bought an otoscope, so I would know when to take him in if he gets an ear infection)...his ear drums are perfect....like the rest of him.
  3. Some hairs on the top of his head are growing...I can comb it over and my boy looks so OLD. I'm already missing the new baby fuzz look. The hair over his ears is touching his ears now.
  4. Tummy time is still a struggle....I let him go until he lets out a ear-piercing, horror movie scream...then I give in and turn him over....of course, I'm right there, trying to play with him...but usually to no avail.
  5. He's 5 months old tomorrow.....I can't believe it is passing so quickly. A year ago, on 5/3/07, we saw Jack's heart beating for the first time....so one year ago today, I was a ball of nerves. A year has passed and my life is grand!

Mothers (Day) Month began yesterday...yes, I'll be celebrating for a month. An entire month, I say...because after so long of being a "Wanna-be mother"...I'm actually, yes, a mother. Some special people send me mother's poems/emails and of course...I usually cry. It (motherhood) is so much more (of many things) than I ever imagined.....I'm working on getting Mr. Tarheel on board for Mother's month...I've tried to entice him with promises for his Father's month..so we'll see how much celebration is in store for me.

You know there's usually a song in my head...and today's song is...Celebration...you know, by Kool & the Gang...I danced to this at my prom. Yes, the prom that I went to with my cousin....now that is a whole other posting...

There's a party going on 'round here,

A celebration, to last throughout the year

So bring your good times

And your laughter too

Cause we're going to celebrate this party with you

Come on, Celebrate good times, Come on

Maybe, that's right because I didn't look it up...that's how it is in Tarheel88's mind....

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Tall Fauxhawk


It's a little hard to see, but Jack has a Mommy-styled "faux" hawk...a play on the word Mohawk, but it's fake (faux) b/c he still has hair on the sides of his head. He's happy here, with his tongue sticking out. He's happy most of the time, unless he's hungry, tired, or bored.

It's happened...you know one of those firsts....he was afraid of someone who he knows...& cried. It's happened 3 times within the last week....like the beginning of stranger anxiety. When the person in question, smiles, talks to him, or I hand him over to be held...he looks at me with sad eyes and the mouth opens first and then the crying/screaming begins. The word that comes to mind.....is


DEPENDENCY


I could do an entire posting on this concept...both the wonderful and not so wonderful repercussions of having another person needing you for everything....but suffice it to say, most of the time, I'm OK with it. I dreamed of Jack and nurturing him but never thought through what dependency really meant. From someone who has sought out independence and highly values the concept...it's a 180 degree turnaround. The catalyst is love...meeting their needs is just something you do when you love someone as much as you love your child....

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Laughing Jack & Tarheel News


Laughing Jack & Aunt Robin...guess who's making him laugh...none other than his wonderful mother...Tarheel88~!
Well, there's the good news & the bad news...which one do you want to hear first? OK, I know most of you are the glass half full kind of people....so we'll go with the good news first...
Tyler Hansbrough....UNC Tarheels National Player of the Year is coming back to school next year.....yes, he will probably be a role player, not a star in the NBA. He'll have a long, profitable career, barring any injury. But, isn't it great that he feels he hasn't met his goal of being National Champions yet! And a nice college degree from the FIRST state university (that's first out of all 50)...will only enhance his life! What a role model!
The bad news...Ty Lawson and Wayne Ellington have said they are eligible for the NBA draft in June...but they aren't hiring agents, so they can come back to school if desired. Now, I don't pray negative prayers, but I really would like to see them come back...so maybe it won't be a lucrative as they are planning. We'll see!
Yes, our boy is predictably sleeping over 8 Hours at night now...now that's something to write about. We will survive! I know so many have done it before, but I have to say....when you're over 40, like us, it is more challenging to be sleep-deprived. So don't tell me you know how we feel because most of you were worrying about teenagers when you were over 40....we will be in our mid-50's then & I'm sure we'll definitely have forgotten what it's like to be a teenager....Poor Jack!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Love In the House







I'm singing in my head...which sounds better than out loud because I can't carry a tune in a bucket with directions on the handle...but the lyrics go like this...





Love is in the house and the house is packed


It's so darn full, I left the back door cracked.






Here's Auntie RaRa (short for Robin, not Roberta Penelope) and Uncle Kerry (which Tarheel88 can say without moving her lips, I have many talents)....Jack loves them so much!





Speaking of lyrics/music...Mr. Tarheel is exposing Jack to many different genres of music, courtesy of iT*nes....here's some examples of what they are listening to this week:






  1. I Was Made for Loving You (Kiss)
  2. Gunpowder & Lead (Miranda Lambert)
  3. We're An American Band (Grand Funk Railroad)
  4. Papa Was a Rolling Stone (Temptations)---Tarheel 88's fav
  5. Rock It (Herbie Hancock)
  6. I Can't Stand It (Eric Clapton)
  7. Last but not least...I have no embarrassment whatsoever about this because Jack loves to dance to this one...Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla Ice)

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

First Scratch



First scratch...look under his left eye...we felt so bad. So now, we trim his nails more often....He's on his way in training his parents!

So Much Love, So Little Time


Aunt RaRa and Uncle Kerry came for a 4 day visit and Jack had lots of fun getting held & held & kissed & kissed. I love being with my wonderful sister because she listens as I talk & talk & talk. We understand each other in so many ways....plus, I have been jumping up and down (mainly on the inside) because....Robin is pregnant!!! Little "Peanut" is due in November and that means Jack will have another cousin to play with!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Jack's Favorite Book


Jack likes books and this is his favorite...see the dog on the front. A bone with velcro is in his mouth and is attached on a string to be used on each inside page....a brilliant idea! Thanks Carol!
His other favorite is Pat the Bunny...now, I thought Pat was the bunny's name before I read the book 100 times. The title actually means...pat or rub the bunny and it is a furry cut out of a bunny's body for the child to rub. I now know my first book by heart and can even critique the illustrations (Judy's body isn't in proportion to her Dad....for all of you who have seen it). We read books every day together and he seems to like it...or is it that I think it's important, so I'm projecting this onto him? Anyway, he appears to like it....he stares at each page and even tries to turn the pages. I don't think he knows how to read yet, but I'm watching for the first sign of word recognition....

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Early Morning Happy Jack

Would Suzanne Somers recommend a thigh master in this case?
Our beautiful son, blowing bubbles...

Good Morning Sunshine




One year ago tomorrow, we found out we were pregnant...I knew by the nurse's voice that it was positive...also, I remember the same type of call back on 1/27/01 to tell me the bad news that our previous IVF cycle had not been successful. Leading up to the moment, I can remember every detail of the wait. Wow, the wait is over...or was over on 12/3/07. If I had known how long it would take, I probably would have been more depressed than I actually was...or maybe I would have been able to rest assured that my dream would come true and be happier in each moment.

Jack loves mornings...like Tarheel 88...when I wake up, my mind screams "COFFEE" and I'm awake & happy. When Jack wakes up, I'm guessing his mind screams "I'm HUNGRY" and he's awake & happy when I walk into his room. I always greet him with "Good Morning, Sunshine"...like my sister April taught me and he smiles or laughs. Morning people are good people to be around in the morning...

Here's Jack before 7am this morning...

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Just Like Every Other Night


I didn't go into any detail about my extreme disappointment in the Tarheels losing in the final 4, one week ago today. Back in the BJ days (before Jack), I would have gone on and on with my commentary as to who played great and who didn't with statistics and my take on adopted Uncle Roy & his boys. Oh well, I'm busier and happier than in my BJ days.
Before Jack, I would have ruminated and sulked and gotten a stomach ache that even Tums wouldn't cure. I would have critiqued the official UNC athletic web site www.tarheelblue.com and some other UNC basketball blogs that I used to read. But in the end, the facts are the facts. We had a great season, beating Duke TWICE, being the ACC regular season champs and winning the ACC tournament, & Tyler was truly the National Player of the Year! but we still didn't become the National Champions that I expected. And once again, my one bracket partner & next door neighbors, Mayoe & Beth, will be enjoy a nice steak dinner on my ticket!
That's OK with me more than it's ever been. You know why? After the game, I took my boy in for his bath and he laughed and kicked just like every other night. I blew a hole in his belly, he laughed, and then we read books together and I rocked him and gave him his bottle. He smelled so clean and smiled so sweet, just like every other night. Jack has changed my perspective.
Plus, I was thinking, it's only 7 months to the beginning of next season!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Best Time is Now



Jack is ticklish under his (fat) armpits, so when he's in a good mood, I can get him to laugh out loud by tickling him. It's a wonderful sound, the sound of our boy laughing. Now, the crying gets louder also, as they get bigger and older. And my, can Jack cry loud. I've been trying to get a picture of him in a full blown scream...but alas, I forget to take one because when he's crying, I'm always busy.

I ask other parents, what is your favorite time with your child...meaning...what age do you like the best? Some have a response about a certain age and then they go on and on about how this or that stage was great b/c of this or that....and basically, I've figured it out...

The best time is NOW...there will always be new joys and challenges during the stage you're in and new and different ones in the upcoming stages...and so...we are just at the beginning. And having so much fun!

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

More 4 month Jack

Jack at his 4 month Dr. Brian visit (before the 4 shots). Our big,laughing boy! Another one of Jack on the scale...


4 Month Jack

We've already had 4 months of fun with Jack...my, how time passes. Here's Jack with his Pooh bear...sitting with support (or strategically placed by Mommy, w hile Daddy quickly takes the picture)...and bath time....which Jack loves! His favorite is kicking and moving his arms up and down at the same time. He even splashes water on his face and keeps laughing!


Jack Tid Bits:
  1. He's wearing 6 month clothes now.
  2. He cried during the 1st half of the 1st half of the UNC/Kansas Final 4 game...it was grim and depressing. I told him to look on the bright side...we're never more than 7 months away from next season!
  3. He sucks his fingers/fist now...no preference for any particular fingers. I haven't found him sucking his thumb by itself yet.
  4. He's drooling most of the time and needs to wear bibs to keep his clothes dry.
  5. He's going to sleep between 8-9pm and sleeping about 5-7 hours. We've had a few 8 hour nights & of course, I ran into the nursery to make sure he was still breathing. I still haven't listened to him with a stethoscope yet...I'm doing good, don't you think?
  6. He still likes to watch TV but we put his back toward it on purpose and he can stretch his head back and try to look back at it. It is super funny but I keep telling him the AAP says he can't watch it until he's 2 years old. I make exception to the Tarheel games!

Friday, April 04, 2008

Ramblings


There's not too many new pictures of Tucker anymore...I wonder if he's feeling left out. He is still the envy of all the other neighborhood dogs...but he has realized that 2 legs makes you alpha over 4 legs...Mr. Tarheel takes extra time to make him feel special every day.
Tomorrow is the Final 4. Beginning at 5:47 PST, UNC plays Kansas...if you mute your TV during the game and listen intently, you will hear an echo in your ear...it will be a southern drawl, screaming for her team...all the way from Enumclaw. You can take the southern girl out of the south but even in the Northwest, the sky is still CAROLINA BLUE!
It will be different this year....she'll be holding her dream come true...Baby Jack. The brainwashing has begun...yes, little boy, she says....UNC will be National Champions again....She says that every year until they lose and then she just starts the count down until the next year. But this year....they really will be National Champions!
A wonderful holiday is fast approaching...Mother's Day. It will be the first one in many years where I will wake up happy and smiling. Yes, last year, I was pregnant on Mother's Day but it was still early and not many people knew yet. Mother's Day for infertiles is a day filled with sharp knives piercing your broken heart, over & over & over. The thing you want most in life, a baby & being a mother, is celebrated & rightfully so. But it is such a reminder of the loss you are experiencing on a day to day basis. So to anyone still out there in the trenches of infertility...do whatever you can to hold your head up high and keep putting one foot in front of the other on that day...you don't have to make excuses for being sad...it's a difficult path. Hang in there!
So I'm wondering, what will Jack (or Mr. Tarheel) get me on Mother's Day...I've dropped hints so we'll see. I was sent the wonderful story about Mothers...enjoy!
The young mother set her foot on the path of life. 'Is this the long way?' she asked. And the guide said: 'Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it... But the end will be better than the beginning.' But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, 'Nothing will ever be lovelier than this.' Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, 'Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come.' And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children,' A little patience and we are there.' So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, 'Mother, we would not have done it without you.' And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, 'This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I 've given them strength.'And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: 'Look up. Lift your eyes to the light. '

And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said, 'This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God.' And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said, 'I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them.' And the children said, 'Yo u will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates.'

And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: 'We cannot see her but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence.... ...' Your Mother is always with you.... She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop. She's the place you came from, your first home; and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you.Not time, not space... not even death!

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Brothers in Bed Together


When Mr. Tarheel has night duty...this is when Tarheel88 is working her 25 hour shifts...Jack can sometimes wind up in bed during the middle of the night. Tucker is in his usual sleeping position...in a ball. Isn't Jack so cute sleeping next to Tucker?
So as big as Jack looks...he's ONLY 17 lb 10 oz & 26 inches tall...both in the 90% for growth. That means he is height/weight proportioned. This is normal...you know, within the normal range. He's staying on his growth curve....so he's destined to be a bigger man than Daddy. Mr. Tarheel says that's great b/c we want Jack to play football....he wants him to be a linebacker maybe, but I always whisper "kicker" in Jack's ear. A kicker has a long and happy life, I say, b/c he doesn't get tackled. We'll see....
The JOY of the Final 4 is bubbling up inside me....sometimes, I'll just let out a big WHOO-HOO scream for my Tarheels....Jack looks at me with surprise. Boy, he won't be surprised by the time he realizes that his mom is the craziest, #1 Tarheel fan. So guess what Jack & I will be doing on Saturday at 5:47pm PST....cheering on our boys! We are on our way to be National Champions...only 4 1/2 days until the final game....I'm hoping it will be us vs UCLA and we will pound on them with our best game ever. Realistically, UNC will have to play great to be National Champions....but I BELIEVE!

Friday, March 28, 2008

Jack & Scout



Here's the beautiful boy! He's wearing his Classic Pooh outfit (the hat, which you can't see, is a Pooh hat, with socks to match)....a gift from Ms. Ernestine...thanks for the wonderful gifts and to all the others...I'm am gratefully amazed!
The stuffed animal is a sentimental one...Chris brought it to the hospital in 1999 when I had my ectopic surgery...it represented Scout, the first big red dog....our first 4 legged son. He's been gone over 3 years now and there's still a lump in my throat when I remember him. So "Scout", the stuffed animal, looks over Jack. Jack likes to touch him!
Eye color...it's still open for discussion...I'm thinking I need to look in a thesaurus to find the name of the color for Jack's eyes. Dark, dark blue with something else...flecks of brown/green, but I wouldn't call it hazel right now....It's OK, we have 16 years before he has to tell the driver's license examiner what to put on his driver's license.

Brothers: Sleeping Together







When Tarheel88 is at work, the boys begin their day together in bed....Mr. Tarheel saw this great opportunity to take a picture of Jack and Tucker sleeping...Tucker is very gentle but we make sure he can't step on Jack.


Isn't a sleeping baby the most beautiful picture in the world?
We had about 6 inches of snow in Enumclaw yesterday....here's our house, looking from the drive way. Yes, don't worry, Mr. Tarheel gave the cows extra food since it would be hard to graze on the frozen grass underneath all the snow.
Yes, there was screaming last night...during the game...Sorry Cougs! There wasn't a bus accident on the way to the game....I'll back up...I told some die hard Coug fans that the only way they could win, is if the Tarheels got into a bus accident on the way to the game. Now, I like the Cougs...except when they are playing my boys! Even being a UW graduate, I don't have a UW coffee mug, but I have a WSU mug...so stay off my back, you rabid fans!! Sorry about the description...that's the pot calling the kettle black, huh? Now, we're on to Elite 8...Only 11 more days until April 7th and the National Championship game!


Saturday, March 22, 2008

A Belly like a Bowl Full of Jelly


Jack loves bath time...it's a special time with Mommy....After I dry him off, before he gets dressed...I "blow" a hole in his belly....as you can see...he has a nice big belly to use...He's starting to laugh before, during, and afterwards...My special boy!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Special Aunt Linda




There are Aunts in the world and then there are the very, very, very special Aunts...now Aunt Linda is one of those. She has the kindest heart and loves Jack & Tarheel88 so much...& we love & miss her already. She came for a nice visit and Jack went to his first wedding! I didn't cry until I thought about the future when I'll be at Jack's wedding and I thought that even though the groom's mother is so happy for her son, she must also be heartbroken to lose her baby boy....So he's my baby for now and hopefully, I'll be ready & willing to release him to the next love of his life when he's old enough to fall in love...




You know he won't be old enough until he's 30! By then, I'll be over 70 & rocking in my chair, with the southern breeze blowing through my hair!

Tarheel Jack




Tomorrow's the big day...the first game of the NCAA tournament for UNC...only 6 more games until we're National Champions....Jack wanted to celebrate his excitement for his Tarheels along with Easter...it was only fitting that his Easter basket was a basketball...filled with eggs and chocolate candy that Mommy & Daddy want to eat! Doesn't he look good in his Mom's blue wig? The look on his face is the questioning look of:
Why did you take my binky away from me?
New activities for the week....Jack sucks his fists but he doesn't know they are there ALL the time....
He loves his bath and now even loves getting dried off b/c Mommy always blows holes in his belly...& that's a belly to write home about...he's one healthy boy!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

UNC, UNC, UNC, UNC


Good Morning all you Jack & Tarheel fans....the excitement is brewing (& Peet's coffee too).....Mama Tarheel filled in her brackets last night and can you believe what I filled in first....UNC, UNC, UNC, UNC....all the way to the National Championship box. Yes, we have a great chance this year and I'm starting to think about my promise *(or threat)* to run around with my body painted blue after we win. Even Duke fans may be happy with my bracketology....I have Duke winning their first game. Ssssppppp....don't tell them that I have a tradition of always having all ACC teams win their first game!
Last night, in a dining room in Enumclaw, were descendants of Bessie and Frank...all eating & talking & laughing....who would have believed in back in the day...sitting in Dublin, NC (home of roasted peanuts & pickles)....the most special was my wonderful Aunt Linda, who loved on Jack & we'll miss her alot....but her home in Cerro Gordo awaits....
Here's Jack with his Pooh at 3 months and busting out of 3 month sleepers. He's a happy boy!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Jack's a Smiley Boy


There's so much to be happy about....my stomach's full, my pants are dry, and I have already quickly trained my two older parents to meet my every need as quickly as possible. I hardly ever cry for more than a minute before they rush over to help me...this is the life. What other baby has already been to North Carolina and Hawaii before 3 months old?
Another wonderful thing to be happy about...DUKE LOST! Sorry, Coach K, you'll be watching us today in the ACC Championship game beat the Clemson Tigers on TV but maybe you can review your next State Farm commercial...
I love to watch the Tarheels play on my big screen TV and listen to my Mommy, the #1 Tarheel fan, scream for joy when Roy's boys win the game with the last shot. Now, wonder when I can wear the blue wig on my little head...so I will really be in the spirit? Only 22 days until the National Championship!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Little Girl Meets the Rock Wall


Great Aunt Joan...loving on Jack :)
Once upon a time, the little girl was walking merrily on her way...her baby Jack on her back in the pack, laughing. All was well in her world. Her head was down, looking at the beautiful lavender crocus, poking through the firm spring soil. She didn't look too far ahead, careful to savor every moment of this beautiful spring day. Then low & behold, she ran into an abrupt mountain...giant sharp boulders sticking out of a very tall wall that loomed up above the hovering cumulus clouds. Her first thoughts...now why did this mountainous, rock wall have to enter my world? She tried but couldn't go around it, she knew she couldn't go under it or through it...so she knew she had to go over it. Her first thoughts...how can I become an instantaneous rock climber and keep baby Jack safe? She sat down on a nearby rock to contemplate the future....

Friday, March 07, 2008

3 month Jack







Beautiful Jack @ 3 months old...
Relaxing with Daddy, being held by Grandpa CA...
no other words needed :)






Thursday, March 06, 2008

UNC #1

Don't check the stock reports or even the international news...just check espn.com and you will see....UNC is #1! My "boys" or Roy's boys, as I call them are #1 again.....and it's on the eve of the big game...UNC vs Duke in Cameron Indoor...with all the Cameron Crazies...now remember when it was JJ's last home game and it was such a bad, bad disappointment for him...sorry JJ....now, with Ty Lawson back, I do believe we are better than we have been at any point of the season....

I'll be on the "hill"....aka "pill hill" on Saturday at work -but I will do everything possible to get all my work done to see as much of the game live as possible. Of course, I will be recording to analyze every possession on Sunday. So cheers to my team....please, pretty please....win for Tarheel 88. It will make her SO, SO happy!

Perception of My Perspective

Yes, little man isn't so little anymore. He's a big boy, growing really fast on Mama's milk. His eyes aren't so deep blue but a little gray...now have you ever heard of someone's driver's license saying gray eyes? Here's Mom & Dad CA on their last morning with us...and of course, Mr. Tarheel too. We all had such a nice visit...so much more than a "meet & greet"...Grandma CA is right there, taking great care of Jack and offering well thought out, great advice.....THANKS!

Jack misses his Grandma holding him...we're readjusting to life with just him and me....I know it will be OK, but there has been a raw nerve today. I know it's probably me wondering how will I fit in being a good mother and a good NNP or even a great mother and an adequate NNP and of course a wonderful wife, friend, sister, daughter...so many things, so few hours of the day.








GRATITUDE is the next word in my mind. I feel so grateful to be having these problems. Last year, I was on my medications, synchronizing my cycle to the donor's cycle, waiting, hoping for the timing to work out. It didn't, but it turned out OK. Really OK, b/c the donor stimulated well (made lots of eggs) and there were embryos waiting to become our precious child...Jack! Now, he's sleeping in the swing and brother Tucker goes back & forth between me & looking over him. So any little problem or inconvenience that I have now is so very, very small in comparison to the anxiety and anticipation that I was feeling one year ago.

Now let me work on my perception of my perspective...say that 10 times!

Sunday, March 02, 2008

I Chose Jack


So, so, sorry to all my readers, lurkers, and fans....no time for blogging over the past week. Yes, I have good intentions to write something note-worthy but then life happens. Here's our big red barn....with us in front. Here's a synopsis of my week:
In-laws--I'll call them Mom & Dad CA (short for California) are here for a visit. Love in action...that's what they are. It's been a special time for Jack and he LOVES his Grandma/Grandpa.
Jack is 3 months old tomorrow! My little baby isn't so little anymore. No chest hair yet though. I thought about how short the time will be...it makes me just a little sad. Now, don't get me wrong....I'd love to have a few of those precious sleep hours back from that LONG pregnancy.... I figured out that there are about 6340 days in 18 years and that each day is about 0.0001578 % of the time. Lucky for me, he will be about 18 1/2 when he goes to college....so I have a few more days than average....So when my choice is to play/hold/kiss Jack or do dishes....I chose Jack (most of the time). If there are no clean forks, I must rarely choose dishes. I'm choosing not to sleep sometimes to get everything done but the good Lord above is helping me through each day.
Jack can have major, massive blow-outs and this is both funny & gross. I can both laugh and gag at the same time...I went with the flow when it was during church, especially since he looks at me with the look of relief while I'm cleaning him up. Thanks to my next door neighbor, Ms. Jo, we have a duck dispensing scented trash bags for our diaper bag!
Jack cried some during the UNC/Boston College game...up until the middle of the 2nd half when Roy's boys pulled ahead for good. I mean it was the UNC/Tyrese Rice game....you know, the 1 man show...and a brilliant one at that....Good job to Mr. 47 points for Boston College! Sorry, but our 5 players against 1, will come out ahead every time. The count down is on...6 days until we go to Durham to plan against Coach State Farm and his Cameron Crazies....my prediction is....we'll win by 12...& we'll be ranked #1 in the country come tomorrow....

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Gloating...with Malicious Pleasure


I did survive my first day at work and sped home to see my boy after 27 hours with Mr. Tarheel, aka Daddy. Daddy said it was "easy" and the house didn't blow away in a hurricane. Jack waved his arms and kicked with excitement when he saw me. Then he promptly took a big poop because he secretly knows that I will give him a nice bath because of it. He loves his bath and play time in the tub. We had such fun together....
The babies at worked looked a little smaller than they did before...especially compared to my big boy. It was neat talking about Jack constantly and showing off his picture. My life does revolve around him right now but I had the energy/stamina to direct my attention to the babies who needed me at work. Plus, I had so much adult conversation and didn't really have to hear any loud screaming, like Jack sometimes does at home.
Now on to my 2nd favorite topic...Jack is #1 and I'll give you one guess what is #2................................
I love the Tarheels but who do I hate?
DUKE SUCKS!
And I hate to gloat...(Mr. Webster says this means to think about with malicious pleasure)....but Duke has lost 2 road games in the past week....YIPPEE! Plus, they were to lower ranked teams...Wake Forest & Miami....come Monday, #5 Duke will fall, fall, fall in the rankings and I will be really gloating! The Tarheels play Wake Forest today in Chapel Hill...so I'll be rooting for them big time later today and Jack & I get some much needed rest time. But imagine me falling asleep with a big smile on my face...you know, the smile that means I'm thinking with malicious pleasure....

Friday, February 22, 2008

Sleeping Jack


Jack likes to sleep with his arm over or near his face...which is the exact way Mr. Tarheel sleeps....sorry, but I don't have a picture of Mr. Tarheel sleeping. Plus, I don't like payback and if I took a picture of him sleeping, before you know it, he would play a practical joke on me while I'm sleeping....
Now that you all have had your Jack fix....
Life isn't perfect, even when your dreams come true. I'm challenged with feelings of being overwhelmed and low confidence with this new stage in my life. I tell myself this is normal (I hate this word..., maybe typical is a better one) and as my sister April says, "this too shall pass". Of course, you want to do a great job as a mother but there are so many other things in life that I want to keep doing or feel I must do....I'm a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, and now, I'm going back to work tomorrow, I'll be helping sick babies. I know I'm feeling this way today because I'm wondering how will it be to leave Jack and how will it be to see sick, premature babies.
There were so many hours that turned into days, where I would sit/lie here waiting for the day to pass, so I could add one more day to my pregnancy. I didn't go there often, but sometimes, I would envision how it might be if Jack was born on that day...how much would he weigh, what life support would he need, how long would he need to stay in the hospital? The days did pass and my worries decreased....I felt like I won the lottery when he was born at 37 weeks and healthy.
All the other mothers who are having high risk pregnancies and who know what it means to have a premature baby, must feel these things too. Some aren't so lucky...I think I'm having a variation of survivor's guilt. I'm just grateful and happy! So in the whole scheme of things, I tell myself that it will be OK. Tomorrow will come and I will go to work and do my best. Time will pass quickly because I'll be working and thinking about things that haven't been on my mind in 6 months and of course, I'll be talking about Jack to everyone. Mr. Tarheel will be here with Jack. I wonder if he will be struggling with low confidence? Probably not, he's very easy going and takes things in stride.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Jack & Daddy


At the 2 month appointment to see Dr. Brian, we received the usual handout of developmental milestones for the 2-3 month old infant. One of them described the baby prefers the mother's face/voice. Mr. Tarheel (aka Daddy) and I looked at each other and knew we were thinking the same thing. You know you've been married aWHILE when you can look at your spouse and not only are you thinking the exact same thing, but you know by just looking into each other's eyes that you are thinking the exact same thing. Okay, so that explains the communication part.
NOW, what were you thinking, you ask?
Drum roll............Jack doesn't prefer one of us over the other...really, at least not at this point. Daddy Tarheel has been taking care of him almost as much as I have and there is an ebb and flow to this that is benefiting everyone. I'm not disappointed, even secretly. Wow, what a wonderful generation to be in...our Dads weren't able to take care of us about half of the time. Both of us had stay at home Moms and both our Dads were busy working/going to school/war and culturally were not encouraged to have that caregiving role. Now, we turned out good but I think it's better for the father to be able to be there in the thick and thin of taking care of the baby.
There is one thing that Jack prefers from me...my LOUD voice. All of you who know me, know that I am "genetically loud"...I say that because I have tried over & over, so many times to talk softly. I've even been asked why am I always so LOUD? I get so excited to talk or maybe it's what I'm going to say has to get out of my mouth quickly...that it comes out LOUD. Jack does prefer this....except of course, when he's sleeping.
Then, he prefers his quiet Daddy.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Baby Equipment


Some random thoughts about baby equipment...yes, you think you need a lot of it and in some ways you do...b/c it makes your life so much easier. Now, aren't we into easy! When we were planning to go to Hawaii, I had to plan exactly how much stuff to take...overall, I only took a small number of the bare essentials and since I had time to do laundry every day, it all worked out well.
Here is a picture of Jack in his *Pea Pod*...a portable bed, even coming with an inflatable air mattress. It worked great on the beach b/c we could keep him out of the sun and still have easy access with the side zippers. I might sound like a sales rep, but I don't even have stock in this company. If I have a baby equipment question, I make a bee line or email to my friend Heather Cruz, because she is the expert in this department. Her son Alec is already 2 now and she travels quite a bit and recommended this bed.
Guess where he slept though...between us! We thought we would need to go through some Ranger school crib training when we arrived back home, but he went right back to his crib, without a hitch.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Jack & the Cat

While we were waiting to go on our coffee tour, the tame farm cat jumped up on the bench where Jack & I were sitting...wanting a pet. So I helped Jack pet his first cat! He's looking down in the pictures, but he thought it was pretty cool...
Notice the fat rolls on his legs...
He liked warmth, but he did not like to get too hot. This brings me to some of the rare sad thoughts I have. He won't be Southern or Californian like his parents. One day, someone will ask him why his Mom talks "funny" and he will answer, "because she's from North Carolina." He won't say that he's from NC, b/c he isn't. But I'm going to choose to think positive here and imagine that he'll be describing only the best attributes about the Pacific Northwest like I do about the south.
Onto another thought...I go back to work in one week. Most of you know, but I help sick babies. I've been around babies at work since 1991 and it's my life's calling. But I am different now. I was always very empathetic (& sympathetic, when needed) and loved supporting the families and doing my very best to help each baby. Now, I will know the feelings of being a mother and this will make me even better. I will also know some of the stresses of having a high risk pregnancy and what that does to you. We were lucky...Jack was full-term. Some aren't so lucky.
I'm thinking it will also make me more emotional, but I will deal with that as it happens. I can't wait to be better than I was before...b/c even in each small way, each kindness, each touch, each interaction...I can help someone who is dealing with their difficult situation...I will be this way because of Jack.



Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Jack & the Hibiscus


Here's Hibiscus Hawaiian Jack...it was such a beautiful flower, but I wanted to capture the size of the flower...look...it's as big as his head! The flowers and plants in Hawaii are so lush and beautiful...of course, most of them, I can't identify. Mr. Tarheel knew the name of this one...he's pretty smart about most things.
Yesterday was a first...there are so many, but this one was big for me. I left, yes, LEFT, Jack with a babysitter. Julia is her name and she is so good with Jack...I had her come over to our house before and get to know Jack and she was great with him. I had about 10 errands to do...in about 10 different stores. As big as Jack is, it's difficult & time-consuming getting him in and out of the car that many times (this is only the beginning of my justification, which comes before guilt). When I dropped him off, Heidi, Julia's Mom, immediately put me at ease. I knew he would be in good hands.
I didn't relax..I drove fast & furious to each place, ran in (no browsing), did my errand, and ran out. I looked at my watch every few minutes. I wondered what Jack was doing. I counted down the minutes since I had last seen him. I constantly checked my phone to make sure they hadn't called. When I arrived back to pick him up, after less than 4 hours, he was dozing and was content and happy. Heidi & Julia tell me how great it was to hold him & take care of him. Then I relax, pick him up, and he looks over at me with bright eyes. I see that I have not damaged my child...he doesn't have to be with me 24/7 to be well cared for and happy. More guilt...I want me to be the only person he wants....but I know that isn't healthy for either of us.
We're learning...

Monday, February 11, 2008

Pacific Jack

What a lucky boy, he is...jet setting from coast to coast before 3 months old...here's Jack in sunny Hawaii with his cool sun hat. Isn't he the cutest thing? He has the fatest, most kissable cheeks!

Now, how am I going to get to a point where I'm going to let my precious son go on a date with a girl? Instead of the Dad cleaning the gun when the date comes over, I'll be the Mom who is cleaning her rolling pin or her frying pan...I have years to get used to this idea....

Mr. Tarheel says that he's a Mama's boy, but I know the real deal...he has Mr. Tarheel wrapped around his little finger. Mr. Tarheel has the world's most P & P...that's our acronym for patience and persistence...that Daddy has a supreme amount of it..lots more than I do. I'm working on it!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Tarheel Crazy

Yes, I'm trying to slow my breathing down to normal and drink lots of water to rehydrate after an afternoon of hollering for my Tarheels...We beat the Clemson Tigers in double overtime after being behind most of the game until the very end! Jack liked the activity until it was time for his nap and then off to the crib he went. Who can sleep through the #1 Tarheel fan screaming her commentary to Roy and her boys? But Jack did have Tarheel spirit dressed in his fleece Tarheel shirt and looking so, so cute...



Now that I mention it...Jack hasn't been able to see an entire Tarheel game due to his need to sleep...so we'll have to work up to him enjoying the entire game in one sitting. Don't worry...each game is protected on the DVR for many future viewings and we especially like to re-watch them during our usual 3am feeding. See, I told you, I am the #1 fan if I'm re-watching games during the middle of the night. But have you even seen the viewing selection at 3am? I'm sorry, but I can't watch professional bowling or infomercials.

More about Jack next time...he's calling me...

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Jack's Back

Here's Jack & Mom on the plane to Hawaii...We had an empty seat between us, so he slept there most of the time....He's a great traveler and loved being on vacation....feeling the heat for the first time in his short life. There's so many stories in my brain, but not enough time or energy to write them down for now....

We saw Dr. Brian for the 2 month visit yesterday...drum roll....my little baby boy isn't so little anymore...he's up to 14 lbs, 3 oz...Mr. Tarheel & I were thinking this was way too fat but his growth curve is normal and he is 75% for height/weight and 50% for head....no, he isn't going to be a big man with a little head...it will all even out in the end.

We love every minute with him and he is so, so sweet. He laughs, coos, and smiles...especially when he is full, after eating. He has bright eyes, pays attention, and we're trying to teach him to put his pacifier back in his mouth (just kidding about that one....). That comment is courtsey of Mr. Tarheel....see, Dr. Brian was asking us about his development and Mr. Tarheel got Dr. Brian's attention by saying that Jack can replace his pacifier in his mouth when it falls out...Dr. Brian looks over at us and we try to keep a straight face, but then we all burst out laughing....Maybe you had to be there...but we needed to add some humor to the long, long list of questions we had. You know me, hypervigilant, worry wort, OCD Mommy in training!